Dreams

[oxytocinbite]

I have always had sexual dreams about men and women but I never really have any about my boyfriend. It never really bothered me, I just think hey its just a dream. I would obviously rather have my boyfriend be the one there but I can't control it.

I am very open with my bf and I tell him all my dreams. I told him I had sex with Toby Hemingway the actor and now he is really upset.

He says he always dreams about me and if he had sex with a girl in his dream he would be upset...the thing is I don't mind that I have sex with different people in my dream.

I just know its just a dream and I should enjoy it. When I wake up I know I love my boyfriend to death. I would never cheat.

He is making me feel bad, he is acting upset and saying that maybe I don't think he is the one for me.

I don't know how to make him understand! He is getting advice from his friends and I am kind of angry. I guess I just feel like he is over reacting...but I never thought anything was wrong with dreams about different men. Its just a dream...right?

[Verojoon]

I have very rarely had sexual dreams about my SO. I don't think it means anything... I mean the other ones I have are very random... usually faceless people... sometimes women... So what should I take from that? That I only like anonymous sex or sex with other women?

In a way, yes, he is over-reacting... but it can be a little upsetting for him to hear I'm sure... With my SO and I we've discussed it once. He mentioned sexual dreams about me, asked me if I dream of him, I admitted my sexual dreams were weird and random... Now I only tell him when it's about him... Why throw in his face something that can hurt him (even if he would know he is being silly to be hurt by it, doesn't mean he won't feel it) and I have no control over?

[LadyDaemon]

While I think it's ok not to have sexual dreams that are always about your SO. I don't think it's always ok to tell your SO about it. I think this is one of those "Don't ask,don't tell" situations. Depending on the person,some people tend to take that type of stuff more seriously then how you mean it. To them in their minds it's as if you're cryptically telling them that you wish you were with someone else. Which isn't the case most times,but some people are just a tad more sensitive that way.

However,I don't think that he should take it like you're trying to say he's not the one for you. I think he needs to look at it as a harmless dream that in a practical world would never happen. Dreams are just that,dreams. It's not like you're going to dream it and then suddenly it's going to pop into real life and happen. Best thing to do right now is to just let him calm down and then talk to him. Explain to him that it was just a dream and that it would never happen in real life with that actor or anyone for that matter and see how he reacts.

[Tooki]

I wouldn't necessarily say that it's a 'Don't ask, don't tell' situation. It really depends upon the nature of your relationship.

oxy, your SO has shown that he doesn't like to hear about those dreams so I do think that it's best to not tell him about it. I don't recommend trying to force him to understand that it doesn't mean anything to you because it will only hurt him more.

Have you tried explaining it to him differently? Instead of emphasising that you are dreaming about other people in sexual situations, focus upon the fact that you wake up every morning loving him more than ever.

Good luck!

[arrah5]

Depending on who the person is, I may or may not get upset if my SO told me about a sex dream where I wasn't involved. I mean if its a celebrity someone that he finds attractive I wouldn't get my panties n a bunch cause come on... like hes really going to get the opportunity to have sex with Jessica Simpson or Carrie Underwood. But if he were to tell me that he had a sex dream and it involved a friend or colleague, then I would probably get upset about it. That's the kind of stuff you keep to yourself. I can tease him about dreaming of a celebrity, but if he's dreaming of an ex gf or a close female friend, I wouldn't be able to handle him being around that person. I realize you have no control over your subconscious and it will make up your dreams for you, but you can choose how much you share with me about it.

[oxytocinbite]

Thanks everyone, luckily I never dream of people I know really. I tell him because we are really close and I like being honest. He feels better now, he had a bad relationship in the past so he can over react at times. We are downloading Being human season 3. So we are all good

[aniay]

For me dreams are very important, I, myself was bit distraught when for the first time I dreamt sexually about other guy, but in the end what was the most important I was so very happy when I woke up, because in RL I had my SO and he was so much better than the dream.

Unless I have a Lucid dream I can't control what I dream about but I learned to read my emotions inside that dream or after I wake up, It says way more about the dream itself.

Somtimes, dreams doesn't make me feel anything, they are just figments and fragments of completely unrelated things, even if they make sense in dreams.

My SO doesn't dream/desn't remember dreams, at all, so I had to explain, maybe you should tell your SO what your dreams feel like, Maybe it will be easier to understand for him.

Also... In my previous relationship, most of the time when other guys showed up and invited me to sex in one way or other, I always said I can't I'm married. Regreted it every time I woke up.

[dragonlady]

hihi i was so ashemed when i had kinda a wierd dream muself to!
i dreamt that i had a threesome with my BF and antonio banderas!! in real life i would never do anything like that my BF laugh his ass of when i told him.
it's only a dream so why freak over it you dont have controlle over them so he can't blame you for that.

[Jazi]

well I can understand why he would be upset - I would be too, it's an irrational thing to be upset like that over things we (or the person dreaming it) can't control.. but you can't help how you feel sometimes! My SO told me that he had a dream once where he was dating another girl.. and then he realised half way through the date that it was wrong and started saying that he can't and he is with Jazi.. and then he started looking for me. Even though He walked out on the girl and 'remembered' me in the dream I was kind of still like "YOUR DREAM SELF TRIED TO SET YOU UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE!" I was kind of joking.. But I do think that your dreams are a sign of your sub-conscious. I'm pretty sure my SO knows not to tell me about random girl sexual dreams though.. I don't even want to think about the fact that he probably has them...

I know when I have bad dreams they feel SO REAL... many times I've cried after a really bad dream. Sex dreams can feel so real too that sometimes it's hard to separate that it isn't real - it's sometimes hard NOT to be offended if your SO just got hot and heavy with Ryan Gosling (dreaming) and remembers every detail.. and even has the bodily reactions after waking that you would have from doing that IRL. Cut the boy some slack