You should just cheat on them, they'll never know

[arrah5]

Slightly on the topic, I came across a magazine article on the internet giving advice on LDR's. And one bit of advice was to make the relationship polygamous for that time you have to stay apart.
Where is this world going to???

Oh HELL NO! I spent too many years forced into swinging to keep my ex husband happy to go back to a lifestyle like that. I will take phone sex and skype dates over sharing any day!

Who, in their right mind would think that something like that is ok?

[Ahava]

https://uk.askmen.com/dating/dating_...ting_tips.html

"I truly believe that when you and your partner have to spend long periods apart, turning a monogamous relationship into a “monogamish” relationship might be a step in the right direction."

Read more: https://uk.askmen.com/dating/dating_...#ixzz2QdcQX1kO

[ThePiedPiper]

https://uk.askmen.com/dating/dating_...ting_tips.html

"I truly believe that when you and your partner have to spend long periods apart, turning a monogamous relationship into a “monogamish” relationship might be a step in the right direction."

Read more: https://uk.askmen.com/dating/dating_...#ixzz2QdcQX1kO

For some people, this really works. For others, it never would. I worked for one of my relationships but not for the second and I wouldn't have wanted to do this with the second either (and neither would he). But then, these types of articles are always absolutely ridiculous. "What turns him on?" "Want to give her multiple orgasms?" "101 Best Sex Tips". A lot of the time, they end up completely unhelpful and, like with anything, are specific to only some groups of people. I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with the article, just that it needs to be careful not to include everyone in a sweeping generalization of "being monogamish can make your relationship stronger when you're apart."

[Catface]

https://uk.askmen.com/dating/dating_...ting_tips.html

"I truly believe that when you and your partner have to spend long periods apart, turning a monogamous relationship into a “monogamish” relationship might be a step in the right direction."

Read more: https://uk.askmen.com/dating/dating_...#ixzz2QdcQX1kO

I found this article while I was trying to find ways to help my SO understand what a LDR needs to survive. I quoted this to him and told him to never even think that it was an option.

I agree with PiedPiper in the sense that for some people this is fine. For those open minded enough to enjoy other people and have a healthy relationship, that's great. For me, I had the same WTF reaction. I believe strongly that I deserve to be with one person who will love me and only be with me for the time that we're together. May be for a million years or a only a few, but for me, being monogamous is important. I understand that it's a close minded and unrealistic few because scientifically we're not necessarily a monogamous species. I commit to being with only my SO and I expect the same from them.

It seems interesting to me that the only place in my research that I found the monogamish argument was in a male targeted website article. I can't decide if it's a genuine male thought process or if it's just trying to say what they think men want to hear.

Also, for anyone interested, there's a really interesting book on cheating and how it's viewed around the world. I read it and it was really thought provoking. Lust in Translation by Pamela Druckerman. Written by a woman, she travels around the world and looks at different customs about being in relationships. Highly recommend this to the curious.

[squeeker]

Thankfully I haven't had to deal with too many negative things said about my relationship. I think it's because I'm naturally quiet and don't speak much on my relationship and everyone I do talk to is nice about it. I don't know what they think behind my back or talk to other people about. People generally are just either amazed at how long we have been together despite the distance and also remark about how cute it is, when I tell them how we met (online) and how I visit him and things. I think people are also generally surprised I have a boyfriend and even more surprised that he lives in the UK.

I really don't like that kind of comment though and agree with all your comments and really loving them. I don't get how people think that just because your partner is away you are going to be tempted to cheat! That's crazy in my opinion because relationships are more than just the physical and the physical is there to enhance the emotional and spiritual connection. I think dumping someone or cheating on them just because of the distance is just showing that you were never really committed to the original person in the first place and you shouldn't be in a relationship with them because they obviously aren't the one for you.

[Zephii]

Slightly on the topic, I came across a magazine article on the internet giving advice on LDR's. And one bit of advice was to make the relationship polygamous for that time you have to stay apart.
Where is this world going to???

There's a big difference between polygamy and being monogamish. Polygamous people are in loving committed exclusive relationships like most of us here, just their 'couple' is larger Monogamish people are two people in a relationship who have various degrees of sexual relations either together or separately with people outside the relationship, generally with different rules than those found within an open relationship.

For some people, opening the doors to the relationship is the only way they survive being LD, for other couples they can't survive opening up the doors to the relationship.

This world isn't going anywhere. There's nothing wrong with this approach at all and who are we to judge others for loving how they will? (And no, I'm not and never have been in an open, monogamish or poly relationship.)

Fun random fact of the day: Swans are renowned for "mating for life", yet DNA testing proves that whilst they return to the same nest every night, they are still humping every other fine feathered arse in the neighborhood.

[lucybelle]

Oh HELL NO! I spent too many years forced into swinging to keep my ex husband happy to go back to a lifestyle like that. I will take phone sex and skype dates over sharing any day!

Who, in their right mind would think that something like that is ok?

Slightly on the topic, I came across a magazine article on the internet giving advice on LDR's. And one bit of advice was to make the relationship polygamous for that time you have to stay apart.
Where is this world going to???

My SO and I were in a monogamish relationship while LD. I guess we're the evil creeps of the world. Even though now we're monogamous with each other and married.

Fun random fact of the day: Swans are renowned for "mating for life", yet DNA testing proves that whilst they return to the same nest every night, they are still humping every other fine feathered arse in the neighborhood.

More fun facts:

Most bird species are monogamous, around 90%. But very few are sexually loyal. Social monogamy does not necessarily equal sexual fidelity.

[Catface]

I don't think it makes anyone evil and I certainly don't want anyone to walk away from this thread thinking that. I do think it requires two people that understand each other very well, are very patient and have no jealousy issues between them. As I said above, we're not known as a species that is monogamous, and I've read plenty of details stating the benefits of being in an open or open-ish relationship, so I see what people can get from it.

Personally, that's something I wouldn't be able to do, but it doesn't make anyone here evil for not seeing things the same way. I need a certain level of emotional connection to someone to have sex with them, and for me, sex is not something I need enough to go find just for the sake of sex. Heck, I wasn't looking for sex when I was single for more than a year. Pretty sure that makes ME the weird one! :P

[arrah5]

My SO and I were in a monogamish relationship while LD. I guess we're the evil creeps of the world. Even though now we're monogamous with each other and married.



More fun facts:

Most bird species are monogamous, around 90%. But very few are sexually loyal. Social monogamy does not necessarily equal sexual fidelity.

Ok, you are right and I apologize. If it works for you then I am glad it worked out. I have seen many relationships where being open has been a boost, back in my swinging days.

Its not the life for me, and it is hard for me to grasp a concept where it would be ok while dating. I know though that I am very lucky in the respect that my LDR is fairly close, seeing as how I can make it a day trip to go spend time with him and still be home for supper. If I ever get to the point that I need to have relations and would consider being with someone else, I can literally take an afternoon to make a booty call, mind you an expensive booty call, but it's possible. But to each their own, whatever works for each couple I guess. Again, I apologize and didn't mean to offend anyone.

[chizatlauren]

I don't actually PREFER it for two people in an LDR to be polygamous, monogamish, or whatever word there is available for sex with other people when your SO is away.

But hey, I'm not a saint, and I'm not a judge, so why will I judge others who are doing it. In my mind, I'm thinking "What has this planet turned into with all these relationship setups? A relationship is only made for two people!". But even if I think that way, if being polygamous works for two people, fine. That's their life. But if I have a friend who'll ask me if it's okay for me, I'll say no, it's not.

It's different though if my SO admits to me that he had sex with another girl while we were LDR, but it was just a one night stand. I might be able to forgive him for that. But don't quote me and tell my SO hehehehe.

[Ahava]

I think I am on the same line with Chizatlauren here. I hope no one was offended as that was not my intention.

[Dutchie]

I agree that, if both are fine with it, there shouldn't be a problem (It wouldn't be for me to judge anyway). But when I read "cheating" on someone, for me it means that it happens without their consent or knowledge.

Personally, I would be deeply hurt if my SO had sex with someone else while we're in a relationship. Because it's not ok for me. I wouldn't do that to him either. First of all because I really don't want anyone other than him, but even if I did, I couldn't because there is NO way I'd want to cause that much pain to someone.
I don't think I'd be able to live with myself, and I certainly wouldn't be able to keep it a secret. I know that may seem exaggerated for a lot of people but that's how I feel about it.

So I'd say that if you're going to be monogamish, make absolutely sure both people are on the same page. Otherwise it's going to be a bad situation for everyone.