All the plans are changing...
Of course. Everything was alright for about a day. I've been planning to withdraw from my PhD program and move back in with my SO, and after solving all the little hurdles to get me out of here, I had one day to enjoy it. I had to find out what would happen to my student loans, my tuition waivers, my paychecks, and my lease. All of those were solved in my benefit. I wouldn't be broke, and would actually have spending money once I was out and looking for a job. I was one week away from closing the distance and getting to stop wasting my time on school that I just don't want to do right now.
Then it came crashing down. I got an email saying to call. Called. My paychecks have apparently been higher than they should have been since my second month here. And I owe them the difference. That's money I was counting on, had budgeted for, etc. I don't really have the money to give them back and follow through with my plans.
I don't know what all this means yet. I'm meeting them tomorrow to talk about options for giving them back the money, which apparently could change based on whether or not I decide to stay. But the truth is, if I don't stay, I won't have the money to give them unless they are willing to take very small payments over a really long time. Or at least really small payments for a while until I get a job. It's possible, but unlikely. The law protects them in this case, meaning that they don't have to work with me at all if they don't want to. They have every right to demand all the money right now. I have it, but that would mean I have to stay.
Stay could mean a couple of things. It is possible (though really difficult financially) that I could just stay long enough to have earned my loans, then leave. I would be able to use my student loans to pay them, but leaving would make me fail my classes. Nothing terrible, since I'm quitting, but I have considered getting a PhD at some point in the future. Failing could complicate that.
Alternatively, I could stay the whole semester. Try my best for my classes. I'd come out in decent shape financially, if I can budget well. But I'd have to do my classes. And they are hard. Even if you want to be there. It's even harder to do all that stuff if you don't want to be there and have no future in the program. And also see my SO a whole lot less than I'd thought. I am falling apart here without him. I want to spend time on what is most important to me right now, and that's him.
I'm still not sure what this means, but I'm preparing myself for the worst -- I have to stay all semester.
On top of all of this, I have two other big things outstanding. My rent money order for January was stolen out of the drop box. I still haven't heard back from the money order company about who cashed it. And my car was towed and the tow truck damaged it. The tow company is refusing to say they are liable. It's not a scratch, either. It's a bent frame. It is dangerous to drive.
I'm just so lost. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this. Really, I need to wait until tomorrow when I can find out what options I have. But emotionally, I'm becoming resigned. I thought I was going to get to have him every day starting in a week. But now I probably won't. I'm trying to get on with things. Keep myself busy. And I have a lot to do. But it's hard to think about days continuing on this different track. I will have to get up and take a shower in the morning. And get on the bus and go to school. And all that just seems so wrong. Ugh... Somehow I knew this wouldn't just go smoothly...
Then it came crashing down. I got an email saying to call. Called. My paychecks have apparently been higher than they should have been since my second month here. And I owe them the difference. That's money I was counting on, had budgeted for, etc. I don't really have the money to give them back and follow through with my plans.
I don't know what all this means yet. I'm meeting them tomorrow to talk about options for giving them back the money, which apparently could change based on whether or not I decide to stay. But the truth is, if I don't stay, I won't have the money to give them unless they are willing to take very small payments over a really long time. Or at least really small payments for a while until I get a job. It's possible, but unlikely. The law protects them in this case, meaning that they don't have to work with me at all if they don't want to. They have every right to demand all the money right now. I have it, but that would mean I have to stay.
Stay could mean a couple of things. It is possible (though really difficult financially) that I could just stay long enough to have earned my loans, then leave. I would be able to use my student loans to pay them, but leaving would make me fail my classes. Nothing terrible, since I'm quitting, but I have considered getting a PhD at some point in the future. Failing could complicate that.
Alternatively, I could stay the whole semester. Try my best for my classes. I'd come out in decent shape financially, if I can budget well. But I'd have to do my classes. And they are hard. Even if you want to be there. It's even harder to do all that stuff if you don't want to be there and have no future in the program. And also see my SO a whole lot less than I'd thought. I am falling apart here without him. I want to spend time on what is most important to me right now, and that's him.
I'm still not sure what this means, but I'm preparing myself for the worst -- I have to stay all semester.
On top of all of this, I have two other big things outstanding. My rent money order for January was stolen out of the drop box. I still haven't heard back from the money order company about who cashed it. And my car was towed and the tow truck damaged it. The tow company is refusing to say they are liable. It's not a scratch, either. It's a bent frame. It is dangerous to drive.
I'm just so lost. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this. Really, I need to wait until tomorrow when I can find out what options I have. But emotionally, I'm becoming resigned. I thought I was going to get to have him every day starting in a week. But now I probably won't. I'm trying to get on with things. Keep myself busy. And I have a lot to do. But it's hard to think about days continuing on this different track. I will have to get up and take a shower in the morning. And get on the bus and go to school. And all that just seems so wrong. Ugh... Somehow I knew this wouldn't just go smoothly...
Comment