4 month Long Distance Relationship; is it workable?

[kirby]

I'm attempting to make a 4 month long distance relationship work. She is in Europe and I'm in North America so there is a 6 hour time difference usually.

4 months seems so long sometimes, though I know it is relative.

We've been off and on for 2 1/2 years. She is finishing school in Europe and after these 4 months she'll be done for good. She left in late February and will be back in early July

When we first started dating a few years ago we tried doing a LDR when she had to back to school, after dating for just a month and a half. It was an intense 1 1/2 months but not enough for a foundation for a relationship. It didn't work out and ended badly.

But we have met back up when she comes home from school and have slowly built a relationship since the summer. I know we have a deeper connection now and things are going better but slower.

Do you think this 4 month long distance relationship do-able? I want to keep myself busy while she's gone this time because I think I was skyping her too much last time when school was on and it annoyed her and pushed her away.

I guess this time I'm trying to keep somewhat of a distance but talk to her when she is free with no pressure on her. As well as living my own life here while she is gone.

It seems to be working well so far. But it is still very early. We don't talk every day, but we skype a few times a week and send e-mails now and then. I'm just trying to be careful.

But I'm afraid of the past repeating.

4 months seems so long sometimes, though it is peanuts compared to what some of you have been through.

Do you think a 4 month LDR in these circumstances can work?

I'm just afraid of the past repeating.

I'm also thinking of maybe travelling to visit her. But it didn't work out well last time and she will be back in 4 months so I am not sure.

[redapple]

Well the obvious answer is yes! Look how many people there are on this forum

Basically when my boyfriend first left I basically came to the conclusion I had two choices. And I think these are the same two options that everyone has if they are going from close distance to long distance and don't have a choice in it.

1) break up.

This for me was an absolute no. Did I want to have a LDR? Oh god no! Like not at all. I'd pretty much have done anything for him not to leave but he had to so I that wasn't an option. So could I just break up with him because I didn't want to be long distance? Me personally no. I loved him too much togive up without at least trying. So that meant I had to choose option two.

2) stay together and see what happens.

So this is the other choice. It might not work out sure but if you don't want to do option one this is pretty much the only choice most of us face! Is it possible, yes of course it is. Especially for four months, seriously one month before you really miss her, Two months of waiting and one month of counting down to her being back. And hey presto she's back!

But it basically comes down to whether or not you chose option one or two and that really depends on individual couples. How happy you are together, how long you've been together, how stable you are, where you both are in life etc etc etc!

Hope that helps in some way!

[kittyo9]

Yes? Do you really have to ask with a forum full of people who have sometimes gone much (much) longer?

You need to come to terms with the fact that you'll be apart for that long... but remind yourself that it is only four months. From my perspective, that's a fantastic amount of time to be apart. Four months goes by in a flash. You both have your own priorities to take care of before you can be together, and that's okay. You're taking care of business, getting stuff done. The first few weeks are always the worst, but you will find your routine... and suddenly, the semester will be over and you'll be together.

[Black_Halloween]

Yes? Do you really have to ask with a forum full of people who have sometimes gone much (much) longer?

You need to come to terms with the fact that you'll be apart for that long... but remind yourself that it is only four months. From my perspective, that's a fantastic amount of time to be apart. Four months goes by in a flash. You both have your own priorities to take care of before you can be together, and that's okay. You're taking care of business, getting stuff done. The first few weeks are always the worst, but you will find your routine... and suddenly, the semester will be over and you'll be together.

This!!!!!

[butlerfly]

I completely agree with Redapple here.

4 months really isn't a long time and it will fly by keep yourself busy. Find something great to do with your time! learn a new skill.
I'm only new to LDR and it is really scary. He is gone for a little longer than 4 months and our communication will be limited I don't know if we will work. But I know I love him and I have to give it my all to ensure we make it.
If you really love them and they really love then it will work. Take the leap of fate and they will be there to catch you.

Well the obvious answer is yes! Look how many people there are on this forum

Basically when my boyfriend first left I basically came to the conclusion I had two choices. And I think these are the same two options that everyone has if they are going from close distance to long distance and don't have a choice in it.

1) break up.

This for me was an absolute no. Did I want to have a LDR? Oh god no! Like not at all. I'd pretty much have done anything for him not to leave but he had to so I that wasn't an option. So could I just break up with him because I didn't want to be long distance? Me personally no. I loved him too much togive up without at least trying. So that meant I had to choose option two.

2) stay together and see what happens.

So this is the other choice. It might not work out sure but if you don't want to do option one this is pretty much the only choice most of us face! Is it possible, yes of course it is. Especially for four months, seriously one month before you really miss her, Two months of waiting and one month of counting down to her being back. And hey presto she's back!

But it basically comes down to whether or not you chose option one or two and that really depends on individual couples. How happy you are together, how long you've been together, how stable you are, where you both are in life etc etc etc!

Hope that helps in some way!

[chizatlauren]

Well, everybody's agreeing dear! Go for it and see what happens, just like what redapple said. There's no harm in trying, but it's going to be a roller coaster ride of emotions and experiences. Love is always a gamble, whether it be an LD or a CD relationship.

Make sure to be in the same page as her though. Lay all your cards on the table.

[kirby]

Thanks for the positive reinforcement guys! 4 months isn't really long in the grand scheme of things. We are planning things to do this summer when she comes back already.

We aren't talking everyday, but when we do talk it is usually really great. I was just wondering if it is important to talk everyday in the long run. With the six hour time difference it can make it hard to connect everyday.

[redapple]

Do what works for the both of your schedules really. Me and the SO talk every other day and that works for us. Some people on here speak much less (only text/once a week Skype etc) or much more. There's no set rules so if its working then go with it!

[sewbama]

As for how much you communicate, whatever works for you is great. But it is really important for it to work for both of you. So communicate about how much you communicate. You say you think you smothered her last time. The best way to make sure you don't do that this time is to ask her and be open to what she says. Also, make sure you communicate enough for you to be comfortable. Ask her how much she wants to communicate (once you've both had time to adjust to your new schedule). You'll figure it out.

[MattDavies86]

If you truly love each other then there is no question, definitely!! my SO and I have been together just over 4 months now as it goes, it's been 3 months since I saw her last and there's still 1 month and 2 weeks until I see her, but I know it's worth the wait a lot of people here have had to wait longer than me so I'm grateful to be honest! sides, we will never be apart more than 3 months again

[Caity]

Of course it can work It's good to keep yourself busy, I find distracting myself really helps to keep my mind off missing him so much. As everyone else has said, 4 months will fly by. So don't fret

[Tanja]

4 months is a piece of cake! I've seen people here go without meeting for years! I know you just want to hear that it can work but I have to say that if it was impossible, this forum would not exist