Did you..?

[phoenix-]

Move in together as soon as you closed the distance?
Would you?

Because, he's right. It would make so much more sense to move in together. He wants me to. Wants to wake up beside me and come home to me, he says. But I'm so afraid of the horror stories, you know? We dated for a second (ahem, 2 months) before he had to leave for medical residency. We've visited each other half-a-dozen times since (so six visits in eight months, so far). We're planning another couple of visits before the summer, which is the season we're thinking of closing this infernal distance.

I'm a nurse and he's a doctor, so we're both fairly set professionally. I don't plan on moving to him before acquiring a job there first. Neither of us are rich by any means since we're both fresh out of school (a year out of school, to be more accurate). We both have loans that we are paying off. I know this move will set me back thousands of dollars in addition to adjusting to a new job, new city, no family, no friends, etcetera. I have never done anything this drastically independent. I've done international moves, but always to and with family. I've moved out before but to live with an ex-boyfriend, and that ended horribly. I am not living with my parents now, but I am still living in my childhood home (my father left it to me after I graduated). My younger sisters still live with me, so there's always that sense of safety, of being home and with family.

I have a very hyper dog.

So on the one hand, it would be so much simpler on my wallet and my nerves if I moved in with him. It's what he wants. We would've been dating for a year, so it technically makes sense. On the other hand, shouldn't I be trying to live on my own first? Wouldn't it be too much of a crazy culture shock for him to be living with his girlfriend and her insanely happy dog all of a sudden when we've barely spent a solid amount of time really getting to know each other beyond the whirlwind summer romance, the honeymoon vacations and the nightly skype conversations?

Keep in mind, guys, I want to marry this guy one day and I really don't want to jeopardize that, lol! I'm so torn. I want to be with him. There's no doubt about that. And financially, I'm not quite "there" yet. But I don't want to put our relationship at risk by allowing us to move too fast. What are your thoughts?

[snow_girl]

I moved in with him as soon as we closed the distance. It didn't make sense to move across the world to live down the block form him. I do feel like sometimes we moved to fast. If it was a CD relationship there is no way I would have moved in with him as fast as I did. Sometimes I wonder how it affected our relationship, but for the most part its pretty okay.

[kteire]

I think it depends on whether you feel you're ready to take that step or not. My SO and I moved in together as soon as we closed the distance, and had a similar amount of time together as you and your SO! We started as a summer romance and dated CD for about 2 months, and then had a bunch of visits back and forth. We never spent a great deal of time physically together, but since we decided to move to London, I didn't think I could afford to live on my own, and we both felt ready for that step. I have never regretted it, and I have never been so happy I didn't find it to be much of a shock, except that for once I wasn't counting down the days until we'd be separated again.

I guess not having lived away from family much is something big to consider. I generally think it's a good idea to live away from home for a while to be comfortable with living with non-family people, but I haven't had much experience with it honestly. I moved out when I was 18, and have lived with a lot of people. I don't necessarily think that moving in together very soon would be a bad thing, but when you're making a big move like that it is hard to take a step back if things don't go quite as planned. Could you live apart for a short while (6 months maybe?) and try to gradually adjust to being closer together and to being away from family?

[Moon]

For me, I'd probably get my own place at first. I'm very, very used to living on my own and so is he, so I think we'd definitely need an adjustment period since we only get to see each other about 3 times a year. I'd hate to go through all the trouble only to have to kill him Our situation is different though, we're international, and we've both lived on our own for a very long time. Either way, you're being very smart to think about this, many people just think closing the distance will be a paradise of unicorns, clouds and rainbows, and move right in, only to find out real life is much, much different! If you can take a short term lease somewhere, it might be a good solution for you.

[kayla_622]

We haven't closed the distance yet but, when/if we do we would definitely go straight to living together. We see each other often enough so it wouldn't be weird to go from 2-3 visits a year to living together. Everyone is different. If you two both think that moving in together right away would work then go for it but, if either of you think it might be a little strange then get a month to month lease on an apartment and then go from there.

[charly]

In my case I would move in with him directly. Almost every time we have been together, our visits were more than a month. And since we both live on our own, we basically sort of (veryvery shorly) lived together. But we do know how much space we need, weird habbits, the stuff you would do on your own at home as well. It wouldn't make sense indeed to get our own apartment. I would however need a big place, with my own space, not just a one or two room apartment.

It might be nice to have an own little place the first months, just to get used to each other, and you hyper dog (haha) but then again, you already mentioned you both have debts from college...I think slowly getting used to waking up next to eachother, and anoying habbits etc could be nice. Especially when you feel like going little too fast.

[Rugger]

I moved in with him as soon as we closed the distance. It didn't make sense to move across the world to live down the block form him. I do feel like sometimes we moved to fast. If it was a CD relationship there is no way I would have moved in with him as fast as I did. Sometimes I wonder how it affected our relationship, but for the most part its pretty okay.

This and it's affected my relationship for the worse. We moved in directly after he moved to me. I wasn't ready, I wanted us to live with my parents for a few months to get used to it and he wouldn't hear of it. It was a HUGE adjustment and honestly, I'm still adjusting.

[Sora1101]

I'll be moving in with my SO right away, it makes no sense for us (who will probably be dirt poor after closing the distance) to be renting two different places when I know we'll either be at one apartment or the other together anyway. More than likely though we will also have a roommate(s), so it'll be almost like communal living and therefore I don't think we'll get in each others faces as often as if we were the only ones in the place. We both are ready to live together though it'll be a bit of an adjustment we are good about communicating problems and we're both kind of...solitary even when we're together meaning we don't feel the need to constantly be sitting together or even being in the same room together so as long as we each have our own little "me space" I think we'll pull through alright.

[snow]

So far the plan is like this: As long as the VWP works I can stay in America for 3 months each visit, so in this time we'll see how well living together works, but I am pretty sure once I move to America I am going to live with him. Getting my own place would only mean to spend money that I don't have on something that is not really necessary, in my opinion.

[D.4C]

my fiancee moved here a month ago...and she moved in with me right away....just made more sense...i have a house...with plenty of room for her stuff and all that...sure...it takes a while to get used to each other...and little quirks and that...but you just have to stay in good communication...be patient...and accept things....and it all works out...

[Kristin91]

We didn't. Granted we're both in school so unless we were to get an apartment and bend the rules a bit, we wouldn't be able to. However, we may share an apartment with 4 other people next year, but we're still talking about it and thinking it over. It makes us both a little apprehensive...

I guess I'll be stalking this thread to hear other people's opinions!

[Zephii]

Getting my own place when I moved to him wasn't really an option. I think it'd be pretty lame for him to have expected me to move overseas only to live alone. However, we knew each other online for five years, and he had a four month visit with me before I moved to him. So it was a fairly safe bet.

In my opinion waiting to move in won't make you more compatible. You either have it or you don't, and it's better to figure that out sooner rather than later. (Though it's advisable to have a couple grand saved up just in case you need out in a hurry. Don't strand yourself!)

[lademoiselle]

We'd prefer to move in together as soon as we close the distance, but that would (ideally) happen at a point when we're both financially independent, so should it not work out neither of us would be reliant on the other.

[Tooki]

If I closed the distance, it would be to live with my GF. It's not practical for me to move to her country and live on my own unless I had a job as well (fat chance!)

[lyonsgirl]

It depends for us. If we are able to close the distance prior to the wedding (keep your fingers crossed!!!!) we won't. The only way we'd be able to do this though, is if I find a job near him. Although we wouldn't actually live together, I imagine he'd move some of his stuff out of storage and into our apartment, and spend more time there than at his house (since he's often complaining of not having any personal space there). But if we can't close the distance until after the wedding, he will move in with me, where ever work has taken me next. I know it seems silly, but if he continues to live at home he'd be able to continue saving his money, rather than feeling obligated to pitch in for the apartment expenses.