He Suddenly plunged a dagger in my heart...some advice?
A bit long, but please bear with me? I could use the support. 
We met online when we were both 16 and 17. I was afraid of LDRs, but he reassured me that he wouldn't waste my time. I agreed but was reluctant at first.
He is the perfect match for me. He is my first love. He never wasted my time, and treats me with the upmost respect, is understanding, the whole nine yards. aka amazing. We've never "fought" in the traditional sense, We always talk things out. We've never had any disagreement that couldn't be worked out via talking, listening and compromising to make us both happy. And growing as a result.
And this is how it's been for the past 3 yrs. Us finishing school, starting college. Making sure we both are happy within the relationship, texting, calling eachother everyday, Even just to sit on the phone with each other in silence. etc.
My family was planning a vacation to the state that he lived in, and Me, jumping at the chance to see my love of soon 3 yrs, asked if he could tag along. They agreed. And paid for him to boot. We were both ecstatic. The vacation starts. I see him for the first time. Give him a Big hug, and by the time we reach the hotel room, we are carrying on like we've been together the whole time. Even commenting about how much easier it was meeting eachother than we originally though. We had a great time. (minus our feet hurting from all the walking).
We were like Best friends AND like Lovers. Joking around about something silly and then being sweet and romantic with each other. He'd Stare at me lovingly for the longest time before kissing my hand and expressing his love and how happy he was to have me in his arms. And I back to him. The family loved him as well. When it came time to go, i was very very sad. I cried, i will admit. But he was strong and comforted me and told me not to see it as a "good bye" but rather as a "We both have to take care of some things at our houses for a bit and we will be Right back when we are done." He is so sweet. And his love was every bit as real as he said it would be. possibly even more loving. Especially at night when everyone went to bed. Snuggles and cuddles and kisses...
He texted me on the plane home. Telling me to Tell him when i made it safely back to my house. I told him i would and that i loved him. He said "i love you too" as always...but it was the last time he said it.
2days after the trip (aka now). He suddenly wouldn't respond. So I (concerned) asked him "whatcha doing?" and other things like that so that i could make sure that he was doing ok. He was not. He called me up, Said our good mornings...I Said "I love you"...which was responded with "we need to talk".
He says he isn't sure if he loves me anymore, our communicating everyday is mentally draining, he didn't "feel it", the trip wasn't what he was expecting, He didn't have any fun on the trip, And the list of reasons goes on. However, every time he said a reason, I would bring up something that he did, or said that Showed the complete opposite of what his words were saying. To which he would bring up another excuse.
He said that he doesn't know what he wants he is dazed and confused...but "we will try to work it out". and with that he went to bed. To which i told him "good night, love you" which was responded with... "alright. night" OW. talk about plunging a knife.
Im not desperate and im not delusional, but I can't be convinced that he was miserable the whole time with me. (It is walking and talking and looking like a duck. Hell, I even ASKED him if it was a duck at the time and he confirmed that it was indeed a duck as if i would think of it otherwise. and suddenly two days after, he's telling me that its actually an elephant.)
And so now. Here I am. In Limbo of "we will work it out". My question is, How can you go from 3 YEARS of "I love you" to a 6 days in person of "God i love you. I'm glad to have you in my arms. You are worth it." To "I'm not sure if i love you" in the 48 hours that the trip Ended? I feel inclined to Believe his ACTIONS more than his words in this case. And his Actions tell me that he loves me as much as he has always said he has. His word are not in agreement.
Could the sudden separation after such intimate closeness be causing him to reject and withdraw like this out of fear of getting hurt? Can you really Fall out of love in 48 hours after a week of such a connected love like that? Maybe something i'm not picking up on? maybe he's Hiding Something? Or this is His way of "missing me"?
He said he was surprised by how calmly I was taking it. I'd rather not show him the bloody massacre that my heart is from being told that you may or may not be loved by your heart's desire anymore. He doesn't need to see that i'm sure. I'm Letting the bird fly and not being needy about getting him to respond because I love him. I just pray that My little bird comes back to me. That this Love Truly belonged to me...
The relationship isn't "over" So there is no need for crying just yet...But gosh dang does it hurt like a mother. Do all Loves Hurt as much as the first one?
Thanks so much for reading this Wall of Drama. ^_^
We met online when we were both 16 and 17. I was afraid of LDRs, but he reassured me that he wouldn't waste my time. I agreed but was reluctant at first.
He is the perfect match for me. He is my first love. He never wasted my time, and treats me with the upmost respect, is understanding, the whole nine yards. aka amazing. We've never "fought" in the traditional sense, We always talk things out. We've never had any disagreement that couldn't be worked out via talking, listening and compromising to make us both happy. And growing as a result.
And this is how it's been for the past 3 yrs. Us finishing school, starting college. Making sure we both are happy within the relationship, texting, calling eachother everyday, Even just to sit on the phone with each other in silence. etc.
My family was planning a vacation to the state that he lived in, and Me, jumping at the chance to see my love of soon 3 yrs, asked if he could tag along. They agreed. And paid for him to boot. We were both ecstatic. The vacation starts. I see him for the first time. Give him a Big hug, and by the time we reach the hotel room, we are carrying on like we've been together the whole time. Even commenting about how much easier it was meeting eachother than we originally though. We had a great time. (minus our feet hurting from all the walking).
We were like Best friends AND like Lovers. Joking around about something silly and then being sweet and romantic with each other. He'd Stare at me lovingly for the longest time before kissing my hand and expressing his love and how happy he was to have me in his arms. And I back to him. The family loved him as well. When it came time to go, i was very very sad. I cried, i will admit. But he was strong and comforted me and told me not to see it as a "good bye" but rather as a "We both have to take care of some things at our houses for a bit and we will be Right back when we are done." He is so sweet. And his love was every bit as real as he said it would be. possibly even more loving. Especially at night when everyone went to bed. Snuggles and cuddles and kisses...
He texted me on the plane home. Telling me to Tell him when i made it safely back to my house. I told him i would and that i loved him. He said "i love you too" as always...but it was the last time he said it.
2days after the trip (aka now). He suddenly wouldn't respond. So I (concerned) asked him "whatcha doing?" and other things like that so that i could make sure that he was doing ok. He was not. He called me up, Said our good mornings...I Said "I love you"...which was responded with "we need to talk".
He says he isn't sure if he loves me anymore, our communicating everyday is mentally draining, he didn't "feel it", the trip wasn't what he was expecting, He didn't have any fun on the trip, And the list of reasons goes on. However, every time he said a reason, I would bring up something that he did, or said that Showed the complete opposite of what his words were saying. To which he would bring up another excuse.
He said that he doesn't know what he wants he is dazed and confused...but "we will try to work it out". and with that he went to bed. To which i told him "good night, love you" which was responded with... "alright. night" OW. talk about plunging a knife.
Im not desperate and im not delusional, but I can't be convinced that he was miserable the whole time with me. (It is walking and talking and looking like a duck. Hell, I even ASKED him if it was a duck at the time and he confirmed that it was indeed a duck as if i would think of it otherwise. and suddenly two days after, he's telling me that its actually an elephant.)
And so now. Here I am. In Limbo of "we will work it out". My question is, How can you go from 3 YEARS of "I love you" to a 6 days in person of "God i love you. I'm glad to have you in my arms. You are worth it." To "I'm not sure if i love you" in the 48 hours that the trip Ended? I feel inclined to Believe his ACTIONS more than his words in this case. And his Actions tell me that he loves me as much as he has always said he has. His word are not in agreement.
Could the sudden separation after such intimate closeness be causing him to reject and withdraw like this out of fear of getting hurt? Can you really Fall out of love in 48 hours after a week of such a connected love like that? Maybe something i'm not picking up on? maybe he's Hiding Something? Or this is His way of "missing me"?
He said he was surprised by how calmly I was taking it. I'd rather not show him the bloody massacre that my heart is from being told that you may or may not be loved by your heart's desire anymore. He doesn't need to see that i'm sure. I'm Letting the bird fly and not being needy about getting him to respond because I love him. I just pray that My little bird comes back to me. That this Love Truly belonged to me...
The relationship isn't "over" So there is no need for crying just yet...But gosh dang does it hurt like a mother. Do all Loves Hurt as much as the first one?
Thanks so much for reading this Wall of Drama. ^_^
" habit.
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