It does get easier, Right?

[Louise_B]

I touched down back in the UK a little less than 48 hours ago. When I first landed I was so happy to be home, getting to see my Mums face as I knew it was killing her inside when I was gone (which broke my heart). All of that day (Monday) I was pretty much on a high apart from being exhausted.

As for yesterday I felt ok-ish I mean I was more tired yesterday than I was when I landed but I didn’t feel ‘me’ I was so quiet and I felt so bad on my mum because she was trying to make conversation with me and I was one worded answers without meaning too. she asked me a few times ' do you miss him lou? you havent said much about him' and honestly i hadnt and i didnt feel like i did miss him. But i didnt want to say to her how much i did and how much i wanted to be back there and her feel like i dont care about her you know?

This morning is a totally different day. I woke up bang on 4.44am (alarm set for 4.45am for work) and instantly I started hurting. Seeing his name on the screen off my phone instead of seeing him lying next to me. My God I haven’t felt like this in a very long time.

Is it just me or has anyone else felt like this? I mean where you can’t even describe how you are feeling? I feel numb yet I can feel the pain. Not only is he my boyfriend his my best friend too and I just feel so lost right now! I hope this gets better I really do.

Facing work today is tough, I know each and every single person is going to want to know how my trip went and if I’m honest I don’t want to have to keep repeating myself because I know it will hurt even more!

Help

[MattDavies86]

For me, after the first week, it starts to get a little easier, as soon as I can stop saying "this time last week we were..." etc, it's better then believe me lol, everytime I've come back I've been so down and crazy lol.

[Louise_B]

as soon as I can stop saying "this time last week we were..."

It sucks so bad! ive been in work nearly 2 hours and ive already had 5 people ask me how it was. And they kindly remind how happy i looked in my photos and stuff! i can feel myself getting a lump in my throat when i speak of how amazing my SO is.

I just hope i wont let my emotions take over too much and i can hold my head up high until december

[Safihre]

For me, after the first week, it starts to get a little easier, as soon as I can stop saying "this time last week we were..." etc, it's better then believe me lol, everytime I've come back I've been so down and crazy lol.

After 4 visits I've noticed me and my SO come in a pattern, first happy, then sad, then a little better and then normal. Unfortunatly after a week or 3 the doubts start kicking in because we are back to our separate lives and everything becomes a memory ("Can I do this to be apart from my SO again and again and again?" "How strong is our love still really?"). But I already noticed this really differs for everyone, some don't have any doubts.

Anyway: there is no escaping it, the post visit blues and the prospect of more waiting.. Long distance relationships at its finest.

[leonsfangirl]

It does get better with time, promise.

I'm down for atleast 2 weeks after a visit. Im very emotional and even talking to him makes me cry cause it hurts so bad. Nothing can fill the void, i feel lost and alone cause no one around me can understand how i feel. They want to talk about how it went and i cant bare it because it reminds me im not with him anymore.

Try and focus on the next time you will be together, things you can do the next time your together. Be happy that you meant him and it was everything you hoped it would be and more. This is one step in the right direction and eventually, you'll never have to be without him again. Know that he loves and misses you just as much as you love and miss him. Your relationship will be stronger than it ever was before now and you have photo's and memories instead of just an idea. You know you work as a couple instead of just hoping you would.

It will get better, i promise you.

[LadyDaemon]

I can tell you with a lot of certainty that it does get better. I think the period up until it does start to sting a little less varies from person to person,but inevitably it does lessen. I know the first time I met my fiance I was an emotional wreck for almost 2 weeks. I was non stop crying all the time,not eating,not sleeping and being terribly anti-social even towards my family. I just wanted nothing of it but to be with him. If I had it my way at that time I would've walked from here to Arizona and lived in a cardboard box just to be near him again,but I knew I couldn't do that. After that initial first couple of weeks I decided to go to a friends house and stayed with her for almost a week to get my mind off of it and when it would bother me I would talk to her. She was the only one of my friends I could talk to about my LDR and she wouldn't judge me. I'm not saying that you should do any of this. This is just my experience. But after that initial period,once I got back into my routine and convinced myself that I had to be strong then it slowly became ok again. The second time he was with me it wasn't AS bad but definitely a lot of the same emotion. Anyway,It'll get better with time hon. I promise.

[Louise_B]

Unfortunately after a week or 3 the doubts start kicking in because we are back to our separate lives and everything becomes a memory ("Can I do this to be apart from my SO again and again and again?" "How strong is our love still really?"). But I already noticed this really differs for everyone, some don't have any doubts.

In all honesty I did snap at him yesterday about a comment he made on my Facebook because it felt it made me look stupid and his reply was ‘well if I make you look stupid what’s the point in all of this, fuck it’ and then within 2 minutes we were ‘I love you’ I guess we just miss each other.

Try and focus on the next time you will be together, things you can do the next time your together

It just seems so hard to focus on it when its 6 months away, we don’t have an exact date but we know we want to try and spend xmas or new-year together. Regardless if I have to work or not. I totally understand what you mean, its nice to have those photos to look at and the memories I remember. I do have a holiday booked with the girls in 46 days to Spain so I’m going to try and concentrate on that but when that’s over I’m screwed! To make matters worse his off to another state today for a month on a sniper leadership school which means minimal communication

[leonsfangirl]

I know, i never had a date or even a rough idea when i get to see him next and that i feel makes it worse. Just because you dont have a date, doesnt men you cant plan some basic things to do. Like if he's coming here, look up things you can do and share things you want to show him or do with him.
Girls holiday is going to be a blessing, plan for that and enjoy the sun.

Everybody deals with it differently, some mope (me) where as others get up and do things. You'll find your way to handle it but remember we all know how you feel and will listen when you need to talk.

[katiecat08]

I know how you feel..well sort of. I only got to spend a few hours with my boyfriend so it was really hard saying goodbye. It hit me how much I love him and dont want to ever be without him. I think it does get easier. With time. But knowing you'll see each other again helps you have someone to look forward to.

[Verojoon]

It does get easier. My SO and I figured out that the faster we get back into our old routine, the faster it gets better... But at first we used to fight it... because as soon as we get back to the routine, it starts feeling like the trip never happened. Our first 2 visits we did the whole doubts thing after going back... even going as far as not talking to each other for a few days and breaking up... We handle things a bit more gracefully now...

For me planning helps incredibly... and after 5 months apart, I finally have a decent idea of when I will see him and am starting researching and planning.

Sometimes it feels like what is the point of all that hurt... but when being far away with someone is still better than being close with anyone else... It's worth it!

[Adora]

It does get easier angel, your kinda on a "come-down" after all the highs. I promise you it does get easier hunni, AND you got another date to look forward to, make goals for you to focus on every month until he gets here. Gimme me a call or msg if you need a chat xx

[Ejoriah]

Oh hun I'm sorry you're feeling this way

That said for me it gets easier once I get back in "our" routine. For us it's that we keep in touch throughout the day and then when he gets home and has done chores we skype for a few hours and play a game together. Once we get back into that it hurts a bit less, although of course it still sucks.

We're all here for you!

[srtd35]

I just posted about this also since it is my first week back too. This is my 5th time so I know it does get a little easier but it is still really really hard for me. I miss him like crazy. Him and I do have some tension like you described also where we get a little snippy with each other but that all calms down and we get back into our routine. I couldn't go without seeing him as long as some people on this board do and I imagine you may be in the same situation b/c you are so far apart. So far I have seen him every other month and that works okay for me once I had to go three months and that was getting really difficult for me in the end.

[garnet]

Speaking as the crazy girl who had an international LDR success story (wedding, green card, baby - but then divorce in progress), and then got back into ANOTHER ldr, I am well versed in this area of suck! In my experience, you just have to push through several days of some pretty intense pain, but then you start to get used to "normal" again.
For me, I don't think I can say that with more visits it gets any easier... it's the same cycle. But you will get used to it again, every time. It's awesome you have a plan of when you'll see each other next. Like you, I go a long time between visits, but I've never been able to plan for a trip until it's close. I think that will be helpful too!
I'm glad you had such a good time.

[Jess!]

Yes, it does get better!
With me it is also a cycle, but sometimes for some reason it is harder than others. I just take it as it comes now. I know it will be a lot of suffering and when I am on the way back home I just want to cry in the airplane. I hate when I have someone picking me up there because I feel I have to be nice, pretend that I am content and fine, when most times my mind is just a mess, with a huge headacke from crying. But it is also the best remedy, because it avoids me from thinking about it alone, on the bus, with depressing music.
I think you will get use to it, but it will always hurt. To avoid that I engage in activities that people invite me to. I push myself to go and damn it, it works!! Somedays I am very positive thinking that it will be not a lot of time appart, and the next day I have to wake up early to go to work and feel like crying on the subway and I'm numb all day.
It is a matter of getting back to the routine of being LDR. Try not to spend a lot of time alone and then you'll see you are already on the routine way of feeling.

Just my advice though, keep strong!