The "One"

[ThePiedPiper]

I don't think there's such a thing as "the one". It's a concept used to sell cards and perfume
That aside, I think you can tell if the relationship has potential or not and you can tell if that person is special or not... but until you meet in person I think it's hard not to second guess your feelings and experiences.

I agree with this. I do believe in soul mates, but I don't believe there's one special person out there. For example, my mother was married for 19 years and then got divorced. Though she never loved my father enough to consider him her "soul mate," there are people who are in love for 10+ years and then simply stop meshing. This happens to a lot of high school and college aged couples and it's statistically likely to hit at least some people on this forum, too! That doesn't mean you never loved your SO or that they weren't who was right for you in the moment.

I was in love with my ex. I do believe that he and I connected on a soul level. I have never been so deeply in love with someone, both for who they were and for what our relationship meant to us/me, but it stopped working. He stopped working to improve our relationship, he stopped working to improve himself, and he didn't care enough to improve his life situation (he claimed he was fine and "happy" living in poverty/off welfare). I am an extremely dynamic individual. My response to an issue isn't to accept that "oh well, that's me and you either like it or don't." My response is to seek the help of a therapist if I feel that I need the extra support and I change it. My ex was not this type of person, in the end, and so I ended up outgrowing him. *shrug* This does not mean this invalidates the soul connection I felt with him, and I did, at one point, see myself getting married to him. I still think that in a future partner, some of my ex's positive traits are the very traits I'd seek in a future life partner. I don't believe that this is somehow invalidated because by the law of "the one."

I tend to agree with Zephii and Malaga. I think people can be "the one"/your soul mate at the time, but they might not always be that "one." This doesn't mean that they're any less important or that the connection that was had was any less real. It simply means you outgrew each other, which is sometimes what happens and it's beyond anyone's control. I also don't entirely feel you can know someone's your soul mate until you've met and spent a significant chunk of time together in person, not a week or even a month but a significant enough chunk of time that you can see the little things you only get to talk about in a LDR. The reason I say this is because I think there's a huge element of fantasy in a LDR. It's a lot about planning for the future, dreaming ahead, etc. simply to make the distance bearable and sometimes I think people get too caught up in the fantasy of their LDR to accept that there's another side of reality and they might not have considered it. I have no doubt that for those of us who are no longer with the same people we were when joining this forum, or for those going in that direction, that we were once as madly in love as some of the people waiting to meet for the very first time. I think it does take getting to be with someone as they are, not as they are when madly in love, not as they are in a relationship with a honeymoon phase that's constantly being renewed, but as they are at their normal best and at their worst (my ex's mother's passing is what killed our honeymoon stage, otherwise I have no doubt it'd probably still exist in the context of distance and visits three times a year) to know whether or not you two are compatible for the long-haul. Call me cynical, but I simply don't think you can see that reality clearly when you see your SO only a few times a year for a week to a month at a time.