I'm so angry right now- exagerating?

[Kiyama]

i think i can relate to your SO.when my boyfriend insists on talking and chatting and i am not in the mood,i just disappear.it seems annoying for me,to receive 10000 messages saying where are you etc.no offense here,i am just giving my perspective but probably your SO can feel kinda same thing.it doesnt mean he feels different towards you,he just wants some space for a little bit of time.
well that was my opinion so it doesnt have to be the right one

I understand and respect that he wants his space sometimes. But you know if you have a scheduled date and I specifically make time for him and he doesn't show, wouldn't you at least send your SO a text? He basically stood me up and that's not ok.

So, can you live with this? if not.. it's time to reassess now.

I don't know. He has many good sides and it doesn't happen every week but we've had awful times he almost disappears because he's so busy and communication is a reoccurring problem. But a again, in so many ways he's a lovely person and I love him deeply and sometimes I'm scared my expectations are too high and that there will always be things in a relationship you will have to live with, even if you don't like them. But I don't know if I can live with this and you're right, even cd he could find a way to do that

[Irina_Linn]

I understand and respect that he wants his space sometimes. But you know if you have a scheduled date and I specifically make time for him and he doesn't show, wouldn't you at least send your SO a text? He basically stood me up and that's not ok.

it will sound horrible and some people would eat me alive here for what i gonna say,but...it happens,so? well thats the excuse i usually give.i mean yeah,it feels bad the scheduled date didnt happen.but people tend to forget
however,if it happens way too often,then its the problem to start considering.did you communicate after that?

[Tooki]

it will sound horrible and some people would eat me alive here for what i gonna say,but...it happens,so? well thats the excuse i usually give.i mean yeah,it feels bad the scheduled date didnt happen.but people tend to forget
however,if it happens way too often,then its the problem to start considering.did you communicate after that?

The thing is that her SO has a long history of doing this. It is past the point where he can be given the benefit of the doubt.

I recommend that you add up the pro's and con's kiyama. Is this negative a detriment to your end of the relationship?

[Irina_Linn]

The thing is that her SO has a long history of doing this. It is past the point where he can be given the benefit of the doubt.

I recommend that you add up the pro's and con's kiyama. Is this negative a detriment to your end of the relationship?

ah then it makes things clear,my bad.i didnt know your story.then i pretty much agree to what other members told you

[ThePiedPiper]

The thing is that her SO has a long history of doing this. It is past the point where he can be given the benefit of the doubt.

I recommend that you add up the pro's and con's kiyama. Is this negative a detriment to your end of the relationship?

I agree with this.

For me, this level of behaviour is, in my opinion, childish and it's not something I could live with. My ex would do similarly, I told him it was a dealbreaker, and though he started using "I don't want to talk to you" rather vindictively, it was still better than simply going offline and refusing to answer any of my phone calls. I can't explain why it's a trigger for me, but for someone to not show up or to simply disappear and refuse to give me any word for what's going on... Exceptions are given but rarely. I just can't do it and I shouldn't have to. He can find someone else who disappears on him or who doesn't care if he does it to her. You need to decide if it's a dealbreaker for you, too, because to have this much of a hard time with reoccurring issues, then it's possible it won't matter how many pros there are. Eventually one repeating issue that the other person is not willing to change becomes the downfall of the relationship, because especially with something like communication, it's not isolated to that one incident. :/ And while I know you think showing up if you were CD would be the answer to his silent treatment, as someone who had a SO who pulled silent treatments as punishment, trust me, it won't be. They distance themselves no matter how close in proximity you are and sometimes getting them to talk to you about it is a whole other argument. I think you need to decide if this is/would be a communication issue you can live with for the rest of your life and go from there, because ideally one would hope for change, but hoping things will changed, especially based on circumstance, will only cause you disappointment.

[Kiyama]

Funny enough he now called me and we had a fruitless argument. He said he didn't respond anymore because I sent these accusing texts. I apologized for that but all he had to say that even if he had cancelled the date, we still would have the same discussion because I would have been mad anyway, which is so not true but he was set in his opinion and now _he_ needs space to think about his feelings and us.
I can't believe that.
I am torn between taking the blame on me for sending the emotional texts or standing my ground that his behaviour wasn't ok in the first place. Well maybe now he will end it. He said he would call me on Wednesday.
I'm hurting because I freaking love him and I despise myself for being so weak

[LadyDaemon]

Funny enough he now called me and we had a fruitless argument. He said he didn't respond anymore because I sent these accusing texts. I apologized for that but all he had to say that even if he had cancelled the date, we still would have the same discussion because I would have been mad anyway, which is so not true but he was set in his opinion and now _he_ needs space to think about his feelings and us.
I can't believe that.
I am torn between taking the blame on me for sending the emotional texts or standing my ground that his behaviour wasn't ok in the first place. Well maybe now he will end it. He said he would call me on Wednesday.
I'm hurting because I freaking love him and I despise myself for being so weak

Chick,you're not weak and this is not your fault. There's no need for you to take blame for something you're not at fault for. He has done this before and now he's done it again. He owed you enough respect to tell you that he was cancelling regardless. HE needs to apologize and cease the sporadic lack of contact. If my SO had done me that way I would've sent him some upset texts too. Communication is the biggest part of a relationship,we all know that without it the relationship will suffer. As much as I hate to say it,it sounds like he's looking for an out. He's being very childish. You need to stand your ground. I think now is the time to really think about whether or not this is something you want to deal with long term or if you want to move on.

[Hollandia]

Does he apologize for blowing you off? Does he admit he is not respecting the value of your fee time as well as his own? I would seriously consider not answering when he calls and let him do some soul searching.

[ThePiedPiper]

Funny enough he now called me and we had a fruitless argument. He said he didn't respond anymore because I sent these accusing texts. I apologized for that but all he had to say that even if he had cancelled the date, we still would have the same discussion because I would have been mad anyway, which is so not true but he was set in his opinion and now _he_ needs space to think about his feelings and us.
I can't believe that.
I am torn between taking the blame on me for sending the emotional texts or standing my ground that his behaviour wasn't ok in the first place. Well maybe now he will end it. He said he would call me on Wednesday.
I'm hurting because I freaking love him and I despise myself for being so weak

You're not weak. Having weak moments does not make someone weak, and it's natural to want to try and make something work with someone you love. I think you need to find a compromise though. Okay, sure, maybe you shouldn't have bombarded him with emotional texts, but his behaviour was not okay in the first place, not for you or your relationship. *shrug* I don't think any one person has to bite the bullet and take the blame here. There are places where you can both improve and while I do think refraining from emotional texts is a good idea, he also essentially stood you up, and the fact that this has happened so many times... it needs to be addressed. :/

[marbear31]

I'm so sorry this is happening yet again. I've followed all your posts, and, I normally don't suggest this, but I think this is a time where you give him a taste of his own medicine--not vindictively, but enough where you're putting yourself first like he is, and until he himself realizes what he's doing. It has to come from him, you know?

I think what you should do is give yourself a time limit when he doesn't respond or doesn't show up for a date. Say you have a phone date. You wait ten, fifteen, thirty minutes to show up, whatever you feel you can stand without inconveniencing yourself. I KNOW this will be hard, but, for your own sanity, don't send him any messages, zip, nada. When he (eventually) comes back--because he will, if he cares--and asks why you didn't call or text, you say you assumed he was busy with work, and that you were busy with things as well. If he gets angry and says you're nagging him, say you're simply assuming what he tells you every time is true, and that you're not giving him any trouble at all. Simply shoot the breeze with him, as if you're talking about the weather.

For someone to truly value you, you have to make them realize your value. You've tried direct communication, call schedules, everything short of couples' counseling. It's NOT okay how he's acting, and I'd be pissed off just as much as you are if my SO did that to me. I think the time has come where you need to start making good on your individuality, without giving in to him. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh at all, but I really want to see this fixed as much as you do, and I don't see anything getting better until it comes from him.

I hope everything works out. No matter what, you're going to be okay.

[LadyDaemon]

I'm so sorry this is happening yet again. I've followed all your posts, and, I normally don't suggest this, but I think this is a time where you give him a taste of his own medicine--not vindictively, but enough where you're putting yourself first like he is, and until he himself realizes what he's doing. It has to come from him, you know?

I think what you should do is give yourself a time limit when he doesn't respond or doesn't show up for a date. Say you have a phone date. You wait ten, fifteen, thirty minutes to show up, whatever you feel you can stand without inconveniencing yourself. I KNOW this will be hard, but, for your own sanity, don't send him any messages, zip, nada. When he (eventually) comes back--because he will, if he cares--and asks why you didn't call or text, you say you assumed he was busy with work, and that you were busy with things as well. If he gets angry and says you're nagging him, say you're simply assuming what he tells you every time is true, and that you're not giving him any trouble at all. Simply shoot the breeze with him, as if you're talking about the weather.

For someone to truly value you, you have to make them realize your value. You've tried direct communication, call schedules, everything short of couples' counseling. It's NOT okay how he's acting, and I'd be pissed off just as much as you are if my SO did that to me. I think the time has come where you need to start making good on your individuality, without giving in to him. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh at all, but I really want to see this fixed as much as you do, and I don't see anything getting better until it comes from him.

I hope everything works out. No matter what, you're going to be okay.

All of this.

[hrp2007]

I agree with the previous posters, regardless of what happens, you will be ok.

[JoeyBug]

I agree with everyone saying you're not weak. You are not weak for sending texts wondering where he was. YOU ARE HUMAN! If he wants to blame you that strikes me as a red flag and very vindictive. Do not allow him to upset you more than you are already for something that is NOT your fault. You were there, he wasn't. You communicated, he didn't. See the pattern here? You did everything you needed to do and he has not held up his side of the relationship. That is nothing to do with you, that is HIM.

Big Massive :HUG: and if you ever need to talk, PM me, I'll listen and try to help!

[dragonlady]

i agree he is not nice for you when you cant show up you let your so know!
big hug hope that everything will be oke!

[Kiyama]

Thqnkyou everybody. I will try and take it all into consideration.
One of my texts was definitely not Ok but it was in the heat of the moment and I apologized for it. So I see that I'm not the only one to blame and what he did was not ok. I'm worried about his "needing space and figuring out his feelings" thing. I'm scared he uses this as a threat and he'll pull that more often whenever something doesn't go his way.

Marbear is right unfortunately. I have tried every possible way to communicate the communication issues so my last resort now will be indeed to make myself scarce and look out for myself. There is so much power in his hands, deciding when we talk and what stunts he can pull and when to play the silent treatment card, it isn't healthy. I wish I wouldn't have to use this method, which is so completely not my nature but apparently there is no other way. I'll let you know how it goes.

Thank you so much, all of you for your support, wouldn't know what to do without you <3