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Not good enough for Mom?

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    Not good enough for Mom?

    So my Mom really does like my boyfriend. She thinks as a person, he is absolutely wonderful. She has a great relationship with him and they really get along great, and I love seeing them get along so well.

    The issue is though...I'm in college and he's not and my Mom really wishes that he was. Schooling is a BIG thing to my Mom, and even though she really likes my boyfriend and gets along with him, she really wants him to go back to school and get his degree. He is not against the idea whatsoever, it's just not where he wants to be at this exact point in his life, he wants to become the highest ranking captain he can, which does require schooling and experience but the kind she is looking for. And when I tell her that he is going to school (for captains courses and licenses/endorsements) she says: "that's good and I like his goals but he really should go back to school"--or something along those lines. I know she means well with it but sometimes I just don't know what to say and at times I get really irritated with her when she says stuff like that.

    He and I have already had the college talk, for the most part... We had an argument early in our relationship because he called himself "stupid" because he wasn't going to college like me. I got really mad at him because I do not think he is stupid at all, and it's not like he's not going places in life, he has goals and he has the means and credentials he needs to meet them so I don't think he should be called stupid by him or anyone else because he does have a goal, and maybe one day he'll decide to go back to school. But my Mom thinks that it should be right at this very moment. She doesn't think what he's doing now will make him much money (even though it will).

    I don't know how to get my Mom to accept my boyfriends goals and I don't know how to share this with my boyfriend without him feeling like he isn't good enough for me.

    Help?

    #2
    You know, he might not ever be able to please your mom fully and that's okay. Your relationship is between you and him, and although I KNOW that parents approval is awesome, it sounds like she already likes him anyways. We can't always force people to do things and he will or will not go back to school if that's his choice. Your mom has to learn to accept things, even if she is looking for the best for you.
    "I love the stars and the moon because I know that I'm always sitting under the exact same ones as you"

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      #3
      i had same experience with my ex.what i said was, "i am not rushing to marry him straightaway and i wanna enjoy youth and see how it will go".obviously your mom is worried so just tell her you are not planning on having 5 babies right now

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        #4
        Originally posted by rawrimolivia View Post
        You know, he might not ever be able to please your mom fully and that's okay. Your relationship is between you and him, and although I KNOW that parents approval is awesome, it sounds like she already likes him anyways. We can't always force people to do things and he will or will not go back to school if that's his choice. Your mom has to learn to accept things, even if she is looking for the best for you.
        Completely agree.

        And to be honest, it's not really YOUR mums place to decide what your SO should be doing with his life, I'd be quite honest with her if it was me and my mum was being so disrespectful. These are his decisions to make, she needs to step back.. and if you're over 18 she really has no final say in your decisions either.. it'll be a hard lesson, but your mum might need to learn it.
        Met Online: February 2009
        Feelings grew: January 2011
        First met in person: 4 April - 16 April 2011
        Officially together since: 4th of April 2011
        Second visit: 29 June - 1 August 2011
        Third visit: 28 September - 15 October 2011
        Fourth visit: 19 January - 25 February 2012
        Fifth visit: 24 March - 12 April 2012
        Sixth visit: 2 June - 7 July 2012
        Engaged: 1st of July 2012
        Seventh visit: 27 August - 23 September
        Visa lodged: 5th of November 2012
        Eighth visit: 8 December 2012 - 12 January 2013
        Visa granted: 8th of May 2013
        Hawaii: 19 May - 2 June 2013
        Closed the distance: 16th of July 2013

        Married my Englishman on the 4th of October 2013

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          #5
          I don't think your mom can really do anything about it... If you keep on bringing this up to your SO, chances are he'll think that you and your mom are being too controlling. Let him run his own life, I think the Captain thing that he's doing right now is not that bad. Just support him in what he's doing and let your mom say anything she wants... I'm pretty sure she'll get tired of it someday. What's important is that your SO is fine man and he loves you.

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            #6
            Bottom line:

            As long as he's good enough for you, then who cares if he measures up to anyone else' standards.

            'nuff said

            "Buddha made you for me" - My SO



            1st Met/Visit: Nov 2012 - Thailand
            2nd Visit: May 2013 - Thailand
            3rd Visit: Jun 2013 - Thailand
            4th Visit: Sep 2013 - Thailand
            5th Visit: Sep 2013 - Jan 2014 - UK
            6th Visit: Apr 2014 - Thailand - Marry
            7th Visit: Sept 14th 2014 - Thailand - Wedding Ceremony / Party
            Close the distance - Sept 21st 2014 - UK
            UK Wedding Party: November 8th 2014

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