Not missing him as much as I should

[vansaddict00]

I agree with Kristin, I know that for me, I am usually the one that initiates conversation either through text or email, but he's usually the one to phone me and I still smile when I realise it's him and get butterflies in my stomach. I still feel connected to him even though we're a long way from each other.

Could it be that you're just feeling low due to the distance? Maybe try talking about different subjects, such as your thoughts on things that you know would appeal to him to spark up the conversation. Other than that I don 't really know what to suggest...but wanted to give you a

Everyone has been providing excellent advice! I think that since I don't have much to do during the week and in transition to look for other jobs, I have more time to think and overthink. I'm relying on my family to fill the void of loneliness. They're much more engaging which is something I feel that is lacking from my current relationship. I will definitely try to get him to talk more but I think that I have too high expectations. Am prepared to take on the challenge. Thanks for your insight )

[CTgirl727]

First of all, I can relate to you 100%. Currently, I am on month 2 of being in a LDR. I feel like I am missing a connection with my boyfriend and it kills me to know that I used to be so in love. I think the most important thing is to try to visit him soon, or for you to visit him. Im hoping that when i visit my boyfriend in 3 weeks, I will be able to bring some feelings back that I have been so empty about. I know everyone says that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but its hard esp when there isnt enough time to talk in the day. Sometimes they are busy and you're free and it SUCKS. Im trying to look at it as another step in my relationship.

[CTgirl727]

Also, I want to add that boyfriend is SOOOO busy too. he works long hours and his job is so stressful, leaving us no time to talk. when we skype on the weekdays, he is so tired and i just get so mad bc i can tell he wants to sleep. Its hard, but looking forward to your 3 month visit should be fun! i also know how you feel about him coming to visit for such a long time- im often worried that when i visit my BF in 3 weeks, i wont like him as much. But, only time will tell

[vansaddict00]

Also, I want to add that boyfriend is SOOOO busy too. he works long hours and his job is so stressful, leaving us no time to talk. when we skype on the weekdays, he is so tired and i just get so mad bc i can tell he wants to sleep. Its hard, but looking forward to your 3 month visit should be fun! i also know how you feel about him coming to visit for such a long time- im often worried that when i visit my BF in 3 weeks, i wont like him as much. But, only time will tell

Its nice to know that we are both not alone I agree that this kind of relationship is very hard. My boyfriend won't call me when he's not busy, which I don't really know when that is, but I'm usually the one calling him. I feel the same way talking to him. The scenario is relatable to yours, where it seems kind of forced at times, where they don't exactly want to talk to you and have other things on their mind. I can feel a sort of pressure sometimes to not talk to him for that long, even though it feels like I just got on the phone with him. A lot of times he's the one that says he has to start his homework so I just let him end the conversation. His obligation is school and your bf's obligation is work, so I know its hard for them to make us a priority, especially given the context where they don't see us on a day to day basis and have started their new lifestyle routine. Do you remember the reasons why you liked him to begin with and what kind of things have faded? Were you guys both good communicators to begin with? Lastly, what kinds of things are you doing to occupy your time with? I hope you also have a great time with your boyfriend! Its hard to rekindle the flame so let's hope that our times spent with our SO reignite the fire

[chizatlauren]

Not everyday is a bed of roses for any relationship. 'Losing interest' is not the same as falling out of love. If you are not really connecting with your SO right now because of your differing interests, try looking for something that you both like, such as playing an online game or an app together, or watching movies together while talking on Skype. If you really want to make your relationship work, then you have to work for it.

Love is not a feeling. Love is a commitment.

[vansaddict00]

Not everyday is a bed of roses for any relationship. 'Losing interest' is not the same as falling out of love. If you are not really connecting with your SO right now because of your differing interests, try looking for something that you both like, such as playing an online game or an app together, or watching movies together while talking on Skype. If you really want to make your relationship work, then you have to work for it.

Love is not a feeling. Love is a commitment.

I appreciate your outlook I really never looked at it that way. That losing interest is not the same as falling out of love. I always looked at them being synonymous. Your statement is making everything feel more hopeful! I agree that it is definitely a commitment since your putting in the effort to do anything possible to not lose interest. I like your suggestions and will definitely have to try to engage him in those ways. I guess looking at it from a long-term perspective the thought of someday closing the distance seems like a rewarding feature, but from a short-term perspective I guess the loneliness is definitely a hard battle to combat.

[angelamontijo]

Before my SO left, there were times when I worried that our relationship wouldn't work because of the lack of commonalities. Sometimes we ran out of things to say, and much like you I would think about past relationships and how much better life could be without him. But our relationship didn't get any better until I told him straight up how I felt about us not having stuff in common. So we closed the bridge by trying new things and making the attempt to enjoy each other's interests. For example, my SO loves classical music, as a cellist, he wanted to pursue a higher education in musicology. And I was like, that's so bogus. But then I gave classical music a chance and found that it was actually very beautiful; I even learned to analyze it.

Now that my SO is gone, and we have so much time apart, it's been hard to communicate. It only been a month and I've already wanted to end it cause the distance is so hard to deal with. But then we talked about the hardships of a LDR and we're starting to understand each other on a deeper level. The point I am trying to make here is that communication is KEY. As overdone as that may be, it is the truth. Your relationship will either work out or not, but you won't find out until you've talked to your SO, laid it all out on the table, and come to a conclusion.

Best of luck to you. Make the decision that you make you happy.

[Kitty Boo]

First of all lack of interesting conversations does not automatically equal a lack of love! My S.O is quite introverted. He wants to talk, but he feels like he has nothing to talk about. It's often me that initiates conversation, but when I do? We can talk for hours. Maybe you just need to find something interesting or different to talk about. Suggest trying some of the games on this site. Or why not try the "100 questions to know your partner" kind of things? They'll give you new things to talk about and you'll learn a lot about each other.

I would also suggest that you try to talk to each other a whole lot more. If you're only communicating once a month on Skype, and only sending the occasional messages, no wonder it's boring! Try to set a time for conversation, at least a couple of times a week if possible. Communication is so so important in a relationship, especially an LDR, because that's all you have to rely on! Without that, you might as well be strangers!

If you try all this, and find at the end of the day that nothing helps, and your interest does not return, then you might want to have another look at your relationship. Things we let go of aren't that easy to get back, so think carefully before you do anything drastic. Try as hard as you can to save this, before you decide that it's not for you... At least then you can rest assured at the end of the day that you made the right decision and you tried everything you could. Good luck!

[Ejoriah]

Just wanted to point out this thread dates from April.