i'll do anything for love- but i won't do that

[Dezface]

Sounds like the ending of this relationship is best for both parties. Good luck to you in the future.

[nomnom_elf]

@kayla; this IS the first time he's acted this way. I'll admit here that under any other circumstance the idea of hitting on a girl for some sort of 3some would be fun (me and the BF are a bit fun in the bedroom dept). but of my OWN FREE WILL. not like this. i told him no, but his alternative is still degrading me- tarting me up in a slutty dress and parading me around on a dinner out- its like a dog marking his terroitory! this isn't the lover i want to be associated with anymore, because i know full well it won't end there.

thank you to everyone who has commented, i respect those that see me for who i am as well. goodbye.

[Tooki]

Breaking up is the best thing for both parties. I don't see your BF getting over this.

[TwoThree]

i told him no, but his alternative is still degrading me- tarting me up in a slutty dress and parading me around on a dinner out- its like a dog marking his terroitory! this isn't the lover i want to be associated with anymore, because i know full well it won't end there.

That is sick. As Rugger said, when you are cheated on in a relationship (or feel like you're cheated on) you break up, or you forgive and move on. None of that "punishing" bullshit. Just reading your posts make my skin crawl.

[JoeyBug]

I'm so sorry for the break up, but I am just stunned by his reaction...I don't think I have the words...I think you did the right thing breaking up with him, as Meatloaf said and you quoted there are just some things you *can't* do for love. I wish you the best of luck!

[mllebamako]

That is sick. As Rugger said, when you are cheated on in a relationship (or feel like you're cheated on) you break up, or you forgive and move on. None of that "punishing" bullshit. Just reading your posts make my skin crawl.

I agree 100%.
I'm so sorry that things turned out like this for you but it sounds like breaking up and going your separate ways is the healthiest thing. Best of luck.

[Malaga]

She made it seem like he said that out of anger. Everyone says things they don't mean when angry. She also made it seem that this is the first time he's ever acted in that way before. 3 years in a relationship and he acts like that once...I'm simply saying that he could have been so upset and angry over what happened that he said something he didn't mean and just said that in the heat of the moment. I just think that they should both take some time for themselves and think about everything and talk to each other when both of their emotions have settled down a bit.

There's anger, and there's hatred and humiliation. He wants to humiliate her which is about the lowest point you can sink to in a relationship. Even if he gives up on his idea, how can you continue having a normal relationship with someone who once tried to push you into that? What she did was definitely wrong and maybe unforgivable, but by wanting to 'get even' (and especially in such a cruel and distorted way) he's most of all letting himself down. Some words cannot be forgotten.

[ThePiedPiper]

@kayla; this IS the first time he's acted this way. I'll admit here that under any other circumstance the idea of hitting on a girl for some sort of 3some would be fun (me and the BF are a bit fun in the bedroom dept). but of my OWN FREE WILL. not like this. i told him no, but his alternative is still degrading me- tarting me up in a slutty dress and parading me around on a dinner out- its like a dog marking his terroitory! this isn't the lover i want to be associated with anymore, because i know full well it won't end there.

thank you to everyone who has commented, i respect those that see me for who i am as well. goodbye.

This is absolutely horrible. I'm so sorry you're going through this but I think you made the right decision.

[barret95]

Leave him before he controls you more. he'll eventually become a monster from your worse nightmare. ( my girlfriend's ex became a monster and used full contact to control her)

LIke everyone else, I agree with them.

it's unfortunate that it is turning out like this, but it'll get worse if you stayed with him.

[libelle]

I don't agree with the other posters. I think you look at the situation too much only from your point of view and not from his.

Yes, what he did/suggested to do was of course not good, but you are judging him and expecting him to react like any normal person who has been betrayed for the first time would. And this is not his first time. You should understand that a cheat (in any form), if the other person cares, will ruin not only the relationship but the person himself. Being cheated on multiple times, I am sure he is far more damaged than you think he is. And having such a thing gone in the family as well, I don't know what you expect from him. Wounds like that are wounds of the heart and soul, they change people irreversibly and yes, it is not your fault that he has turned like that, but I don't think you can judge him either. I think on the inside he had lost faith in women even before he met you. People like that need someone who will unconditionally be faithful and who will fight to gain their trust. If you strayed then it is your problem, you just joined the bunch called "like all the others". In his eyes you are like everyone else and since you don't realise what you have done (cheating, if it is in form of attraction for someone else, kissing or more, is still a betrayal however you look at it), he feels the need to degrade you and make you feel as bad as he feels. That's all.

I think, instead of going on the forum and starting to judge him, you should think about what you did and how you would have felt if you were in his place, cheated on and betrayed once more. And you should really recognise that such actions stay there. They aren't only for this relationship, only for this person. Experiences link in a person's mind and create patterns of actions. What he did is not a result of only your actions but of all the previos one's too. But it does not justify you, because you could have been the "different one". Obviously this relationship has no big future, for the good of both of you. Try to think about your actions more next time and don't only look at yourself. Because what you do affects other people for life.

[Jarner]

I think you need to get out of the relationsship too. Not because you deserve someone better, but because he does. Cheating on a person with a past like his (Even if it was only a kiss), is obviously going to affect him differently than it would have another person. He needed a person he could trust, not another person that would stab him in back. And when you push the blame away from yourself, and it even seems like you do your best to rub all the cheating ex-girlfriends in his face, you reach a whole new level of being pathetic.

It's funny you go here with this post to find support, but it's even more funny that you actually get it.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I think you need to get out of the relationsship too. Not because you deserve someone better, but because he does. Cheating on a person with a past like his (Even if it was only a kiss), is obviously going to affect him differently than it would have another person. He needed a person he could trust, not another person that would stab him in back. And when you push the blame away from yourself, and it even seems like you do your best to rub all the cheating ex-girlfriends in his face, you reach a whole new level of being pathetic.

It's funny you go here with this post to find support, but it's even more funny that you actually get it.

I don't condone cheating, but I think asking your girlfriend to seduce another woman and take pictures of it, to "balance the sexual power" is not a reasonable request to solve the issue of kissing another man. The OP is not getting support for cheating, but support for ending the relationship. It's a pretty abusive request - forcing her to do something sexual that she's not comfortable with in order to continue the relationship. Clearly, his past with cheating has damaged him, to the point that he's making damaging requests to make him feel more in control. Her breaking up with him gives him a chance to heal and find someone better for himself, but also prevents them from entering an abusive cycle within their relationship, which would be unhealthy for BOTH parties.

[Tooki]

I don't condone cheating, but I think asking your girlfriend to seduce another woman and take pictures of it, to "balance the sexual power" is not a reasonable request to solve the issue of kissing another man. The OP is not getting support for cheating, but support for ending the relationship. It's a pretty abusive request - forcing her to do something sexual that she's not comfortable with in order to continue the relationship. Clearly, his past with cheating has damaged him, to the point that he's making damaging requests to make him feel more in control. Her breaking up with him gives him a chance to heal and find someone better for himself, but also prevents them from entering an abusive cycle within their relationship, which would be unhealthy for BOTH parties.

I agree.

I think that what is being ignored here is that the OP knew that her (now) ex carried a lot of baggage that came from cheating. Yes her ex was a tool in requesting what she did but she needs to be reminded that she cheated on him, knowing how much it would affect him. Sufficient blame is definitely not being applied to her. She does need to be accountable for her contribution. From some of the responses in here, it seems like she is being let off because her ex reacted in the way that he did.

[Jarner]

I agree.

I think that what is being ignored here is that the OP knew that her (now) ex carried a lot of baggage that came from cheating. Yes her ex was a tool in requesting what she did but she needs to be reminded that she cheated on him, knowing how much it would affect him. Sufficient blame is definitely not being applied to her. She does need to be accountable for her contribution. From some of the responses in here, it seems like she is being let off because her ex reacted in the way that he did.

Exactly. His request was obviously not right, but she does need to take responsibility for her own part in it. They're obviously better off not being together. Hopefully she will mature, so the same thing doesn't happen in her next relationship, and hopefully he will find a woman that will be faithful to him.