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New Development: Now I'm Scared...

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    New Development: Now I'm Scared...

    Up until this year, my SO had a job that was based out of the US but required him to work in other countries. He still could come home at least once a month and got a yearly 4 month break to come home.

    Due to personnel changes, he has had to look for the same line of work elsewhere, and the new employment will require him to LIVE in another country...permanently... no regular breaks...

    I'm going to attempt to dismiss the fact that the countries of choice are overflowing with exotically beautiful women, but this creates a HUGE challenge. He only mentioned this today (yet another topic to add to the list once he gets home), but he has way more of a "work-it-out" mentality than me. As much as the "head-in-the-clouds" side of me swoons at the prospect of jet-setting to see him on some exotic beach every couple of weeks, that's just not realistic. I HAVE A FULL TIME JOB AND LIMITED VACATION!!! It just seems like that would get old a little quickly. And again, what's to say that it's just not easier for him to indulge the LOCAL exotic beauties in his new back yard?

    So... I'm fighting with HUGE insecurity (I can't hold a candle to those women) and the prospect of falling into doing all of the giving and sacraficing as I always do. I recently left a job that required a lot of travel and it can be exhausting. Not to mention the fact that I would have to work around his job schedule when I arrived... no thanks...

    So, right now, I'm trying to first, just calm down and wait until the dust settles, but I have a major decision on my hands. As much as I really adore this man, at this early stage in our relationship, I'm not sure if we have the "stuff" it takes for this type of relationship. Part of me thinks its best to cut and run before we get any more involved in each other, but my heart doesn't want to be without him..

    (Sigh) I seriously think everything good in my life for some reason inevitably ends up being just a bit past arm's reach... Wow... what a day...

    #2
    First, and most importantly, quit it about the other women, or you've got no shot at this relationship at all. In an LDR, you either trust and be happy, or you don't, and you fail. If you can't get over your insecurities, you should honestly break it off right now, it can't work.

    As far as having an international LDR, with a full time job and limited vacation, well...welcome to the club, I guess Yep, it sucks, but it's perfectly doable, many of us on this site have this type of situation. We survive with seeing our SO's a few times a year, and you do get used to it. It takes a very strong, independent type of person to handle it though, not everyone can. You won't know if that's you until you try, so you need to ask yourself if this guy is worth that kind of sacrifice, because someone could get hurt in the end. If he is worth it, then why not give it your best shot? As you can see, your situation isn't unusual or weird, and people make it work every day, and it can even come with its own benefits. But, it's up to you. Think about it, read posts from others around here, get some ideas, and then see what you think. Good luck.
    Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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      #3
      Moon covered it. You've got to get over the insecurities about other women. There are beautiful women in every country, as far as I'm concerned. If your man is going to cheat, he would cheat for various reasons but I'm pretty sure none of those reasons would be beautiful, "exotic" women. You have to trust in him.

      I get that an international LDR is a daunting thought, but it's doable and worth it if it's what you want. It can be done and you'll have lots of support and people in the same boat here on LFAD to help you along.
      Last edited by mllebamako; May 31, 2013, 04:28 PM.

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        #4
        what moon say's! there are a lot handsome guy's in my country to but i am in love with my guy on the other side of the world!
        don't worrie to much about it!

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          #5
          I have to jump on the Moon bandwagon on this one. She hit the nail right on the head. There are good looking guys here and good looking women there. If a man/woman loves you, they won't cheat on you no matter if they are a janitor on the moon or a life guard on a Tahiti nude beach.
          "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
          Benjamin Franklin

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            #6
            OH MY GOD woman! I seriously wanted to slap some sense into you with the amount of times you mentioned exotic women taking your SO away.... STOP. They aren't you, if he loves you he won't give a damn about supposed exotic women....

            Moon basically hit the nail on the head.

            You either commit to your relationship and trust your SO, or you don't... and if you don't you break up. If you do trust and commit then you just go day by day knowing that it is better to be with your SO long distance than to be without them completely. it's pretty simple.
            Met Online: February 2009
            Feelings grew: January 2011
            First met in person: 4 April - 16 April 2011
            Officially together since: 4th of April 2011
            Second visit: 29 June - 1 August 2011
            Third visit: 28 September - 15 October 2011
            Fourth visit: 19 January - 25 February 2012
            Fifth visit: 24 March - 12 April 2012
            Sixth visit: 2 June - 7 July 2012
            Engaged: 1st of July 2012
            Seventh visit: 27 August - 23 September
            Visa lodged: 5th of November 2012
            Eighth visit: 8 December 2012 - 12 January 2013
            Visa granted: 8th of May 2013
            Hawaii: 19 May - 2 June 2013
            Closed the distance: 16th of July 2013

            Married my Englishman on the 4th of October 2013

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              #7
              Originally posted by Moon View Post
              First, and most importantly, quit it about the other women, or you've got no shot at this relationship at all. In an LDR, you either trust and be happy, or you don't, and you fail. If you can't get over your insecurities, you should honestly break it off right now, it can't work.
              Originally posted by Jazi View Post
              You either commit to your relationship and trust your SO, or you don't... and if you don't you break up. If you do trust and commit then you just go day by day knowing that it is better to be with your SO long distance than to be without them completely. it's pretty simple.
              Moon and Jazi both accurately expressed what I wanted to say.


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