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PLEASE HELP. Brand new here and in great need-so I'm reaching out

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    PLEASE HELP. Brand new here and in great need-so I'm reaching out

    He and I met in March 2009. My sister was killed and I moved across the country to care for my mother and re-join my family.
    He was my neighbor, became my friend, then my lover. Not that quick either. But I did fall in love with him deeply. He displayed the same affections and we had amazing chemistry.
    He told me to close my eyes and fall, he made me feel so safe. he told me that HE was the rock and that I no longer needed to keep up my wall. So I tore it down, and fell.
    For the first time in years i honestly trusted and REALLY loved.
    In late April his job moved him 500 miles away. he told me nothing would change. Nothing. He said he loved me and that we would have to sacrifice, but all would be fine.
    He went to visit family in June and returned to only have alot of grief from his job and the coworkers. His pressure mounted. Everytime i would try to chime in and offer help he would only get frustrated and annoyed, which I tried to understand. he's always been receptive to my help or suggestions before, but I could tell that i was only ADDING to what he was already experiencing. So I backed off. i only listen rather than comment.
    Then he began to call less and less.Which is Something he told me that his ex did to him when they became LDR. It was her way of getting easy, hoping that he would either get the hint or break up.
    I am to visit this weekend, yet havent heard from him in two days, sooo...im feeling something coming down the pike for me. I sense loss. And if anyone would know that feeling it should be me, my little sister was just killed, and Im feeling it again.
    I am feeling as if he's waiting for the weekend to roll around so he could drop the ax on me, and therefore, in order to keep my sanity, I think maybe being in my position of high sensitivity, maybe it's best for me to break it off before he shreds me up by doing it first, even though it's not what I want to do, but it feels like he may be thinking this way. His distance has been quite radical. He even didnt return the "I love you" during a conversation last week saying 'if you say it too much, it takes the meaning out of it'. I was kinda stunned by that, but it made me aware.
    i seriously need input, I hope that I havent rambled and scattered around, if I have, ask me anything you want if I havent been clear...And thank you!

    #2
    Okay, your thought process seems logical but I'm going to put my two cents in. Call him, first. Even if you think, 'he's too busy' or 'I'm burdening him.' There's something bothering you immensely. Call him. Tell him that you're sorry if you're interrupting something but things have been going on lately that really bother you. Tell him you think he may not mean to be putting in this emotional distance but it's there anyway and it makes you concerned. Tell him you're scared he's going to break up with you and tell him that you don't want that path but if he doesn't want the relationship you'd rather be the one breaking up so it doesn't hurt as bad. Then wait for his answer. It will still be hurtful that way but if he listens and says, "No, I'm sorry I've been distant, things have been hectic, I still love you and I want ot make this work," then you didn't freak out and break up for nothing and make him think you don't love him. If he says, "I'm sorry it has to be this way but I'm just not ready for this," then you can break up with him and work on moving on.

    I'm sorry it's going this way for you. *hugs* hope it gets better!

    Comment


      #3
      Welcome to LFAD Miranda!

      First of all I wouldn't say its gonna fall apart, since you and your SO can recover. Also, as being a guy... in my opinion, if you just listen to what he is saying the conversation will become boring and less interesting. Try to talk a bit too, and tell him what is bothering you. If you are wondering about my LDR, me and my SO both do not keep secrets from each and tell each other everything. I would also trying calling him, even if you don't talk for a long time you could probably clear up some issues which are bothering you.
      The only thing i disagree with is about saying "I love you". Me and my SO say it always at the end of our skype conversations and write it in our daily emails at the end. For us it reinforces how much we love each other. Rather than saying it loses its meaning by saying it too much.

      If you are wondering about me and my SO. We are 8,000 miles apart and have been the whole time we've been together. We are planning to meet this Christmas, a month after our 1 year Anniversary. So, really... being 500 miles is close in my book, compared to my distance.

      Just you need to talk to him, and he needs to talk to you, since communication will help in all cases. And if you happen to hit a wall (like an argument or disagreement) stop and think, don't just speak. Choose your words wisely and you will be surprised how fast it will become calm.

      Umm... just a few questions:
      could you clarify the rock metaphor?
      may I ask what type of work your SO does? how stressful is it?

      Cheer up! Be positive! and Communicate with him!

      AA
      "Distance between two hearts is not an obstacle...rather a beautiful reminder of just how strong true love can be." ~ Anonymous
      "Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul." ~ St. Augustine
      "True love is rare, so when you find it don't let it go just because of a barrier you can't cross". ~ Ray H Wall

      Chris and Megan - November 3rd 2009- (Break from June 15- )July 18th 2011.

      Comment


        #4
        Has he always replied to "I love you" before? Because I know some people just don't like to say it very often- I personally actually even have a hard time saying it- but if that's unnatural, then honestly I do think he's changed and it's better if you "take the hint"....I don't have tons of experience with it all, but I'm sorry to say this is seeming pretty clear. Maybe if there's a way of you breaking it off but somehow casually letting him know that if he changes his mind, feels better, or whatever....you're still there and you still love him. And then just leave it at that.

        Comment


          #5
          I so want to Thank you for your responses. I'm very interested in the opinions of others who have been at this longer than I am. I'm glad I found this thread, I'm relieved actually.
          @Archangel-My boyfriend is in construction but works for a rotten company. They are 'toying' with him and his finances, therefore, his future is being 'toyed' with as well, so there is where I totally can empathize with him. When he lived here, he shared those things with me, and I helped him-to the best of my ability anyway.
          But I dont feel that he wants me in his life because he no longer INVOLVES me. I also feel by some of his comments that he's bored as well. He mentioned ' it's the same old thing' and 'ok, my ear hurts, I'm going to go' is his latest. I'm swallowing alot in thinking that one must 'go the distance if you really love someone', 'do whatever it takes when you love 100%'..my patience has doubled to my own surprise. But Im bottling up TONS inside. I serously am.
          It's become quite frustrating to be able to go to him and now Im afraid to for fear that i am 'adding' to his list of pressures. I feel he is pushing me away, almost wanting me to WANT to go...

          Comment


            #6
            What he meant by he is the rock meant that I dont need to keep my walls up, I can lean on him, he will take my falls, etc.

            Comment


              #7
              oops--I posted in the wrong place! LQQK BELOW
              Originally posted by archangel View Post
              Welcome to LFAD Miranda!

              First of all I wouldn't say its gonna fall apart, since you and your SO can recover. Also, as being a guy... in my opinion, if you just listen to what he is saying the conversation will become boring and less interesting. Try to talk a bit too, and tell him what is bothering you. If you are wondering about my LDR, me and my SO both do not keep secrets from each and tell each other everything. I would also trying calling him, even if you don't talk for a long time you could probably clear up some issues which are bothering you.
              The only thing i disagree with is about saying "I love you". Me and my SO say it always at the end of our skype conversations and write it in our daily emails at the end. For us it reinforces how much we love each other. Rather than saying it loses its meaning by saying it too much.

              If you are wondering about me and my SO. We are 8,000 miles apart and have been the whole time we've been together. We are planning to meet this Christmas, a month after our 1 year Anniversary. So, really... being 500 miles is close in my book, compared to my distance.

              Just you need to talk to him, and he needs to talk to you, since communication will help in all cases. And if you happen to hit a wall (like an argument or disagreement) stop and think, don't just speak. Choose your words wisely and you will be surprised how fast it will become calm.

              Umm... just a few questions:
              could you clarify the rock metaphor?
              may I ask what type of work your SO does? how stressful is it?

              Cheer up! Be positive! and Communicate with him!

              AA

              Comment


                #8
                No problem! Glade to help Miranda!

                Ah, so his type of work plus his company is putting him under a lot of stress which he is having trouble sharing with you because of the distance. You know he could be saying those things because other things, not because he you think he doesn't want to be with you. Maybe it could be that your conversations have become repetitive and uninteresting? Which you could easily fix by trying some of the things on the 91 things for LDRs to do. And bottling things up is more like a mixed blessing. Yes it is good you can keep it hidden, but eventually it is going to come out. Also there is a limit of which you can hide inside you before you lose your composer. I would not tell him everything that is bothering you at once, since that would overwhelm him... instead tell him a little at a time over several conversations.
                "Distance between two hearts is not an obstacle...rather a beautiful reminder of just how strong true love can be." ~ Anonymous
                "Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul." ~ St. Augustine
                "True love is rare, so when you find it don't let it go just because of a barrier you can't cross". ~ Ray H Wall

                Chris and Megan - November 3rd 2009- (Break from June 15- )July 18th 2011.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Funny thing..he just called and we discussed the upcoming weekend in which we will reunite...I didnt get the chance to take the route in 'opening up to him' but rather appear alittle 'busy' at the time of his call...I figure this..face to face is will be taking place, that's where we will clear the air.
                  He sounded like he was surprised that I was so casual after not having heard from him in a few days, and there was no reaction. Infact, I went on about my day as if he was one of my bff's. He said a few things, told me about his insane boss, and we hung up. I anticipate this trip-yet I fear it.

                  Comment

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