He read my texts

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

We would like to address that you should not have a problem with your SO examining your texts, or anything else. Although our assertion may seem radical, it is actually rational. Whilst in a relationship, you should have nothing to hide from your SO. We don't have much more to say, other than the criticism presented already. We believe it's best that you do not speak negatively about your SO on text or whatever, or not to text the opposite sex in ANY way provocatively.

Having space and privacy and hiding things from your SO are not necessarily the same thing. I mean... You wouldn't go to the bathroom together would you? And that's privacy without having something to hide.

By all means, share everything with your SO if you want. But don't equate privacy with having something to hide.

The point being made is that it's disrespectful to do something to your SO without their permission.

[kteire]

Initially, we apologize for not reading every post which is situated in this thread. Although we have something which we feel inclined to share with those who observe this thread. We would like to address that you should not have a problem with your SO examining your texts, or anything else. Although our assertion may seem radical, it is actually rational. Whilst in a relationship, you should have nothing to hide from your SO. We don't have much more to say, other than the criticism presented already. We believe it's best that you do not speak negatively about your SO on text or whatever, or not to text the opposite sex in ANY way provocatively. We believe it is best if you simply think about how you would feel if your SO texted the same thing. That's all, thanks for reading.

If you had read the whole thread, you would have realised that she said she deals with confidential work and can legally only speak to her colleagues about it - Don't jump to conclusions if you haven't bothered to read everything. If you discuss confidential work with someone outside of the office, you risk both your job and criminal charges, so she has every right to keep that to herself.

And that being said, again, while some people share everything, not everyone does and no one should have to share more than they want. She wasn't hiding anything about her SO and again to reiterate what I said before - it is the INTENT that matters. He wasn't checking her phone for harmless reasons, it was because he didn't trust her. Sigh.

It's also bull that you should never speak about your SO negatively. I love my SO but sometimes we drive each other crazy, and talking to a friend about it can help. If there's something he needs to know about that, he can ask me and I'll be honest, but I think respect is FAR more important than sharing everything.

[Moon]

Initially, we apologize for not reading every post which is situated in this thread. Although we have something which we feel inclined to share with those who observe this thread. We would like to address that you should not have a problem with your SO examining your texts, or anything else. Although our assertion may seem radical, it is actually rational. Whilst in a relationship, you should have nothing to hide from your SO. We don't have much more to say, other than the criticism presented already. We believe it's best that you do not speak negatively about your SO on text or whatever, or not to text the opposite sex in ANY way provocatively. We believe it is best if you simply think about how you would feel if your SO texted the same thing. That's all, thanks for reading.

Wow, OK The only thing I can say to this is you must be very, very young. Someday, you'll understand and respect privacy. Also, it might be a good idea to read the thread before replying, so you'll know what's already been discussed.

[Malaga]

Initially, we apologize for not reading every post which is situated in this thread. Although we have something which we feel inclined to share with those who observe this thread. We would like to address that you should not have a problem with your SO examining your texts, or anything else. Although our assertion may seem radical, it is actually rational. Whilst in a relationship, you should have nothing to hide from your SO. We don't have much more to say, other than the criticism presented already. We believe it's best that you do not speak negatively about your SO on text or whatever, or not to text the opposite sex in ANY way provocatively. We believe it is best if you simply think about how you would feel if your SO texted the same thing. That's all, thanks for reading.

Wow sorry but the way you write is just so creepy. This could've been written by Borg in both form and content. I see you guys are a fresh couple so I can understand that right now thinking of yourself as one entity seems incredibly romantic but over time you'll realise you lose more than you gain. Both as a couple and as individuals.

[Dziubka]

Spoiler:

I don't want to kidnap Rugger's thread and I have nothing new to add.
But am I the only one who imagined Gollum when reading that post?

[Moon]

Spoiler:

I don't want to kidnap Rugger's thread and I have nothing new to add.
But am I the only one who imagined Gollum when reading that post?

That made me laugh so much, I have tears!!

[LittleBox]

Spoiler:

I don't want to kidnap Rugger's thread and I have nothing new to add.
But am I the only one who imagined Gollum when reading that post?

Yessss, my precious xDD

Rugger, I've been following your thread and I really hope you manage to work things out for the best. I can't imagine how wrenching it must feel to watch him fall apart like that. Hopefully the counseling will help you both get your preservatives out into the open and help you work towards a mutual understanding. Sending you heaps of positive thoughts.

[Rugger]

He won't answer my texts so I don't know if therapy is going to happen.

This is the longest we haven't spoken since we started dating.

I'm falling apart

[loneliestgirl]

He won't answer my texts so I don't know if therapy is going to happen.

This is the longest we haven't spoken since we started dating.

I'm falling apart

I am sorry that he hasn't been communicating with you. He is probably really confused, hurt, embarrassed and overwhelmed. He needs a little bit of time to get himself together emotionally and breathe in the comfort of his family. From how you speak of him, he doesn't sound like the sort who would just ignore you out of spite or jerkiness.

As for the therapy, you should go even if it turns out to be just you for this appointment. The therapist is trained to help you figure out how to sort your emotions and give you strategies and support for whatever direction you decide to pursue. Once your SO is ready to talk, you can always schedule a joint session if that is something you both want to pursue together.

[Thoth]

I wouldn't have had a problem if he had just asked me. I had nothing to hide. It's the fact that he doesn't trust me that hurts. I resent that implication that I was the one who was doing something wrong. He crossed a line by invading my privacy without asking. Yes, I have a problem with the fact he doesn't trust me. I've done nothing to deserve that. I've never cheated on him. I've never lied to him. I've never done anything to warrant what he did. I don't feel the need to check his texts because I trusted him. Just because I have friends who are male doesn't mean me texting them is wrong. I'm allowed to have male friends, just like he is allowed to have female friends. He has many of them whom I trust him with. I wasn't texting about him. I was texting about stupid shit with my friends and co-workers and there is nothing wrong with that.

It's not rational, in fact it's just the opposite. Everyone has a right to privacy. Just because you two share everything with each other, doesn't mean that those of who want out own space are irrational. It means we are normal humans.

You truly feel as though you had done nothing wrong? If you had done nothing wrong though, he wouldn't have yelled at you, isn't that so? Although we're unsure of what exactly he has raged on about, we attempt to give our criticism even with the ultra-etic view. That is why we question, even though it may seem "harsh". It's nice to hear that you have never cheated on him, lied to him or have done anything to justify what he has done, although, what was it that really got him upset? If you've already said so in another post, link us to that and we'll examine it. When you claim as though you've done nothing wrong though, why was he so enraged from reading your texts? That is why we wanted to ask, what does he say that you've done wrong? When you say that you were "... texting stupid shit with my friends and co-workers" what was that "stupid shit"? We're just curious of why he was so upset. We were stating that our statement was rational. We believe you understood that, though, you misunderstood. Yes, everyone has the right to privacy, although you should not be hiding anything from your SO, we presume. We only assume you did have something to hide because of how he was upset.

Even if she wasn't talking about her SO (which I'm sure we've all vented to someone or other about our SO at one point), her texts are private. He should respect her privacy.

Yeah sure, he should respect her privacy. She shouldn't be hiding anything from him though. The fact that he yelled at her propounds that she was indeed hiding something from him, doesn't it? Although, remember it is possible our assumptions are off the meter.

The issue for me (and Rugger for that matter) is that her SO looked at the messages without asking Rugger. It's also rational to think that one would want to maintain their own privacy. It's radical to expect everybody to want to be an open book.

You're mistaking a relationship, where the couple should be able to share everything with their partner, than a friendship or anything else. For example, Blanky would share anything with Pillow as long as she asked, and Pillow would commit the same. Although Blanky and Pillow would not do the same for anyone else.

Having space and privacy and hiding things from your SO are not necessarily the same thing. I mean... You wouldn't go to the bathroom together would you? And that's privacy without having something to hide.

By all means, share everything with your SO if you want. But don't equate privacy with having something to hide.

The point being made is that it's disrespectful to do something to your SO without their permission.

We understand your analogy, although there is a difference between private necessities and privacy. Although you are one-hundred percent correct about the statement "it's disrespectful to do something to your SO without their permission.".

If you had read the whole thread, you would have realised that she said she deals with confidential work and can legally only speak to her colleagues about it - Don't jump to conclusions if you haven't bothered to read everything. If you discuss confidential work with someone outside of the office, you risk both your job and criminal charges, so she has every right to keep that to herself.

And that being said, again, while some people share everything, not everyone does and no one should have to share more than they want. She wasn't hiding anything about her SO and again to reiterate what I said before - it is the INTENT that matters. He wasn't checking her phone for harmless reasons, it was because he didn't trust her. Sigh.

It's also bull that you should never speak about your SO negatively. I love my SO but sometimes we drive each other crazy, and talking to a friend about it can help. If there's something he needs to know about that, he can ask me and I'll be honest, but I think respect is FAR more important than sharing everything.

We do not understand why her SO would yell at her though. This postulates that she has done something wrong. Or are we simply wrong? We believe that you must consider other factors than trust. Allow me to append an example, two friends of ours, A and B (both are based on actual friends), if A were to somehow log into B's FaceBook/Skype, or anything else, A would read a whole bunch of messages sent out by B, why? Curiosity, in this case, it is not related to trust at all. Humans are the most curious species on Earth, and through their time since the Australopithecus Afarensis, they have been deceived by their own specie, which suggests humans are naturally instinctively curious in terms of being "nosy" in a sense. If you are not, then you are either a psychopath or you have the argumentum ad hominem fallacy [irrelevant conclusion] attitude, where you cling to your position of personality even though your mind speaks otherwise.

Wow, OK The only thing I can say to this is you must be very, very young. Someday, you'll understand and respect privacy. Also, it might be a good idea to read the thread before replying, so you'll know what's already been discussed.

Yes, we are very young. Although your next statement appears to be hasty generalization. The reason why we call upon the informal fallacy of hasty generalization is because you are claiming as though we do not understand and respect privacy because we are young. It is a good idea however to read the thread before posting, although this far into the thread, we would rather to post and if something has been said and if we must be informed of it then sure we will go read it. Seems much more logically to just read everything so far though.

Wow sorry but the way you write is just so creepy. This could've been written by Borg in both form and content. I see you guys are a fresh couple so I can understand that right now thinking of yourself as one entity seems incredibly romantic but over time you'll realise you lose more than you gain. Both as a couple and as individuals.

We don't fully understand what you're talking about, or even why that was applicable. We don't understand how this post assisted in defending our logic or opposed.

He won't answer my texts so I don't know if therapy is going to happen.

This is the longest we haven't spoken since we started dating.

I'm falling apart

Ultimately we wish you the best of luck. Our advice couldn't be much more than to just give it some time. Do not panic, and do not worry yourself.

Amen.

[kteire]

We do not understand why her SO would yell at her though. This postulates that she has done something wrong. Or are we simply wrong? We believe that you must consider other factors than trust. Allow me to append an example, two friends of ours, A and B (both are based on actual friends), if A were to somehow log into B's FaceBook/Skype, or anything else, A would read a whole bunch of messages sent out by B, why? Curiosity, in this case, it is not related to trust at all. Humans are the most curious species on Earth, and through their time since the Australopithecus Afarensis, they have been deceived by their own specie, which suggests humans are naturally instinctively curious in terms of being "nosy" in a sense. If you are not, then you are either a psychopath or you have the argumentum ad hominem fallacy [irrelevant conclusion] attitude, where you cling to your position of personality even though your mind speaks otherwise

You completely missed the point of my post. I never said humans aren't curious, and curiosity has a great deal to do with trust in this case. As she said, he could have asked her who she was texting and she could have told him, and that could have taken care of his wondering who she was texting. But he basically decided he didn't trust her to be honest, and waited until she left the room to find out. Assuming your SO is lying is NOT A GOOD THING. I find it crazy that you keep assuming she's hiding something, and it's not helping the situation. Also trying to quote evolutionary genetics (and trying to make it sound more complicated than it is...) is not supporting your cause, I studied evolutionary genetics at university and can still know that humans are capable of controlling things like curiosity, when you trust a person.

[Tooki]

You missed my point Thoth. Being an open book is a choice, not a requirement. Couples can NOT be an open book and still be successful as well. Your analogy is also correct, but you failed to recognise that Rugger's SO did NOT ask to read her text messages on her phone. That is the issue in this situation.

Also if her SO were truly trusting of Rugger, he would have pushed his curiosity aside and NOT read her messages, even though his curiosity was driving him to look at it.

[Dziubka]

Rugger I'm so sorry. If you don't want to give up yet, you can give him some more time. I can't imagine how hard this must be for the two of you


Thoth:
Why are you so convinced that it was right of him to yell in the first place? What if she did nothing wrong and him yelling was wrong? Why don't you even consider that option?
*edit: I also think that (even though I'm guilty of that as well) yelling is basically always wrong. The logic that he yelled so *you* must have done something wrong is seriously f*cked up. Like there's so much wrong with it, I don't even know where to begin.

Spoiler:

Also:
I can't get this out of my mind. Sorry.

[Tooki]

If Morgan Freeman read that to me, I would enjoy it.

[digitalfever]

You truly feel as though you had done nothing wrong? If you had done nothing wrong though, he wouldn't have yelled at you, isn't that so? Although we're unsure of what exactly he has raged on about, we attempt to give our criticism even with the ultra-etic view. That is why we question, even though it may seem "harsh". It's nice to hear that you have never cheated on him, lied to him or have done anything to justify what he has done, although, what was it that really got him upset? If you've already said so in another post, link us to that and we'll examine it. When you claim as though you've done nothing wrong though, why was he so enraged from reading your texts? That is why we wanted to ask, what does he say that you've done wrong? When you say that you were "... texting stupid shit with my friends and co-workers" what was that "stupid shit"? We're just curious of why he was so upset. We were stating that our statement was rational. We believe you understood that, though, you misunderstood. Yes, everyone has the right to privacy, although you should not be hiding anything from your SO, we presume. We only assume you did have something to hide because of how he was upset.



Yeah sure, he should respect her privacy. She shouldn't be hiding anything from him though. The fact that he yelled at her propounds that she was indeed hiding something from him, doesn't it? Although, remember it is possible our assumptions are off the meter.



You're mistaking a relationship, where the couple should be able to share everything with their partner, than a friendship or anything else. For example, Blanky would share anything with Pillow as long as she asked, and Pillow would commit the same. Although Blanky and Pillow would not do the same for anyone else.



We understand your analogy, although there is a difference between private necessities and privacy. Although you are one-hundred percent correct about the statement "it's disrespectful to do something to your SO without their permission.".



We do not understand why her SO would yell at her though. This postulates that she has done something wrong. Or are we simply wrong? We believe that you must consider other factors than trust. Allow me to append an example, two friends of ours, A and B (both are based on actual friends), if A were to somehow log into B's FaceBook/Skype, or anything else, A would read a whole bunch of messages sent out by B, why? Curiosity, in this case, it is not related to trust at all. Humans are the most curious species on Earth, and through their time since the Australopithecus Afarensis, they have been deceived by their own specie, which suggests humans are naturally instinctively curious in terms of being "nosy" in a sense. If you are not, then you are either a psychopath or you have the argumentum ad hominem fallacy [irrelevant conclusion] attitude, where you cling to your position of personality even though your mind speaks otherwise.



Yes, we are very young. Although your next statement appears to be hasty generalization. The reason why we call upon the informal fallacy of hasty generalization is because you are claiming as though we do not understand and respect privacy because we are young. It is a good idea however to read the thread before posting, although this far into the thread, we would rather to post and if something has been said and if we must be informed of it then sure we will go read it. Seems much more logically to just read everything so far though.



We don't fully understand what you're talking about, or even why that was applicable. We don't understand how this post assisted in defending our logic or opposed.



Ultimately we wish you the best of luck. Our advice couldn't be much more than to just give it some time. Do not panic, and do not worry yourself.

Amen.

You said "we" I assumed that means Maat is there with you. Please say hi.