he won't talk to me

[Antoniosangel]

Hi everyone. I'm new here. I have been in a ldr with my boyfriend for 7 months. He is absolutely amazing. We connect on pretty much every level. There seems to be one problem, he won't talk to me when he's upset. I know some guys don't like talking about stuff like that, but we have always promised to communicate about everything. I just don't want him to shut me out.
Thank you for reading.

[Alsfia]

I know that I can't talk when I'm upset about anything, I know my SO would like me to but I just end up getting more upset if I talk about whatever it is that bothers me at the moment, I have to calm down first... I think best thing to do would be not to pressure him and let him sort it out on his own first, and then ask if he wants to talk about it. Everyone handles stress differently, and some just have to be left alone for a while

[MattDavies86]

Yea we just have to accept some people like to talk about things and others don't, it doesn't mean he doesn't trust you or anything, I'm willing to bet he'll tell you after he feels better what it is, my SO is hit and miss, I can always tell if something is wrong, and she says no, so that tells me she doesn't want to talk, so I just tell her ok, I know something is wrong, but I'm not going to ask again, she knows she can always talk to me anyway.

Don't worry too much about it

[Tanja]

Sometimes you need to learn it. For me, it took about 2 years to really open up to my SO and talk when I was upset. People are different. Let him know you're there for him whenever he needs and let him come to you when he's ready. I'm sure eventually he will

[TwoThree]

My SO is like that. Or used to be. When he is upset about something (even work-related), he just shuts everyone off, myself included, and would keep communication to a minimum. It used to hurt me a lot, but I learned to give him space and let him come to me with what's bothering him, so now it's much easier.

As Tanja said, it takes a while for some people to be abme to completely open up to their partners. I've been with mine for four years, and you have been together for a few months, so I say give it time and be patient.

[Mims27]

I was like that too. I would shut down when I was uspet and I still do sometimes. It took my quite a while to get over that cause in my family we didn't talk about our problems, we just pushed them down. Don't push him to talk, just keep reminding him that you are there if he needs to talk. He'll open up eventually.

[kayla_622]

My SO is like that. Usually when my SO is upset or something is bothering him he just wants to be left alone and doesn't want to talk to anyone so, I try to give him space. Its hard because I like to talk things out when I'm upset but, I try to be understanding with how he is. I do let him know that I'm here if he ever needs to talk. That's really the only thing you can do. You can't force someone to talk to you when they are upset if they don't like doing that. Just understand that he's not shutting you out he coping the only way he knows how and you can just remind him that you are there if he ever does need to talk.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

My SO pulls away big time when he is stressed out or upset whereas I will lean on him when I am upset. It's just his way of coping. *hugs* It'll be fine. Maybe talk it out after he calms down or feels better.

[Kristin91]

If you can, try working up to it... if you can get him to tell you the general topic of why he's upset, and then later more details, and then even more until he's really communicating with you. It might be less intimidating than asking him to spill his guts (especially when he obviously isn't used to doing so).

[Tooki]

It took my GF months (before we even started dating) before we could have a deep conversation about anything. Give your man some time, some aren't as comfortable with opening up as you are

[her]

Three words: Be his rock. It's hard- I, too, have trouble dealing with such things. But like others have said- maybe he just needs time to himself, maybe it's just who he is, etc. There could be a variety of reasons. But don't worry yourself too hard- sometimes it just isn't worth it. You might end up creating a problem that wasn't even there in the first place.

Just let him know that you're there for him- no matter what.

[Irina_Linn]

its ok not to discuss EVERYTHING while in LDR.some people need to have at least something to themselves plus maybe it is easier for your SO to solve problem without sharing.for example if i am deeply deeply upset,i prefer not to talk to anyone coz if i start talking,i just burst in tears or anger.so maybe thats the way to deal with stress for him

[.:*Shaunna*:.]

My bf tends to be like that when he's pissed off. He tends to just zone out and go and watch tv or do something else to relax/calm down. HE says it's not that he's shutting me out as such, he just prefers to calm down before talking about things. As others have said maybe he just needs some time?

[kelbug73029]

I actually have this problem. I had a really traumatic childhood, so I have issues expressing feelings. My SO understands and doesn't push me about it, which I personally think is the best thing that he could do. I know that he's there for me when I want to talk, but he doesn't push me to. I've opened up to him a lot since we started dating, so I would say that you just need to give your SO some time, and he will eventually open up.