Do you feel guilty?

[Momocheet]

I just wanted to know if others felt guilty about CD with their SO. I know it sounds really odd to ask because that's the one thing we are all waiting for, right?
I love my boyfriend, he is the sweetest and nicest person I know. He understands me and accepts my faults.
But whenever I think about it, I begin to feel sad about leaving my family and friends behind in order to CD. I am really close to my family and even closer to my friends and it just hurts to think about not seeing them as I do now. I know I can come visit them but it'll just be different.
The same goes for if he comes here to live with me. He wouldn't be able to see his loved ones and I know it'll crush him even more so since he just begun to reconnect with his mom. He's so grounded and loves living in his city. I know it'll hurt him to part with everyone there.

Is there anyone out there that feels the same or has felt this?
Will it get better with time if we CD?

Any advice on how to deal with this?

[snow_girl]

I've been CD for almost two years. I actively skype, call, send letters to friends and family back home which helps to make it feel like they are still very much apart of my life. They are also all very supportive of my choices which helps to shed any guilt. I know that I will be back to visit and won't be living abroad forever.

[lyonsgirl]

The way I think about it is I've lived with my family for the first 18ish years of my life. We only see each other 3 or 4 times a year as it is. When I do finally get to be CD with my SO, I won't feel guilty then either. My family knows that we can't possibly live in the same place once I am married to him (especially since my immediate family is in 3 places (4 including where I am)). If your relationship is serious enough to consider the rest of your lives together, you shouldn't feel guilty. You are, after all, preparing yourself for the rest of your life.

Since my family & I are LD, it helps to Skype/email/text with them on a regular basis. There are some weeks where I feel like I talk to my mom more than my SO.

[dizzyupthemeg]

I wouldn't say I feel guilty about it, but sometimes when I think about leaving I feel sad. I'm extremely close to my friends here and my mother, and I know that leaving won't be easy since in my case it isn't as simple as them driving 6 or 7 hours to see me. Visiting will now require passports (and I'm not totally convinced my father will EVER get a passport), expensive plane tickets, weeks of planning etc. It will be a major adjustment for me but it's one that I gladly accept. Thank goodness for email, skype, or even facebook.

[Kiyama]

It's funny that you are posting this because it's been on my mind a lot lately. I don't mind living away from my family and friends. I don't get homesick but I feel extremely guilty. I know my dad sufferes from me being away and since he had a heart attack about a year ago, I worry about him and my mum a lot. Nobody likes to see their parents age and the heart attack has shown me how fast someone you love can be taken from you. I have had this terrible urge to be close to my parents ever since and to spend as much time with them as possible.
But then again, there is always skype and I know I will go back regularly. And our long term goal is to live in my country anyways so I guess it'll be ok.

[dragonlady]

i don't feel guilty, some times a bit scared to leaf everything behind that i know
as for family i only have 3 friends what already is with a distance and my mom.
the only thing i am afraid for is that something happens to my mom and i can't get there in time....
but i know my SO understands it all and the love i feel for him will make it al worth while (and off course he for me )

[kria]

I think deep down somewhere we all have a small bit of guilt. However, I have thought a lot about this since I'll, eventually, be moving so far away from my family and friends. I mostly feel guilty over my mom because I know it will really hurt her, but she supports my decision and won't try to prevent me from doing what I want. The same goes for the rest of my family, so that helps with shedding the guilt. Another thing is that my best friend was in a LDR, her SO moved here for a few years, and, then, last summer, they moved back to Washington. That, obviously, does not really make me feel guilty since she has already moved to the other side of the country. We talk on the phone, Skype, and send each other birthday and Christmas gifts. It doesn't feel much different with the exception of hanging out. We always plan what we'll do when we see each other again. Anyway, my other friends I don't see much besides school so leaving them doesn't bother me much. That sounds mean, I know, but I don't intend it to sound that way. It's just the truth.

Another way you have to look at it is that you will be with the one you love. You will have his family (or him yours), and will be getting to know them and the surrounding areas for the first few months. You'll (or he'll) make new friends as well. I know it's not the same as your old friends. Mainly, just think of being with him and if you two get an apartment together, you'll possibly be decorating and/or adding your touch to his place or getting a place together that you both can decorate and buy things for.

I know it's sad leaving your friends and family. Like I said, I have thought about it a lot, but it's not all bad. You'll (or he'll) have tons of stuff to do for the first few months to keep your mind occupied. Plus, you always have the phone, Skype, e-mail, snail mail, and visits. I know it's not the same as being there, but, in life you have to make sacrifices to be with the ones you love.

[summerkid]

that is one of the hardest parts for me ...I've been in a LD relationship with a lot of my family and friends for a good long while now, and it seems that my network of friends is getting even more spread out because people move around for jobs, love, education etc. I've relocated a few times and now I am in a new place.. it's just getting harder to start over and also at the same time manage all your relationships via Skype.. it's like I'm constantly inbetween worlds, not fully here, bit not there either
Having to move again, especially on a different continent ...leaving everything behind, not being able to see my family every 2 months ... those are incredibly difficult aspects for me, which will get even more difficult as time goes by, my parents get older and my friends become increasingly involved in their own lives.
I don't even know how i could make that decision...

[charly]

I'm seeing my family less then I see my SO... I see them every 2-3 months maybe one weekend. I would feel a little guilt towards them though. Visiting won't be easy, but on the other hand: in terms of contact nothing would change. But I guess that's really different for everyone. I don't have friends here, and I'm not close to my family, but if you are it's a lot more difficult to actually decide where to live.

[enemey96]

I think that I will feel guilty when I move back to my home country to be with my SO, because I will be leaving my mum and sisters here and I'm really close with them. But then I think that it's the right thing to do and my family are behind me 100% and my sisters and I have already started making plans for them to come and stay with us!

[Zephii]

Sometimes I feel guilty. When I lived with him in Canada, I felt guilty because I was stuck there at a time my family truly needed me (there was a big legal battle, and a lot of work to be done on a house I jointly own - being in Canada meant the bulk of the hardest work went to someone else). And now we have a baby I do feel a little guilty for living here in Australia, because his family can't really be active in the child's life. But on the whole, I've come to accept it. And I know in time it'll be my burden to bear again, I'll be back in Canada and my family will miss us instead.

That's how I deal with it though, we don't settle in one country, so all our family get a piece of us.

In time you'll figure out what works for you and how to manage. Parents especially should be aware that one day their kids grow up and leave the nest. It's hard, but it's nature.

[Irina_Linn]

i dont feel guilty at all.i am not attached to my family and my mom dreams of me leaving the country (because the country is shitty,not coz she doesnt want me around lol).i feel a bit bad though as my dad left us 3 years ago and when i go,she will feel sad and lonely first month or two.but i cant wait going away.maybe its sth wrong with me but i cant live with parents,i love living by myself or with my SO.so i am pretty excited going away

[lademoiselle]

The way I see it is this: life is designed to move forwards, so while the family you're coming from will never stop being important, it's the family you're moving towards creating yourself which will become your primary focus. I don't mean that in a cold-hearted way at all. I know how much my parents dread the day I'll leave home - I think my dad for one is in denial that it's ever going to happen - but what can anyone do? That's just the natural order of things. To answer the question, then, I don't think I'm going to feel guilty as such when I move out, whether I'll be living in this country or my SO's. After all, I know I'll never stop making the effort to make my parents and brother feel as close to me as possible! Of course separation is never easy - its very nature means that someone will always be missing someone else, but with so many ways to keep in touch with loved ones nowadays it isn't the end of the world by any means

[mllebamako]

For me, it's an off and on guilt. I feel bad that my parents don't get to spend any IRL time with their granddaughter, although they skype with us 1-2x a week and are really interactive with her (God bless Skype!!). I feel guilty currently because my adoptive country is at war and my family so worried about me.
But I also know that this is part of life and that the choice that I made to be in an international relationship will mean that one of us will always be missing family. And I know that my family is happy to see me so happy so usually try not to punish myself with guilt

[pretty ll vacant]

Yes, My mind and heart are torn. I want to move and be with him so bad but I can't bear the thought of leaving my little brother. He and I are best friends and I know both of us will be sad when I leave. I know I need to go out into the world and be the adult that I'm supposed to be but it's so hard to let go. ;|

Originally my BF wanted me to come and move out to the bay area this summer, but I've had to postpone it until the end of this year because I feel like I'm just not ready to leave my little brother behind yet. I'm just worried that i'll keep delaying it. I totally know how you feel, I can't make up my mind on what to do.