I keep running back.

[Spastic Starfruit]

I'm 15, hes 20, before you judge us, we feel this strong bond that no can break. we know people think this is a bad idea, his parents are supportive of the relationship but mine aren't. i feel like he's the guy i want to grow old with, whenever i feel sad, he's the guy i go to to make me smile and laugh again, i know he'll always be online and will respond to my messages.

We've lasted 1 year and a bit more and i want to marry him but i just feel that the relationship is too hard, its hard on us seeing all the other couples everywhere and i feel like breaking down and crying when i hear our songs on the radio. i need to know what to do to help me get through this, i know he says he'll be coming here in September and i want to see him but the fact that when i see him it will eventually have to come to an end when he goes back to the US. i think i may just cry when i see him.

He's the biggest dork i know and he's not like anyone i know. hes the rare kind of human that has issues. he takes more care of his hair than i do, then again its it 2 times the length of mine. we've had our fights and i've left saying its too hard and tried dating people closer to me but something about him made him the one for me.Then i would come running back to him because i couldn't go a week without him. hes become such a big part of my life. we will stay up till we fall asleep talking to each other. tag each other in ridiculous photos, come up with stupid pet names. he's all i could ever want in a guy but the distance is what makes me think twice about the relationship, can i get some advice on this, maybe from people with an age gap.

[Dezface]

I have an age gap but I firmly believe an adult to adult age gap is a lot different than a child to adult age gap. Leaving the age gap out of it, an International relationship is tough. It takes a lot of patience, dedication, and hard work. And money. Throw your age into the mix, and it's made even more difficult. If your parents don't approve, where is he staying when he comes over? Is he staying in a hotel while you sneak out to meet him? Is he aware he could end up in a US prison for statutory rape?

What about plans to close the distance? You can't do anything until you're at least 18. You say the distance is hard now. It will be worse when you've been doing it for three years.

All in all this situation is a bad idea and I can't give you any advice on how to make it work because I don't believe you should.

[ThePiedPiper]

hes the rare kind of human that has issue

How is having issues rare...? All of us have our issues.

I agree with the above poster. I'm not sure what the laws are in Australia but here in the U.S., it's considered rape if he does anything with you before you're 18. He could very, very easily end up in big trouble, especially if there's any photo or text evidence, such as if you two have ever exchanged pictures, done things on webcam or had cyber sex, because that's considered child pornography.

All I can say is that I don't necessarily agree with this, primarily because it sounds like you're both incapable of having a relationship built around trust, honesty and commitment. While I understand that some people have hid their relationships and made it work, there's a lot more people who haven't, or who have tried and lost a hell of a lot more than their partner as a result of it. Sneaking around is likely going to lead to you getting caught, because an international, $2000 trip to Australia probably isn't going to be for a weekend where you could maybe make something up and say you're hanging out with Sue. Furthermore, if your parents don't know and they don't approve, it's possible that things could get even worse for you when they take away your computer, your phone and your privileges (not saying this would happen but I've seen it on these forums). :/ Emotionally I don't think this is a good idea because you both seem unable to do the distance and yet you want to meet and try and make it work. Do you know that the distance gets a hundred times harder after you've met and there's nothing you can do but wait? Because there's $2000 and work/school between you. And keeping it from your parents makes it even harder because then a $2000 trip turns into a $2500+ trip.

I'm not necessarily against you two meeting but I'm against a romantic and sexual relationship. I don't care for age gaps, especially not when it involves legal matters. But I also don't condone 15-year-olds who decide they want to get married because almost everyone feels a strong bond with someone at that age or with their first boyfriend. It's not all that uncommon and I know you won't believe me. You won't sit there and say "I'm like every other teenage girl who's ever felt this way" because we all want to believe that we're the exception. And sometimes we aren't. My opinion is if this relationship is meant to be then it will still be around when you aren't sneaking around behind your parent's backs, thinking about having a romantic/sexual relationship with someone older than you, therefore putting him at risk for committing statutory rape, and when you can both handle it without breaking down into tears because it's hard seeing couple's holding hands. Because this isn't even half of what a LDR can become. :/ It gets harder after you meet and even more stressful when closing the distance, when there are often time requirements between when you can and can't see each other. I just think that if relationships are meant to be, they will fall into place. They won't involve sneaking around and going through all this work to not only keep it hidden but to make it work in the first place. This isn't like Hollywood where overcoming some incredible long distance struggle means you're meant to be with each other. In the real world, relationships take trust, honesty, hard work, dedication and commitment and a lot of that you aren't able to have when you're doing so much sneaking around because what you're doing is illegal.

[Tooki]

I have an age gap but I firmly believe an adult to adult age gap is a lot different than a child to adult age gap. Leaving the age gap out of it, an International relationship is tough. It takes a lot of patience, dedication, and hard work. And money. Throw your age into the mix, and it's made even more difficult. If your parents don't approve, where is he staying when he comes over? Is he staying in a hotel while you sneak out to meet him? Is he aware he could end up in a US prison for statutory rape?

What about plans to close the distance? You can't do anything until you're at least 18. You say the distance is hard now. It will be worse when you've been doing it for three years.

All in all this situation is a bad idea and I can't give you any advice on how to make it work because I don't believe you should.

I agree with Dez. I have a 3.5 year age gap with my GF.

Just to add onto what she said, I changed a lot between the ages of 15 and 18. It's a big risk to invest yourself into an LDR at your age when you have no real capacity to visit him in the US and your parents aren't even on board with the relationship (giving you no real options to visit one another). My GF was 18 not too long ago and she changed a lot even in the time that I knew her (this was between 16-18). You may think that everything is fine and dandy and your love will overcome everything, but it won't.

I started dating my GF (and I met her) before she turned 18 but she was also 17 at the time. She is now 19 and believe me when I say that things are a lot easier when both parties are 18. What you need to really consider is that you aren't 18 for 3 years. 3 years is a VERY long time. Can you and your BF maintain an LDR with the obstacles that you have described?

You also really need to consider the legal boundaries. You are underage and your parents could very easily and rightfully get your boyfriend arrested for statutory rape (as Dez alluded to). Hotels aren't cheap in Australia either and it's going to be really expensive for him to stay here in secret. If he were to be arrested (and depending on the charges) he may never be allowed into Australia ever again.

[Sora1101]

I'd like to comment on what Dezface said about not believing you guys should work out but that would derail your thread and probably start something so I'm going to avoid that.

I started dating my SO when I was 15 and he was 20. So it can and does work but it's HARD. Meeting up is nearly to do because of money issues, personally my SO and I only meet once a year for a weekend or so because plane tickets and hotel rooms are just so expensive. You also need to be aware of the laws in state you meet in because statutory rape is an issue. Even if you say yes the state doesn't give you that right until you're a certain age, usually 17 but could be 18 or 16 it just depends. This means no anything, no kissing, no fondling, no oral, no ANYTHING unless you want him to end up in prison.

Of course you'll also have to deal with going through your high school years basically single, he won't be there to go to dances or school functions with, while all your friends are out double dating you'll be alone or on webcam with your SO which is a whole other challenge all by itself.

The only advice I can give you is if you're not 100% sure you want to be with him and want this to work you are probably not going to make it. Somewhere along the way you'll be swayed and things will end so you should figure that out now before you invest any more time and money into this relationship. But just know there are people like us out there that can and do defy things like this age gap and have never been happier.

ETA: Also, I'd like to express how once you two meet and go your separate ways again things will be 1000x harder than they were before you guys met. That and at your age your hormones are most likely raging out of control and keeping your hands to yourself is really really hard. Trust me I know. Your SO might also get frustrated as well, I mean what guy doesn't want to be with their girlfriend and he can't even have sexual pictures of you let alone actually have sex. Waiting 3 years was by far the hardest thing my SO and I have done, especially when you see it all around you everyday at school and in movies etc. And if you think you could get away sending explicit pictures or videos you can't. The police are able to find anything that was ever on your phone or computer, even if you deleted them.

[Squishy Orange]

All very good points, but I agree with Sora. It's worth it

[Spastic Starfruit]

we both understand its rape, we werent going to try anything because i cant imagine him in jail. id never do anything to get him into trouble. im not stupid, i know the laws. oh and my bad. im 16 not 15. yeah so now 4 years difference we arent going to do anything like that. i highly doubt he can get in trouble just for a hug or kiss. seriously? im going to let my parents know that he's coming so they would be aware of where i would be. they know abut him now and they have the same concerns.

im willing to wait for 2 more years for him. i'm too frigid to do anything now anyway. im probably going to freak out if he came, so now thats aside.

real point of my post fuckwits. is how do i deal with the fact that i love him and i want to be with him yet i push him away. THATS WHAT I WANTED HELP ON, not the whole "little girl, he can get in trouble" bullshit.

end.of.rant.

now help me.

[Squishy Orange]

I was hoping everyone who had replied to this thread could have guessed by our names, but seeing as not, I'll just come on out and say it. I'm the guy she's in love with, and I'm in love with her. I really just CAN'T imagine life without her. I mean, I can, but it's painful and I cry every single time I try.

[Moon]

Honey, I'm sorry, but the chances of this working out are slim to none. Even if you manage the slim part for a while, do you really want to wait three years to meet, and really, there are very, very few 18 and 23 year olds who can honestly afford the cost of US/Australia trips. Also, to try maintaining this kind of relationship at your age is pretty sad, you're going to miss out on a lot of things kids your age should be doing, and you never, ever get this time back. I promise you that neither you or he will be the same people in a few years, and yeah, sometimes it works out fine, other times its a disaster, is that risk worth wasting your teen age years?

You ask not to be judged, but come on, of course you'll be judged, that's just how life is Your relationship isn't any different, or more special than the other 15 year olds who post here with the same story. That's not being mean, it's just the truth, and these kind of relationships usually end up with a lot of heartbreak, and I'd hate for that to happen to you, too. For a 15 year old, LDR's with your distance are just too difficult to keep up, I mean it CAN be done, but it shouldn't, the price isn't worth the supposed reward in the end.

I promise, you'll find other guys you'll think you'll want to grow old with, and they'll be able to take you to a movie, go to school stuff with you, and even meet your family. You can experience life together, and that means a whole lot.

If I were your parent, I wouldn't approve either, I'd wonder what the hell that adult man wanted with my girl, and I would be so sad knowing my daughter wasn't fully living her life and doing the things she should be doing. You're too young to realize it, but they don't approve because they love you, and because they aren't assholes. They are truly looking out for your best interests, whether you agree or not.

You've seen how hard it is already, can you imagine doing this for AT LEAST three more years?


****Ahhh...just saw your last few responses. So, you don't want help, but are here to demand we solve your problems for you? Ain't gonna happen.

[Black_Halloween]

All very good points, but I agree with Sora. It's worth it

Of course you agree with Sora, they're the only person whose been positive on this thread. I have a feeling that the only reason you posted this was to hear praise instead of actual advice. Please listen and I mean -really- listen.

[Tooki]

we both understand its rape, we werent going to try anything because i cant imagine him in jail. id never do anything to get him into trouble. im not stupid, i know the laws. oh and my bad. im 16 not 15. yeah so now 4 years difference we arent going to do anything like that. i highly doubt he can get in trouble just for a hug or kiss. seriously? im going to let my parents know that he's coming so they would be aware of where i would be. they know abut him now and they have the same concerns.

im willing to wait for 2 more years for him. i'm too frigid to do anything now anyway. im probably going to freak out if he came, so now thats aside.

real point of my post fuckwits. is how do i deal with the fact that i love him and i want to be with him yet i push him away. THATS WHAT I WANTED HELP ON, not the whole "little girl, he can get in trouble" bullshit.

end.of.rant.

now help me.

I was just trying to open your mind up to things that everybody out of your relationship would be considering.

I am interested in how your parents respond to this. Given what you have said already, I would be surprised if they let you meet him on your own. For all you know they might not even let you see him at all, especially if you tell him that he has already booked his tickets. If you want a chance to get them on your side, you need to be open with them before plans are confirmed.

You say that you are willing to wait 2 years now, but everything changes once you have met your SO. Every emotion gets amplified because you know what it's like to miss a hug and a kiss. Can your SO afford to come to Australia every 6 months? Every 12 months? You say that you break down every time you see couples and hear your songs on the radio, wait until you have a real memory of you and your SO to cry over. What happens once your 18 anyway? Is their a support base to make a move possible?

Get over yourself and listen to the people who have been there before. The people who can keep you and your SO apart don't care about your relationship as much as you do.

[rubydissolution]

Um...no one is going to want to help you with that sort of attitude. The people who posted are simply concerned and your response is just rude. Even if you don't like what someone has to offer on here you never verbally attack them. And btw, language like that is a good way to get yourself banned. Maybe if you wanted advice with out the criticism you should have posted anonymously and left your ages out of the equation.

[Squishy Orange]

Not at all Halloween, we are actually seeking help...

[Tooki]

Not at all Halloween, we are actually seeking help...

I've got a question for you Squishy. How often can you visit your GF in Australia? Have you factored in the variable costs like accomodation and food if you did visit?

[Squishy Orange]

Yes I have. My mothers fiance lives over there and she over here, and we've thought of EVERYthing.