You should just cheat on them, they'll never know

[Dutchie]

Lol, Catface! That is something I would never say to a superior, although I'd definitely want to
Like I said, I'm probably tóó nice.. But it has taken me too long to build some semblance of self-esteem and dignity to just let someone trample all over it like it's completely worthless. That's a personal thing I suppose, it just pisses me off that some people seem to think it justified to place themselves above others for stupid reasons. As if there's an excuse to treat anyone like anything other than a fellow human being.

Anyway, to stay on topic, the things people assume, even if it's from life experience, it's from their life experience. It says absolutely nothing about you, and everything about them. It just sucks if people keep trying to put you in a position where you feel like you have to justify your decisions, or that they keep trying to undermine your confidence in something just because they can't accept that, when the same thing went wrong with them, it wasn't because those things inevitably go wrong, but that maybe, just maybe, they were the ones messing up a good thing.

That's why it makes me mad I guess.. Unwavering faith in anything is hard to come by, no matter how much you trust someone, and what may seem like an off-hand comment could well plant a seed of doubt that will eventually grow to ruin something that shouldn't have been ruined.

[Moon]

THIS.


Why is it that everyone here says they just have to put up with all the crappy things superiors say to them? Just because they had one promotion more than you doesn't give them the right to be a bully, seriously. I don't care how many jobs it would cost me, if my boss or manager would say something deliberately hurtful or insulting to me, I'd put them in their proper place. And if they did it out of ignorance I would still "educate" them on proper social etiquette, though I'd be nicer about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a sass-mouth at all. I'm normally a very timid person and I've had a LOT of trouble with letting people walk al over me, even when I do speak up, other people always come up to me afterwards to tell me that I was wáy too kind. Yet here I am telling you all that it's not normal to just take abuse from someone just because they have a higher function than you. If you do, it's YOU giving them more power than they deserve, you all need to stop doing that, really.

Yeah, well, good luck with that, Dutchie. In the US we can be fired for anything, there are very few laws to protect employees, and I'd rather keep my mouth shut, since I hardly think someone questioning an LDR is "bullying", and keep my job. I'm glad you don't need to worry about job security, but I do.

[JoeyBug]

I have had this conversation with people...some were friends with whom I used to be close, but am no longer because they had no respect for my relationship with Scott. I'd get comments like "he must be cheating" or "why do you bother waiting for him to come over, just sleep with someone, he'd never know" and I usually reply, that yeah, I could do that, and he probably wouldn't know, but I'd know, and then I'd probably tell him because of feeling guilty. Plus, I'm committed to him, despite the distance. As someone else pointed out, cheating happens both LD and CD, it's not something that only happens when you're long distance! I trust him enough to know that he trusts me and respects me enough to not cheat and vice versa.

Usually with my mum (who's pretty much the only one in my life who makes these comments and I can't cut out of my life) I just roll my eyes and ignore her. She's cynical about these things and even if I was in a "conventional" relationship, she'd probably say something similar to me anyway.

As for a come back, I can't think of one, I'm never good at those. But, as others have said about superiors at work, it's best to keep on their good sides (unless they're being downright abusive, in which case, report them)

[Catface]

Why is it that everyone here says they just have to put up with all the crappy things superiors say to them? Just because they had one promotion more than you doesn't give them the right to be a bully, seriously.

I'm very lucky in that I will be leaving my crappy crappy minimum wage work place when I leave for Europe. I'm not extremely worried about what I say to the ignorant supervisors right now as long as I can hang on to the job for one more month lol. I usually tell them exactly what they're doing wrong while they're mistreating their staff, such as when they tell me I can't do things because I'm a girl. I would love to walk up to her and say "It's INSPIRING how much you love your fiance, that you would tell him you wouldn't wait for him. You're such an amazing role model!" But that might be pushing it :P

You need to be wise about how you approach it though dutchie, especially in this economic climate. If you want to find yourself out of a job, with bridges burnt and a difficult task of getting a similar job with another company, then enjoy the ride.

Life is shit and life isn't fair.

[Zephii]

Why is it that everyone here says they just have to put up with all the crappy things superiors say to them? Just because they had one promotion more than you doesn't give them the right to be a bully, seriously.

It doesn't give them a right, no. But we want to keep putting food on the table for our families, and to do that generally you need to not piss of the people who could get you sacked

[Dutchie]

The discussion today went on for a bit and they talked about how if their SO's went away for a couple months, they'd break up with them, go find someone else and tell their SO to call them when they got back. To me that sounds an awful lot like having no clue what love really is. In the long run each time the comment is made I end up feeling sorry for the person making it. It makes me sad that they've might never believed in something as much as I believe in this. It makes me feel lucky to have what I have.

THIS.

Why the hell would you be together with someone in the first place if you're going to dump them (or worse, cheat on them) as soon as they're out of sight?
The only reason I can think of is that they just didn't feel like being alone and their SO was just "conveniently" at the right place at the right time. If you're with someone solely for that reason it's easy to replace them, if you really love someone you that just isn't an option.

Slightly off-topic:
Why is it that everyone here says they just have to put up with all the crappy things superiors say to them? Just because they had one promotion more than you doesn't give them the right to be a bully, seriously. I don't care how many jobs it would cost me, if my boss or manager would say something deliberately hurtful or insulting to me, I'd put them in their proper place. And if they did it out of ignorance I would still "educate" them on proper social etiquette, though I'd be nicer about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a sass-mouth at all. I'm normally a very timid person and I've had a LOT of trouble with letting people walk al over me, even when I do speak up, other people always come up to me afterwards to tell me that I was wáy too kind. Yet here I am telling you all that it's not normal to just take abuse from someone just because they have a higher function than you. If you do, it's YOU giving them more power than they deserve, you all need to stop doing that, really.

[Malaga]

I really don't know how to answer such question, honestly. I could say "I know he isn't cheating on me" but I'm aware that I probably sound delusional and naïve to people with a certain frame of mind. How can you explain trust to someone like that?

I just shrug and forget about it.

Yeah I'm the same. I 100% know he isn't cheating on me. My brother once implied something like that, and he used to fool around with other girls while in a relationship. I told him, "just because you're like that, doesn't mean everyone is. What makes you qualified to speak on every guy's behalf?" He mumbled something snarky but that was the last I heard of it.

When I planned a surprise visit to my SO last year, about half of the people I shared it with were concerned about me. "What if you discover something that hurts you?" This way of thinking is wrong on so many levels I couldn't even begin to point them out.

I've had this conversation.
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Yes"
"Where is he?"
"Australia"
"...do you cheat?"

I think the look of shame he had after he asked that reflected exactly how disgusted I looked. No, sir, I do not cheat.

[ChibiFelicia]

If its a superior at work i just smile and ignore it. But where i work now so many of us are in long distance relationships but they seem to handle it much better than i! One co worker has been been LD for 10 years! and only see each other once a year. Im like, how do you do it? She said she doesn't miss him all that much.

When my friends said it to me I just say i trust him.

[Irina_Linn]

when my friend tries to bring it up,i end up saying "its an incredibly valuable piece of advice from a person,who was not able to stay in a relationship for more than a month due to the personality issues".cant help it,she loves teaching people =/

[TwoThree]

I really don't know how to answer such question, honestly. I could say "I know he isn't cheating on me" but I'm aware that I probably sound delusional and naïve to people with a certain frame of mind. How can you explain trust to someone like that?

I just shrug and forget about it.

[Catface]

It's hard to explain that this bothers me but it doesn't. I'd rather not hear it, but it's not like it shakes my faith in what I've decided to do. The place I live is a small town with very little in the way of intelligent life, and I'm stating a fact, not just saying it to be mean.

I have dated some of the men around my province and I had a lot of trouble trying to find someone worth spending a life with. Some boyfriends had trouble giving me the time of day. My SO spent a ton of money, put off his schooling for a year, flew to Canada to live for 2.5 months and proves that he cares about me every single day. Why would I settle for anything less than that ever again?

The discussion today went on for a bit and they talked about how if their SO's went away for a couple months, they'd break up with them, go find someone else and tell their SO to call them when they got back. To me that sounds an awful lot like having no clue what love really is. In the long run each time the comment is made I end up feeling sorry for the person making it. It makes me sad that they've might never believed in something as much as I believe in this. It makes me feel lucky to have what I have. When I told my SO what was said he just simply said "I would never cheat on you, you don't deserve that." And I believe him.

[arrah5]

I have a co-worker that is interested in a relationship with me. But he didn't bring it up until I was no longer available. (I'm not interested in him anyways) We have been close friends for over 4 years now. When I got into this relationship, he told me it would never last, but if I needed a little "pick me up" in between visits with my new guy, that he was available to help.
I just tell him that won't be necessary cause we have everything under control.

[Moon]

If it's a superior at work, as frustrating as it is, you just have to keep your mouth shut. It's not worth it. For anyone else, I couldn't recommend Zephii's answer more

That said, with us living in a world that grows more connected every minute, these kind of comments should wane in time. The few times people have said I could cheat and he'd never know, I answer with "well yeah, but I'D know."