New here and could use a little advice ?

[howspookyofme]

Back story: we were good friends back in Middle school and then we graduated and lost contact until about a year ago. He added me on facebook and we started talking and catching up. Talked on the phone a lot, skyped a lot, etc., we were getting really close. He then told me he liked me and asked if he could take me on a proper date when he got home. (he was living on the east coast due to school troubles) I agreed. Fast forward a few months, lots of talking and flirting later, he came home.

I've tried on numerous occasions to plan a meet up but our schedules never seem to sync up. I work three jobs and go to school and he works and goes to school. We are literally 45 minutes away, so the few times I've made it down there (I don't have my own car yet... hence why I am working so much, saving up) he's never been able to hangout. He told me once that if he had his own car he would come see me. I bum rides off a friends or take the bus... lately I've been feeling really confused about this whole situation. I brought up a friends house warming party and I invited him and his reply was "umm okay". when I spoke to him about hopefully getting to hangout soon, his reply was "whatever happens happens is all I'm going to say lol". That really struck a cord with me.

He's super affectionate and shows interest, he's constantly telling me that he likes me and stuff, it's just hard when his words don't match his actions. I'm kind of worried that he may just be stringing me along and I might just be a late night conversation, as my best friend put it, to him. He's been home for 7 months now and he hasn't once tried to see me. He goes to SD with his buddies every weekend... some outside opinions would be nice. :/


I really like this guy a lot, which is a big deal for me since I had a really terrible relationship a few years ago and haven't been interested in anyone since. Is that his way of saying I'm not worth it?

thank you all for your time! I'm so happy to be apart of this community now My friend recommended you guys and said you all were both helpful and caring. <3

[Hollandia]

Back story: we were good friends back in Middle school and then we graduated and lost contact until about a year ago. He added me on facebook and we started talking and catching up. Talked on the phone a lot, skyped a lot, etc., we were getting really close. He then told me he liked me and asked if he could take me on a proper date when he got home. (he was living on the east coast due to school troubles) I agreed. Fast forward a few months, lots of talking and flirting later, he came home.

I've tried on numerous occasions to plan a meet up but our schedules never seem to sync up. I work three jobs and go to school and he works and goes to school. We are literally 45 minutes away, so the few times I've made it down there (I don't have my own car yet... hence why I am working so much, saving up) he's never been able to hangout. He told me once that if he had his own car he would come see me. I bum rides off a friends or take the bus... lately I've been feeling really confused about this whole situation. I brought up a friends house warming party and I invited him and his reply was "umm okay". when I spoke to him about hopefully getting to hangout soon, his reply was "whatever happens happens is all I'm going to say lol". That really struck a cord with me.

He's super affectionate and shows interest, he's constantly telling me that he likes me and stuff, it's just hard when his words don't match his actions. I'm kind of worried that he may just be stringing me along and I might just be a late night conversation, as my best friend put it, to him. He's been home for 7 months now and he hasn't once tried to see me. He goes to SD with his buddies every weekend... some outside opinions would be nice. :/


I really like this guy a lot, which is a big deal for me since I had a really terrible relationship a few years ago and haven't been interested in anyone since. Is that his way of saying I'm not worth it?

thank you all for your time! I'm so happy to be apart of this community now My friend recommended you guys and said you all were both helpful and caring. <3

He is a player. If you just want to play and hang out then he is your guy. If you want someone to get serious with, keep looking.

[Zephii]

I don't think he's necessarily a player, but it's obvious you're more interested in this going somewhere than he is... which might simply be because he is lazy. Or maybe since he's been home he's having second thoughts, or he's just nervous. It could be anything. He's pretty young too, so getting committed might not be his highest priority.

Personally, next time he starts saying how much he likes you, I'd call him on it and ask him to make time to see you. Be blunt. You're not going to get anywhere trying to guess his intentions. Ask flat out for him to take time to meet you (he doesn't need to see his mates every single weekend!) and if by the time he's been home a full year you're still in this same place, write it off and move on. That's what I'd do.

[Hollandia]

"whatever happens happens is all I'm going to say. LOL" is not a player???
That really sounds like a player to me and I would not allow some man I am not even serious with yet to talk to me this way...............ever.

[Zephii]

Not necessarily. He might be super laid back. He might just have bad foot-in-mouth syndrome. He might not care one way or the other. He might simply be scared of making a plan in case it fails.

Or he could be a player.

I don't know him though, and my first instinct isn't to judge him. Most people have a reason for the way they are and the way they respond, and that reason doesn't always have to be negative.

[Hollandia]

Not necessarily. He might be super laid back. He might just have bad foot-in-mouth syndrome. He might not care one way or the other. He might simply be scared of making a plan in case it fails.

Or he could be a player.

I don't know him though, and my first instinct isn't to judge him. Most people have a reason for the way they are and the way they respond, and that reason doesn't always have to be negative.

It is a pretty callous thing to say, so I stand by my statement. I hope you are right but I learned that usually sometimes a duck is just a duck.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Schedules can be difficult to work around, but 7 months and only 45 minutes away seems more than just coincidence.

I've always been of the opinion that if a guy really want to see you and be with you, he will make it happen. Of course there are things you can do to make it easier - like inviting him to the housewarming party - but if seeing you is a priority, he'll make it a priority.

Honestly, I think you're more invested than he is. With all due respect, I think you need to pull back from this a little. If he wants to see you, he'll make an effort. If he doesn't, at least you'll have the answer to whether or not he seriously wants to pursue something. But I think as you've seen from his actions, at this point you should take what he says with a pinch of salt.

[Safihre]

Schedules can be difficult to work around, but 7 months and only 45 minutes away seems more than just coincidence.

I've always been of the opinion that if a guy really want to see you and be with you, he will make it happen. Of course there are things you can do to make it easier - like inviting him to the housewarming party - but if seeing you is a priority, he'll make it a priority.

Honestly, I think you're more invested than he is. With all due respect, I think you need to pull back from this a little. If he wants to see you, he'll make an effort. If he doesn't, at least you'll have the answer to whether or not he seriously wants to pursue something. But I think as you've seen from his actions, at this point you should take what he says with a pinch of salt.

45 minutes and he doesn't want to hang out?!? Stop this torture to yourself!
I'm not going to call him a player but there is something way off about this.. :/
If a man really wants something, he will make it happen.

[snow]

I second Zephii!
I think you should be blunt and ask him for time - if the housewarming party is still up, bring it up again and make sure you get a clear reply if he's coming or not.

Wheather he's a player or not is hard to say - I remember my boyfriend didn't feel comfortable in meeting me until we've been into this relationship for a couple months (he's been single for 8 years prior to meeting me and didn't want to give that up yet :P) and I wouldn't have called him a player

[Black_Halloween]

If he wants to see you, he'll see you no matter what. There are ways around not having a car. He sounds like he's just blowing smoke up your hiney.

[howspookyofme]

I'm terrified that he is just "blowing smoke up my hiney". I'll try inviting him to the party again and if it's a no go, I'll do my best to step back a bit. I really hope he isn't being a douche with my feelings, my entire opinion of him will change... well, moreso. Some great advice here though, thank you all so much!!

He is really laid back but he does have a history of dating a lot girls back in high school. Learned all of this during a "hey so past relationships?" discussion we had. The only bit that I don't get is, if he is messing with me, then why me when he could just play with some other girls feelings who is there. Which is still wrong.
I go back and forth with this a lot, hah.

[digitalfever]

I don't think you should use his acceptance/decline as a way to prove how he feels. I have guy friends that would decline because they aren't the type of person to show up to a party without back up. I think you should just tell him where your head is at.

Say something like "I'd like to hang out. Is there a time when your free? We could go _____." And then depending on his answer go from there. If he doesn't make the effort you will eventually loose interest and move on.