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How am I supposed to deal with this?

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    How am I supposed to deal with this?

    My SO is currently employed with a company where he makes decent money but is still living out of a hotel so technically homeless. He left the army last February after 10 years of service. After leaving he went and stayed with his mother for a month to sort of unwind and get the army out of his head before moving back to Georgia where he's lived for most of the past 10 years. He moved in with his sister and was still sort of unwinding from the army stuff and eventually started getting unemployment while he was meant to be looking for a job that fit the trade that he had learned in the army. So, he stays with his sister for about 6 months spending the whole time sort of half-assing the job search thing. Something sudden came up and his sister and her husband who is also in the military, have to move to New York. This pretty much leaves my SO homeless and living in a hotel now. Around this time my SO and I started talking and getting to know each other and we started meeting up to hang out. He starts really looking for a job now and I'm supporting him 100% through this whole thing.

    He finds a job after about a month (October). I personally think the pay is amazing and he starts talking about getting an apartment by December and things are looking up.

    December comes around and he tells me he's hearing rumors that they're going to start laying people off in February or March. I encourage him to apply directly there so he wont get laid off and to also start looking for other jobs as well just in case he doesn't get hired directly. He says this is what he plans on doing after the new year but he's going to have to hold off on finding an apartment until January because he doesn't want to get stuck in a lease if he's just going to lose his job. I agree that that seems like a good idea.

    Things go on as usual over the next month and January comes around. He tells me today that when they had their monthly meeting that they were told that their whole department was going to get cut in April. He tells me he still plans on applying directly within the next week and because of all this now he doesn't want to get an apartment at all unless he gets directly hired or can find another job so this means he's going to be living in a hotel for the next 3-4 months...I'm asking questions about finding a job and the apartment stuff and ask him if he thinks living in a hotel for the next few months is a good idea since its so expensive and finding an apartment will save him a lot of money. This whole time he's getting short with me and snappy with his answers and giving me smartass responses. All I'm doing is trying to figure out what he plans on doing and stuff. And this is how he reacts to me. I guess my questions seemed stupid or should've been obvious but I didn't think they were. And now we aren't even talking really. I know this job is stressing him out and with the hours he's doing it tiring but I've stood by him for 3 months and supported him and done nothing but encourage him and this is how he reacts.

    I'm not sure what I should do now. Should I just give him some space and let him be alone for a bit or what. I hate the fact that all of this is going on and that he's going to continue living out of a hotel but there's really nothing I can do. I don't know what else I could do. I need some advice.




    Met Online: 02/2012
    Started talking privately: 09/20/2012
    First Met in person: 09/22/2012
    Started Dating: 10/30/2012
    Closed the Distance 4/24/2013

    #2
    I think I would give him space but I would also try and understand that he's going through something extremely stressful right now. While no one deserves to be used as a punching bag, and you have to be careful he's not crossing that line, you also have to accept that this tough time means he's going to be a little bit on edge and that means that sometimes, he's going to snap. My guess would be you can get through this with patience, compassion and understanding. Let it be something he approaches you over or ask and answer only questions he opens the window to. Let him take the wheel currently and relinquish your need to know exactly what's going on.

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      #3
      I agree with ThePiedPiper. It sounds like giving him some space would be the best option. He probably doesn't have everything figured out right now so he can't really answer any of your questions more than likely. I'm sure as he starts getting a more substantial plan together, he'll let you know the details. Just let him be in control of his situation for now because he probably doesn't feel like he's really in control of anything at the minute. The best thing you can do right now is just be there for him and support him.
      "I'll hold you in my heart till I can hold you in my arms again."


      "It's supposed to be hard! If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard...is what makes it great! -A League of Their Own

      Met: August 22, 2010
      Made it official: September 17, 2010
      Got engaged: January 15, 2012
      Our First Visit: November 18, 2010-November 28, 2010
      Our Seventh (and Last) Visit: November 10, 2012-November 24, 2012
      Got married: November 21, 2012
      Big Wedding Date: May 25, 2013
      Closed the Distance: June 2, 2013

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        #4
        This is a new relationship, so you dont need to sound like you know what is best, even when in reality you are just throwing ideas out there.
        he has been millitary for so long that he is used to stability. Would he not do the reserves, and atleast have some income?
        everything happens for a reason. We may never find out what that reason is/was, but there is a reason.

        Comment


          #5
          I gave him a bit of space last night and we talked like we usually do before he goes to bed. Before we said goodnight he acknowledged that he was a little short with me earlier (without me even bringing this up) and he said he wasn't sure why he was like that but he said it was probably because he was worn out from work. I just let him know that I was confused at the time as to why he was acting like that but later realized it was probably due to him being stressed and tired. Everything seemed to be fine after that. I was happy that he realized on his own that he was acting that way and that it may have been wrong of him to jump on me like that. I get that something like this could stress him out a lot and sometimes I start to panic when he isn't his usual self.




          Originally posted by subeasley View Post
          This is a new relationship, so you dont need to sound like you know what is best, even when in reality you are just throwing ideas out there.
          he has been millitary for so long that he is used to stability. Would he not do the reserves, and atleast have some income?
          He doesn't want to go back to that military life. He hated it. So, I he would do the reserves. He has a great job now its just...very unstable. Him being used to having that stability from being in the military though probably is one reason why this unstable job affects him so much.


          Hopefully he can either get directly hired or find another job before they start laying people off. The only thing i can do in the meantime is continue to try and be supportive and try not to get frustrated with him and the job. He doesn't need that right now.
          Last edited by kayla_622; January 10, 2013, 11:41 AM.




          Met Online: 02/2012
          Started talking privately: 09/20/2012
          First Met in person: 09/22/2012
          Started Dating: 10/30/2012
          Closed the Distance 4/24/2013

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