Easier to be the one ahead or behind?

[Jezah]

So, I had an argument with my SO just now (what else is new) about the time difference. He, I guess, is mad that every time he needs to go to bed I seem "wounded" (his words) and that he wants me to stop. Keep in mind, his is in England and I am in the eastern US so our time diff is 5 hours...meaning he wants to get to bed at 11pm his time and that is 6pm my time. Yes, on this shift of work he needs to get up early but we also get MORE time since he talks to me when he gets home from work at 2pm his time....it doesn't change that saying goodnight to your boyfriend at 6 pm sucks some serious crap balls.

So to the topic in the subject line...what do you think sucks more? The one who is behind and has their SO go to bed at 6 pm and has a entire evening of boredom ahead of them, or the one who is ahead and maybe misses a few hours with them in the AM since 9 am is 4 am to them? I personally think it is being behind that sucks more...since my SO who is ahead pretty much gets to know I am awake and around to talk to the majority of the time he is awake. Whereas I know I have hours upon hours after he goes to bed to be alone and missing him.

Blah, opinions?

[ThePiedPiper]

For me, in my relationship, I found that it was a mix of both. There were times my ex had to go to bed and I was still up for hours and I missed him to pieces, but there were also times I went to bed early and he stayed up later and so he wasn't up when I was, and I remember hating getting up in the morning, anticipating him being on (even if I knew he wouldn't be) and seeing him be offline, too. Missing your SO is missing your SO and I think it's silly to argue over who has it worse when it's a subjective experience. But I can personally say whether I missed him in the morning or evening, it was all the same to me. I imagine it was the same to my ex, too.

[MadMolly]

Mine was about 20 hours behind so in theory, four hours ahead (or 5-6 depending on daylight savings). I am on your side here! I go out a lot at night so I would always wanna text him stuff about my night but he'd be asleep!

[Dezface]

I was ahead and my SO was behind when we were long distance. I think he had it worse. At night he would just be sitting around by himself after I went to bed. It was especially bad during the time of year we were 7 hours apart. He was saying good night to me as he got off work. And that was with me staying up till midnight.

In contrast, if I was up in the mornings before him I was usually busy so while I would have liked for him to be awake, it wasn't as big of a deal.

[MattDavies86]

It doesn't really matter to me, my SO is 7 hours ahead of me, but she has taken afternoon / evening shifts at work, this way she wakes same time as me, we have lunch same time and talk and finish same time give or take an hour, so it's kinda perfect for us, she is already living on UK time

[Zephii]

It was 5-7 hours for us (depending on daylight savings). I don't think there's a position that sucks worse. I was the person behind, with hours of the night to fill and I never thought to complain about it. I watched him sleep, or came here, or used to time to be with other important people in my life. Or study, there was lots of study.
At some point I figured I'm in a LDR, so some things are going to be flexible. I got up at 5am to talk to him in his lunch break. No big deal. He'd stay up so late I could see the sun rise in his room. No big deal. If he wanted to sleep at a reasonable time and I had things to say, I'd email or leave offlines.
It can suck a bit, but I had to remind myself that it's unhealthy for him to be my entertainment and worse to make him feel guilty for wanting a bit of shut-eye.

[Kiyama]

Both sucks I think. We are nine hours apart. When I wake up too late,he's already in bed but then I usually go to work and by the time I get home, he wakes up. Problem is that then he goes to work and still is when I go to sleep. So both of us "enjoy" our free time on our own we still manage to talk but half an hour a day is rare, often it's just a few minutes. Jep, that's how it is for us.

[snow]

I agree. Both sucks! I am the one ahead and I tried so hard to stay awake until he went to bed at 5am my time that I started to skip sleep all together. It just burnt me out, so right now we're trying to send me to bed at midnight (6pm his time) until we meet, so I get some rest. I am sure it sucks for him, but we'll manage

[Malaga]

I think it depends on who has a more active social life. If you're more active in the evenings, I think it's better to be behind. If you're more of a homebody, it's the other way round. Certainly both are difficult. We're so lucky that there's just one timezone between us. He's been travelling to the US quite a lot recently, and it was hard on both of us.

[Jazi]

We have an 11 hour time difference at the moment.. and i'm the one ahead. But it doesnt really matter because we are running on complete opposite times, I end up having most of my day with him sleeping, and he has his whole evening/night with me sleeping. I do stay up VERY late though just so we can talk when he gets home from work (4am my time) and then if I'm not working when he wakes up (7am his time/6pm my time) then we will talk a little then...

We both have to have that time apart, with work and sleeping + a complete opposite time difference. I don't think there is a 'better' timezone to be in, you just have to make it work and do crazy things to find time to talk, even being in the same timezone could be a pain if you had different schedules..

[leonsfangirl]

It was 5-7 hours for us (depending on daylight savings). I don't think there's a position that sucks worse. I was the person behind, with hours of the night to fill and I never thought to complain about it. I watched him sleep, or came here, or used to time to be with other important people in my life. Or study, there was lots of study.
At some point I figured I'm in a LDR, so some things are going to be flexible. I got up at 5am to talk to him in his lunch break. No big deal. He'd stay up so late I could see the sun rise in his room. No big deal. If he wanted to sleep at a reasonable time and I had things to say, I'd email or leave offlines.
It can suck a bit, but I had to remind myself that it's unhealthy for him to be my entertainment and worse to make him feel guilty for wanting a bit of shut-eye.

This!

They both suck equally. I'm between 6 and 8 hours ahead depending on daylight saving time. We both stay up late to talk so therefore run on little sleep but we've gotten used to it. It's just something you work around.

[Oldblighty]

Both are just as bad as each other. My hubby's six hours behind at present, he doesn't get off work until 4.30 his time..10.30pm my time and because he gets lonely and bored I stay up until 3am, sometimes 5am. It does take its toll on me, so once or twice per week I have an earlier night. Unfortunately time differences are part and parcel of being in a LDR, so you've just got to work together and deal with the problems it brings...

[redapple]

We speak every other night. My 11pm is his 7am so he gets up early and I stay up late. Every other night means I'm not shattered! I think that maybe it's harder on me as in my evenings he's asleep but then he probably thinks its worse for him when he can't contact me until 5pm his time and even then I'm at work.

You just have to make do I think. The whole situation sucks but debating who has it worst isn't going to help in my opinion!

[Moon]

I think he has it worse, being 7 hours ahead. When I get home from work, around 6pm, it's already 1am his time, and we talk at least an hour. That poor boy never, ever gets enough sleep! I don't mind having those "extra" hours, that's when I get all my shit done, watch some TV, dick around on the net, play with my mutts, and hang out with my kid. After almost 4 years, we're so adjusted to our schedule that it doesn't alter much, even on weekends, sometimes we start an hour or so earlier and always go a lot later, but it's not a drastic change.

Seriously, find a hobby, stop living your life just for talking to your boyfriend, you'll be much more content.

[kayla_622]

My SO and I don't live in different time zones but, the way his schedule is for work makes it seem like he's hours ahead of me. He gets up at 3-4am for work, works all day until about 4pm and recently has been going to bed at 7pm. I get off work the same time he does but, when he gets home around 4:30-5 he has things he needs to do like eat. So, by the time we do actually get to talk he's already about to go to bed. Then I'm sort of left with hours left to kill. I'm a homebody and I only go out maybe one night a week and that's usually the weekends so, most of my free time is at home and that gives me lots of time to myself. Which, some nights is great. I like having time to myself and not having to talk to anybody. I need some alone time but, sometimes I want to just talk to him and can't because he's sleeping. It gets hard. Our relationship is still new and I'm still trying to figure out how to adjust to only being able to communicate with him for an hour or less. If even that some nights.