Take him back?

[karbauer]

My SO broke up with me about 3 months ago because he said he stopped loving me. He finally admitted that after making up a reason for leaving me, which was he cheated on me 3 times. For some reason he thought that would hurt me less than the real reason. We had been together for 1 year. We stayed friends afterwards. We talked about his girlfriend and my boyfriend. Everything seemed ok. Him and his girlfriend broke up and I comforted him like I would have any friend. He told me I was sweet and went to bed. Last night, we started talking again on facebook IM and all of a sudden he started comparing things from now, to how they were when we dated. Like I like ice cream now, but I didn't when we dated. I talk more often, when I was pretty quiet when we dated. Just little pointless stuff that people notice, but don't really talk about. After about an hour, he told me he still has feelings for me and those feelings will NEVER go away. I told him he still means everything to me too. He got mad at the fact that I have a boyfriend and signed off. I texted him and asked him to listen to me for once without it turning into a fight. Then I said
"When you left me, I knew I had to distract myself cuz I have that "depression" thing and I knew I would probably cap myself if I just sat around thinking about you. So I got a "boyfriend." I've always had feelings for you...I could never tell you cuz I didn't wanna come between you and that girl. I just wanted you to be happy even if it meant leaving you alone"
He asked me why I was so perfect and he said he misses me more than anything and he'd do anything for me. I told him I miss him too and I went to bed because it was getting too confusing and hurtful for me.
My question is should I take him back if he ever asks? I love him more than anything, but when he told me he just stopped loving me, it really hurt. It broke me for a few months. I'm still hurting about it. I would take him back in a heartbeat, but I don't want that to happen to me again. I wouldn't be able to handle it twice. Plus, I can't be completely sure he really feels the way he says he does. He could just be feeling down on himself because of what happened with his girlfriend, and I'm the first sweet girl to come along and comfort him. I don't want him to be my boyfriend if he's going to leave me as soon as his ex shows interest in him again...

[Caitlin2009]

dont do it, once a cheater always a cheater.....and im speaking out of experiance! My ex told me about this one time that he confessed to me about doing something with a girl, and i let it go figuring it would be the only time come to find out after we broke up he had done other things with numerous people while we were still dating! So i wouldnt take him back but ya know thats just me, you need trust in any relationship especially a LDR if you dont have that then your relationship wont last

[William]

I think you need to tell your current boyfriend, I feel most sorry for him at this moment.

[NaNi]

Cheating on somebody three times is quite something. One time is bad enough, but three times? I don't think I could forgive that.

[annamorgan]

you may love him, but ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER. that's all that needs to be said.

[Silviar]

Three times isn't an oops (if cheating could even be called that, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt), but three times is a pattern. The fact he's broken up with someone and immediately coming to you is another warning flag. For that matter, are you really sure they broke up? I mean, how much can you really trust him?

My suggestion is to move on and don't waste your time with this guy, because it sounds like he won't waste any with you the moment he gets what he wants from you.

[Angelieke~]

Agreeing with all the post before, I'd like to add this: Why would he ever do such things, if he loved you? I've been thinking about that question because my previous boyfriend said he didn't feel for me anymore, though I'm sure it's a lie. But I figured, even though I guess I'd fall for him again. He's not right for you if he ever said that. I mean, it's like lieing. And pretty serious. So I think, adding that to the cheating thing. You're probably better of without him.. Even though it's hard.

You'll get over it, I believe =] *hug*

[paulawriteslove]

I don't think that you should take him back, yet. Since he broke up with you in the first place I think that you should make him feel a bit jealous and make him fight for you! Don't just give into him. Be strong!

[misskatiemarie]

Don't take him back. I leaned the hard way with cheaters. I fell in love with a guy, got pregnant, he left me- for another girl and I dealt with having a miscarriage on my own. Stupidly I took him back, an he cheated again- more than once. I know you will make your own decisions, but just take it from somebody who knows. It might be hard but you have to remember that He made a conscious CHOICE to do something with another girl- whether it would hurt you or not- he did it. Find a guy who would never even think of doing anything to ever hurt you and spend your time with him. not with a guy who wouldn't think twice about it.

[LadyMarchHare]

I have to agree with Angelieke. When you love someone, or at least respect them enough, you don't go behind their backs and cheat. Three times is pretty much him spitting in your face and while I understand you're a bit hung up on this guy, you have someone else and you need to focus on them. If you can't then you may need to leave them out of sheer respect that you can't be a good girlfriend to him while you're still playing your heartstrings over a liar. As suggested I think you need to tell your boyfriend and then block your ex from Facebook for a while, or wherever you guys contact each other most. Relationships, ESPECIALLY LDRs, are built on trust and that guy couldn't afford your trust again even if he was Bill Gates.

[Darth_Taco]

He's just going to leave you again once he feels better about himself. You'd be nothing more than a rebound to him. Hell, you are right now. He's using you to feel better. I'm sorry, but he doesn't seem like a real friend to you considering how he's leading you on. If you haven't realized it, you're doing the same thing to your current boyfriend. He's nothing more than a rebound to you. He deserves better too. What I think you really need is to cut off contact with your ex, break up with your boyfriend, and take some time for yourself. Jumping from relationship to relationship isn't good for anyone. It's just making you dependent on other people. No human should be so dependent on other people. We need to have independence to function too.

[LadyMarchHare]

He's just going to leave you again once he feels better about himself. You'd be nothing more than a rebound to him. Hell, you are right now. He's using you to feel better. I'm sorry, but he doesn't seem like a real friend to you considering how he's leading you on. If you haven't realized it, you're doing the same thing to your current boyfriend. He's nothing more than a rebound to you. He deserves better too. What I think you really need is to cut off contact with your ex, break up with your boyfriend, and take some time for yourself. Jumping from relationship to relationship isn't good for anyone. It's just making you dependent on other people. No human should be so dependent on other people. We need to have independence to function too.

Blunt version of what I said, haha.

karbauer, if you don't mind my asking, exactly why did you get together with this new fellow? Had you known him before or was it rather spur of the moment? I know some people, mainly women, tend to define themselves by whether or not they have a boyfriend/husband. (my cousin does this as does my best friend) It's obvious the feelings aren't strong enough to have you resolute in staying with him instead of even considering returning to a bed-hopping ex and it makes me wonder if this guy's basically there to keep you feeling valuable as a person and not because you genuinely don't want to be with him.