LDRs and...ambition?

[ST25]

One of the biggest reasons me and my SO clicked was because we're both REALLY ambitious people. To the point where we actually have a plan on what we want to do in our lives in terms on careers, money, living in general. I support him in every step of the way in his dreams and he supports me a lot in my dreams of becoming a writer.

The thing I'm concerned about is that I finally have a first draft written (after a lot of procrastination) and I'm going to really put it to the grind in making this book happen. SO supports me and is actually very happy about me doing what I dreamed of doing. I'm only worried that I'm going to get SO invested into making this book right that I'm not going to have a lot of time with my SO in terms of computer and such. I don't want to make it seem like I'm replacing him with working on my novel. I don't want to turn into the workaholic girlfriend/wife! D: It's not just about the novel either. I have plans on putting a lot of things into motion so that I could guarantee what will (hopefully) be a better future for us. And don't get me started on college...

So, for any ambitious members on here: advice?

[Black_Halloween]

Perhaps have a set time every day that you're going to sit down by yourself and write. Like "Okay from now on im going to spend 1pm-5pm writing". Also, keep at it! Your SO wants the best for you.

[Ejoriah]

My only advice is to let your SO know what you'll be focusing on and scheduling time to talk so that he doesn't feel left out of your life. Something along the lines of "I'll be doing x for y amount of time, and we could talk when I'm done with that." Depending, of course, on your SO's schedule as well.

[Heavenly_Love12]

ME! I'm totally ambitious! First, congrats on the draft! I want to write a teen romance novel myself one day In my case, I'm not as busy as I will be in the next few months. I'm in the military and will be pursuing a Master's degree beginning in the fall. I'm in a few organizations, try to volunteer a few hours a month, and am a big workout fan (right now my goal is running 15 miles a week which is usually done in 4 days and one day is a strength day but I want to up that to 20 miles now that it's nice outside). My SO stays pretty busy with working full time, spending time with his family, working out, and he's looking into going back to school as well.

My advice is to pursue what you love and involve your SO too! You will have time to talk to him and work on your novel, you may just have to schedule it or work around it. My SO and I schedule when we will be able to have decent to long convos because of our conflicting schedules. Sometimes, I have to get up early to talk to him or he has to stay up a little late. We try to make good use of days off and if we have mutual day off, it's like Christmas! Bettering yourself and doing what you love is always good and anything for a better future is great! I'm sure once you get in the swing of things, you'll see that it's totally possible.

[digitalfever]

I think that's great. You just need to realise that all your time doesn't need to be spent on your book. I you should treat your book like a job and schedule it into time slots and tell your SO.

[lademoiselle]

I can relate, my SO and I are quite like that as well. From time to time, one (or both) of us will be pretty much unavailable for days - checking in, and nothing more - while we're busy working on something. What we do then is make sure to let the other know that we're more preoccupied than usual, and set aside an hour or so for uninterrupted time together on one particular day of the week. During that hour we don't talk about our work, either I think it's brilliant that you and your SO are supportive of each other's goals and ambitions! Good luck with your book, too

[ST25]

Thank you for the replies! In terms of scheduling, there is the case that he goes to work during the time that I'm either asleep or when I'm just waking up. This is where he starts to sleep a bit earlier than he's used to because he gets up so early. As my day starts, his day turns into afternoon and night. It can get tricky especially since we're only a six hours difference.

[ThePiedPiper]

Follow your ambitions and schedule your SO around it. That's what I did and would do in the future, but I have never prioritized relationships above my personal goals, primarily because I'm only in my early 20s. However, my ex found ways of working around what I wanted, and needed, to do with my time. It was an adjustment, but we made it work because I didn't allow for any other option.

[TooFarAway]

Ugh I worry about the same thing as you. I'm going to be attending university soon and with that workload...boy, I'm going to busy as heck.
But, my boyfriend supports me...so I try to work hard, because I feel as though I'm studying hard for him (>_<). It's painful though because sometimes I feel as though he would walk away. It's like in those movies or T.V shows, where you hear people break up all the time because one is too busy with work. But, I wonder...shouldn't your SO be able to understand why you work so much? If you really love someone, does it really fade away that much if they're too busy to talk to you?

[ThePiedPiper]

But, I wonder...shouldn't your SO be able to understand why you work so much? If you really love someone, does it really fade away that much if they're too busy to talk to you?

I think the answer to that really depends on a lot of factors, one of which being whether or not the partner is willing to sacrifice the chunk of their time that their partner's commitment requires of them. Some are, yes, but some aren't, and I wouldn't say that it comes down to love more than it comes down to what someone needs from a relationship. Someone who prioritizes relationships and family, for example, might actually have a huge issue being in a relationship with me, where I prioritize my schooling and professional goals. My ex and I both loved each other very much, but the fact that I changed so much and he didn't at all deemed us incompatible. Love did not matter at that point. With that said, you also have to make sure your relationship is a priority. No, you don't have to prioritize it over some of the more immediate needs and concerns in your life (work, school, etc.) but you have to make sure you're making time for your SO. Talking to your SO once a week and saying they should be able to understand why can be a bit dismissive, for example, depending on the circumstances. You have to find a way to balance your time with your SO in such a way that you're both getting your needs met but that you're also staying on top of what needs to be done, such as homework or studying for finals.

As far as love fading when you stop having time for someone, I think both yes and no to that question. I think that love can fade if two people begin to grow apart, and sometimes that becomes more clear when two people stop having the time to talk to one another. I ended a friendship with someone I loved and cared about a while ago (we have since reconnected) because we didn't have the time to maintain our friendship and I at least was hurting for it in the end. At that point, we were at two different places in our lives. Now, however, I would argue that we're both in different places than we were 3 years ago and so it's entirely plausible for us to continue maintaining our friendship, even if it won't be what it was several years ago. I think the big issue is that a lot of the time, what happens in relationships really does not come down to love. In the same way love is not the only thing that will make a LDR work, love is also not often at the root of problems, and problems do not often involve love in the context Hollywood likes to put them in.

[TooFarAway]

I think the answer to that really depends on a lot of factors, one of which being whether or not the partner is willing to sacrifice the chunk of their time that their partner's commitment requires of them. Some are, yes, but some aren't, and I wouldn't say that it comes down to love more than it comes down to what someone needs from a relationship. Someone who prioritizes relationships and family, for example, might actually have a huge issue being in a relationship with me, where I prioritize my schooling and professional goals. My ex and I both loved each other very much, but the fact that I changed so much and he didn't at all deemed us incompatible. Love did not matter at that point. With that said, you also have to make sure your relationship is a priority. No, you don't have to prioritize it over some of the more immediate needs and concerns in your life (work, school, etc.) but you have to make sure you're making time for your SO. Talking to your SO once a week and saying they should be able to understand why can be a bit dismissive, for example, depending on the circumstances. You have to find a way to balance your time with your SO in such a way that you're both getting your needs met but that you're also staying on top of what needs to be done, such as homework or studying for finals.

As far as love fading when you stop having time for someone, I think both yes and no to that question. I think that love can fade if two people begin to grow apart, and sometimes that becomes more clear when two people stop having the time to talk to one another. I ended a friendship with someone I loved and cared about a while ago (we have since reconnected) because we didn't have the time to maintain our friendship and I at least was hurting for it in the end. At that point, we were at two different places in our lives. Now, however, I would argue that we're both in different places than we were 3 years ago and so it's entirely plausible for us to continue maintaining our friendship, even if it won't be what it was several years ago. I think the big issue is that a lot of the time, what happens in relationships really does not come down to love. In the same way love is not the only thing that will make a LDR work, love is also not often at the root of problems, and problems do not often involve love in the context Hollywood likes to put them in.

So...I guess love doesn't conquer all then...

[ThePiedPiper]

So...I guess love doesn't conquer all then...

Unfortunately, no. Love can certainly be the fuel behind the things that do (commitment, compatibility, both willing to make sacrifices and compromises, etc.) but love itself does not conquer all, especially if one or both partners are unwilling to change. I wish it did, and I'm sure my life would be a lot easier if it did (), but it doesn't.