Does age matter?

[leonloveschris]

I'm 13 and my partner is:16. People say I'm too young to be dating guys at all,

however:[LIST]

• I have known I've been gay for years.
• I'm mature.
• I've had over 5 boyfriends in 2 years, each relationship lasting ATLEAST a month.
• Because I'm young I shouldn't be happy?
• I'm a grade A student.
• I have my own website. (www.leonmcgann.info)
• I'm out of the closet.

People say I'm not mature enough for a relationship, but when I tell them this there opinion is 100% changed.

[Čternity]

That's a really good question. I believe everyone does deserve to be happy, no matter who they are. When you say 'People say I'm too young to be dating guys at all', may I ask who you mean? Is it someone whose opinion matters to you and you consider to have your best interests at heart?

[Butterfly-x]

Well, im going to be honest.. 13 is a quite young to be dating. A 13 yr old's view and understanding of the world/ people & emotions is quite different, sorry to say. When i was that age, i thought i was extremely mature and could take on anything, but growing up.. i've come to realise that some things are better dealt with at an older age. Personally, i'd never let a child of mine start dating until 16. With that said, your relationship is solely your business & I agree with Eternity in saying that everyone deserves to be happy Life is a learning process.
x

[Caitlin2009]

well....your not too young to be dating but and please dont hate me for this....i think your too young to know what the concept of true love is, your only 13 and alright you maybe mature for your age but what most kids your age experiance right now is puppy love its not the same thing as true love, now in my opinion age aint nothing but a number when it comes to true love, but your very young yet and you have the rest of your life to find that one guy meant to be with you.

[William]

Age matters, but I don't believe in numbers.
I'm 22 and my SO is 30; it has worked for over a year now. Age is determined by experience and maturity on a variety of levels. Not by counting days. You need to see if you're compatible with each other on those levels.

If you've already had 5 boyfriends in 2 years (which I think is a bit much), try and think what you learned from all those short unsuccessful relationships. Then judge if you're ready for this.

[NaNi]

13 really is quite young. I wouldn't feel comfortable with my kid dating around that age. But every person is different, so if you feel ready for it and mature enough...

[annamorgan]

Every person's maturity level is different. and LOVE matters, not age

[LadyMarchHare]

While 13 and up is usually the age people start discovering their sexualities and preferences because of puberty and the introduction into more adult things via popular media, peers, and their surroundings it is a young age to start 'serious' dating. You're going to get a lot more lip once your partner turns 18 and you're still under age regardless of whether or not you two are sexually involved, which I don't recommend until you are his current age or at least 17, depending on if you're still dating and where you are. If you're in the US some states consider 17 to be the legal age, very few 16.

If you can handle long distance maturely and still care about just that one person and not have your eyes wander due to wayward hormones then you'll be proving those who doubt you wrong. Any otherwise rebellion won't help your case, especially boasting 5 boyfriends in 2 years and the short time they've lasted whether in person or not. That's the atypical teen dating lifespan. That aside, these aren't the years to be looking for the forever person because you still have High School and, if you choose, College. There's dozens of people you've yet to meet and dozens more things you've yet to do on your own.

All in all only you can choose whether or not to date regardless of any opinion you get.

[Desya]

I don't think 13 is too young at all.
I think the fact that you know you are gay and have come to terms with that at this age are good indicators of your self-awareness. Many young gay teens don't have a clear picture of who they are at that age (most likely due to all of that discrimination we have lol) and some really struggle. So first of all, congrats on being who you are!

Maturity is not all that matters in a relationship, there's no rule that says you must be mature. Plenty of people having pretty immature relationships, but as long as they are happy who are we to say anything? This may mean that at this point in your life your relationships won't last long (young ones tend to be more about infatuation and not love) but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. So even if you're not mature (and are just good at fooling us ) it's fine.
These years are part of a learning process. There's nothing wrong with exploring your emotions and dating who ever you want (as long as you are safe of course!), all of that can help you in future relationships.

Like LadyMarch said, I'd be careful with the sexual aspect at this age. Not because I think you are not ready (I'm not the judge of that) but because outside people looking in are likely to go crazy. This is less true of gay teens than straight ones (so you may get less trouble), but it's still a possibility. If you are thinking about becoming active with this guy or any others that is older, watch who you and he tell. And of course, use protection (I'm I don't have to tell you that but it's ingrained in me lol)!

Good luck to you!

[MTK]

I would say that in my opinion age matters a lot, especially when we are talking about someone as young as you. I know that you say that you are mature but usually that is not the case, not to burst your bubble. Young adults will always think they are mature when the majority is not.
This is of course your business and if it makes you happy then kudos.

[archangel]

The way you titled this thread leaves it open to interpretation imo. Since Age could be referred to the age of difference of you and your SO OR age of someone starts dating (which a lot of others have said before).

I agree with the first case only - that age difference of you are your SO doesn't matter. The gap can be 2, 5, 10 years+ and all that matters is love.

As for the age when someone starts dating. That is different to everyone opinions and their cultural beliefs. Take my SO's culture for an example... her parents did not allow her to date anyone till she was 18. As for where I am had a bit more freedom in this case. I had my first 'crush' when I was 14 and well, at the end of the school year a was a nervous wreck. Luckily that same year I graded and switched to secondary school.

For me, this is my first relationship. Even thou I tried dating in high school, it didn't work. Also being 19 when it start gives you an idea how long it might take for you to realize who you are what you prefer.

About those 5 boyfriends over 2 years, each lasting a month....
think back and ask yourself...
why did it fall apart?
how could it have lasted longer?
try and learn from your past before stepping too far into your future.

AA

[folclor]

Okay, most kids in today's society are dating by 13. You seem like you ARE mature for your age, so that bodes well for you. HOWEVER, that being said, dating seems to be taken less and less seriously in today's society and I don't believe a 13 year old can grasp the level of intimacy and emotional complexity needed to have a very long term relationship. You say all your relationships have lasted at least one month. A month is great for 13 but you say it like a month is a long time. It really isn't.

I didn't date until I was 18, I also decided I wasn't going to date until I'd be ready to commit myself in a relationship completely (and I mean ready to stay with one person forever and not stray). I realize that you're a different person (it does disturb me a little that you've been dating since 11 as I didn't have a concept of sexuality until 15) and you may want to date. There's nothing stopping you from that, but I think you do need to realize that at this point...you likely don't understand intimacy as fully as you would if you waited a few years.

[garnet]

Hmm. I am 11 years older than my husband. So an age difference doesn't matter to me obviously. That being said, your boyfriend really needs to walk on eggshells, especially once he's 18.

I do believe that it's about the person, not the number. Long distance might be a good thing here though, since you are so young. Even though it's a long ways off, I would certainly encourage you not to meet him in person until you are of legal age. For both of your sakes.

You don't need our approval of course, and no one can decide what will work besides you and your partner... but my advice is just to take it slow.

[Zephii]

I have not read the rest of this thread, and this is going to be blunt... but I mean well, really I do.

I don't really think knowing what your sexuality is has that much of an impact on whether you are ready for a relationship or not. It's great that you're in touch with that, and that you can admit it and handle stupid people's prejudice about it, but knowing who you are doesn't mean you're ready to share your life with another person, imo. Still, being 13 and out is something I really respect.
Secondly, one month is a very very short period of time so saying each relationship lasted at least that long is kind of like saying "I hold down long term employment for at least a month at a time". See? Doesn't really sound good.
Really though, at the end of the day, if you act like an adult people will assume you're older and will treat you the way you deserve. You don't have to convince anyone Especially here. We have a lot of quite young members and I've never seen one treated poorly based on age. Generally, no one makes a big deal about age unless it's provoked.

No one can judge if you are ready except you... and hell, sometimes even you might be wrong!