Insecurity?

[Julz]

I'm sure this topic has been posted numerous times before, but I'm new so I haven't read any of them.

I'm just curious as to how many of you have issues with being insecure?

I'm very insecure, I've been in a couple of abusive relationships in my life, I've also been cheated on. These relationships have really taken a toll on the person that I used to be.

I have no reason to be like this anymore. I'm better than I was a year ago, but I just can't let it go completely. I also tend to get jealous sometimes and it causes arguments between my fiancé and I. It makes him feel like I don't trust him (I do) and it makes him feel like I have no faith in him, which I do. He has never given me any reason to feel insecure OR jealous, but those feelings are still there.
When we first met he was the same way, but he's managed to overcome it, while I still struggle.

Any advice on how I can leave all this baggage behind?
I'd truly love to be able to put it all behind me and enjoy the great relationship that I've been lucky enough to find.

[dragonlady]

i am insecure and so is my SO we both been hurt and of course we are both scared, all those "what if" questions.
can't realy help you to over come it that is something you have to do for you'r self
i trust my SO blind because he didn't gave me a reason not to and trust are the building block's of you'r relation!
when i feel scared or insecure i remember that he is to! and then i think of all the good stuff we have the thing's we share and so on
try to get those wall's down, what is the worst that can happen?

yes you could get hurt, but at least you haved loved? you take a risk on finding love or you can lock you'r self up never to be hurt again.. but then you don't realy live....

open your heart take a gambel, they can never blame you you didn't try

hope my rambling makes sence ! good luck dear!

[ST25]

I've had a few spikes of insecurity in my relationship. I was much worse during my first year though. Much, much worse. I'm pretty glad me and my SO worked through it though and I'm much better at handling my insecurity nowadays. I just have to remember that not every guy will hurt you the way your ex hurt you and such. Instead, I used it as a learning experience about myself.

[Mellow]

So I just typed a whole reply and accidentally deleted it. Mellow Mellow, you are such a klutz! Haha.

I just want to let you know that you are not alone in this situation. No, I have not experienced a past like yours. Other things maybe that made me a closed and distanced person. My So is helping me open up more and more though. I am also insecure at times, a jealous monster... But I try to look beyond that. Beyond those feelings is a small yet meaningful word called "Love". I usually pretend nothing is wrong when I'm feeling jealous or insecure. That's not a good thing. It's good to talk about your feelings with your partner. Even if it might bother him a little... You can say nothing and keep the truth for him, or you can be completely honest. I don't know which road is the good one... No road is. Every thing has it positive and negative things, don't you think?

I have no reason to be like this anymore. I'm better than I was a year ago, but I just can't let it go completely.

Okay. Do you see the progress you have made so far? You are better than you were a year ago, that is such a good thing! You say that you cannot let it go completely just yet, but honey, you've been through a lot. Nobody expects you to be all good and happy right away. You are already on your way to feeling 'better'. The beginning is already there. From now on, you can only keep growing. You've come so far already.... Be a bit more proud! A bit more secure! ^_^
Try to look into the future. Take a gamble like mentioned before. You might have been hurt in the past and it's understandable that you don't want to feel like that ever again. We cannot say for the full 100% that it won't happen again... But you are a stronger person now. Grown, got a little bit more wise. Don't close yourself off, it will only scare others away.
Think about the things that you do have, the things that are going good.
You have a partner. You love him. And you know....

I'd truly love to be able to put it all behind me and enjoy the great relationship that I've been lucky enough to find.

Try to put it like this;
I'm on my way, putting this all behind me. Look at everything that I've acomplished so far. I'm enjoying this great relationship that I've been lucky enough to find.


You can do it! I believe in you. Now it's time for you to believe in yourself.
Good luck <3

[Chris516]

I have a certain element of insecurity. I have physical health issues, that my (ex)wife was in total denial about. Especially when the chips were down. Maybe her father asking her if she really wanted to get married to me, is something I should have been asking myself, about her. She couldn't handle the responsibility.

Then, My (ex)fiance who still has fallout from a horrific childhood, along with being mentally ill, still came through on more than one occasion. Yet, She was also emotionally abuseive because of the same mental illness she has.

[Hyacinth]

i think we've all been there at one point or another and whilst some of us manage to get over it, others struggle with the issue of insecurity. i still do. so i can't really advise much. but i do know that whenever we are actually physically together, the insecurities vanish. so i'm just looking forward to closing the distance once and for all and i know things will be alright.

[Sora1101]

I'm a very insecure person even outside of relationships although I try to stay in a positive mindset where my SO is concerned.

I'd say your best bet is mental willpower. When you start to feel insecure, stop yourself. Start thinking about what an amazing guy your SO is, how he's never given you reason to be insecure, and make a list of all the wonderful qualities your relationship has. Doing that you'll hopefully start to condition yourself out of insecurity.