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    Help/advice/don't know what to think!

    Hello everyone. I am very new to this long distant relationship "thing". I have known my boyfriend since high school, where we actually dated for a short time. During that time i was a very different person than I am now. I got sober and am a new person. He's a pretty different person too. Anyway, during that time (6 years ago), he had quit talking to me all of a sudden and I found later it was because he was interested in someone else. Fine, whatever, I got over it. We only dated for 3 weeks. About 4 months ago, I went home to visit (I moved away), and we had hung out as friends and developed feelings and now were together. He has this ex who completely treated him like hell who would text randomly all of the time. He got defensive when I asked if I should be worried. And honestly, she isn't anything to worry about. Not only in the Looks department, but she isn't a good person and she lives with her boyfriend in another state. That doesn't stop her from contacting my boyfriend, calls him "babe", and his happens late at night. I couldn't hold it in any longer and I had nonchalantly said something about my expectations in a relationship, which lead to talking about her. I asked a few days later if he had spoken to her and he said no. Then he said "well, yeah I asked her not to talk to me anymore like you told me to". I would never tell him to, thats his decision. Regardless, he had lied to my face. I didn't make a big deal, just asked to read the messages. She said said "after everything you told me, I wanted to keep texting you". I didn't ask what that was, because it isn't my business. I say this to give a little background. What's happening now is I'm getting a feeling that he's lying. He's a great guy, very nice to me. Example, the other night he said he was driving around with his friend and his friends girlfriend, who is weird. She never will be around her boyfriend's friends. I asked if it was just them three and received no response. I proceeded to ask if he was okay...still no response. I called about 2 min later because I Have some fear about car accidents. He answers... But said he was nauseous and that was why he wasn't responding and he would call when he was home. That was close to an hour later. Tonight, he was with his 2 friends (boyfriend and girlfriend), gambling with this game, and I asked if it was just them three because he said he was losing. 15 min later i get a response of him telling me who else. It seems like he isn't caring too much about my feelings. I tend to keep things in because I am full of fear that I am going to get hurt because of my past. I am trying to not allow my pain from the past effect this relationship.

    Basically, I am not sure how to go about this. I am very nervous and scared and I hate being lied to; I feel so stupid. How can I help myself? I want to trust and not have this lingering feeling. And I don't think i could stress enough how I am very happy with him, and we both talk about futures. He makes a point to text me every morning and night, and pretty long texts....about how amazing I am etc etc. not to mention throughout the day well.

    If you have gotten this far, thank you. Thank you for being willing to help me. I appreciate it.

    #2
    i would say sit down with him and confront him that you think he is lieing and that you have doubt about you'r relationship with him
    but to be honest this doesn't sound very healty....
    good luck and remember that you come first! you have to do what is best for you

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      #3
      I'm presuming the "who else was his ex gf"?!

      Anyway ill right a full post after knowing that but generally you seem to be trying to push qualities onto him that from your post he doesn't seem to deserve. What I mean is other than the slight lie about whether he had talked to her I don't see what else he's done other than a feeling you have? And I know he lied about speaking to her but he was doing a good thing when he did and he wasn't really speaking to her in the friendly way that you would be worried about.

      On a completely side note and I honestly mean this with good intentions, your post came across as you being quite demanding of him contacting you back straight away or if not you contact him worried. I understand anxiety but its easy to accidentally smother someone even if its with good intentions and worrying about there well being. I don't text my SO when I'm with friends or driving etc i wait til when it's convinient, I'm still safe and I still love him. One of the most dangerous things you can do is drive on the phone. Maybe seek help if you find the worrying too much, it's horrible and you feel like you just have to know but it doesn't always get better without help...Just wanted to say that as I know how horrible it can be and I've seen friends accidentally break their relationships because of similar problems. sometimes you just can't see if if you're too close to the situation.

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        #4
        Agreeing with redapple here. Especially regarding the driving and texting. I mean i understand people get worried about their SO's but if you know they're driving why would you expect a reply? And if you're worried why call? So they can pick up the phone when driving and possibly get into an accident? I've been on the other side of this and its not very nice. Although i still dont have blue tooth in my car and i guess when you have a fancy car like that it would be ok to pick up.



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