Did i just read that right?

[Louise_B]

So, My SO is still annoyingly married to the woman who cheated on him and broke his heart back in 2011. I haven't said much about it or thought about it to be fair, i thought i was all underway with divorcing and stuff until today for some strange reason she come up in conversation and i kindly asked him if he was still married to which he replied yes my reaction was a bit bummed and i replied with why after you split so long ago?

He explained that because his still married he gets to live off base and doesn't have to live in there accommodation , So when he knew i was coming to visit he didn't want to file the divorce and me having to actually stay on base with him or us rent a hotel so i totally understand him and where he was coming from I'm glad i didn't jump the gun and act like a jealous GF. Although he did tell me she called him the day i flying in and asked how the both of us were. (pretty cheeky if you ask me) anyways he got mad and told her to stay out of his life.

After he explained why he was still married, i reassured him its not rush for him to get a divorce and i understand why his still married i get it. but then he said something that's thrown me back a little (in a good way)..

' Well now i kinda do, i just needed to wait until after you left. babe ive thought this over and over. i have a huge plan and there's a reason i said i wanted to wait until i met your family this December before we really started thinking about settling down '

I mean if this is what i think it is don't get me wrong i am going to be the happiest woman alive i truly will. he means absolutely everything to me and he makes me so happy. But on the other hand i don't want him thinking he HAS to propose to me you know (like as if he feels like I'm waiting for him too) i want him to do it when he feels like its right.

Does anyone get what i mean? been in the same kind of situation? I wont get my hopes up of course but i have a feeling he will be popping the question he did say he wanted to go about our proposal the 'old fashioned way' by asking my parents permissions as his last marriage was a bit of a rush thing before he was deployed. So it has got me thinking ...

[lucybelle]

My parents were married for a while after separating because it's expensive to get a divorce. But by the time they started seeing other people they had that divorce finalized. He needs to get on that. Not cool. There are no excuses.

[Louise_B]

I can see where your coming from. But he had a lot to sort out. After as found out he was being cheated on he was deployed to Afghanistan for 12 months. He come back in late 2012 .. And only the beginning of this year his got back on his feet and now his away again on a leadership school in Nebraska. Once again he can't do nothing about that until his home and can visit the court house at the end of this month to file the divorce. His been separated from her since 2011. She's with the guy she cheated on him with AND a child. So it's not like his done anything wrong at all ...

[leah_c]

This sounds like VERY good news hun. I can see where it's bad that he put it off, but looking at how much divorce costs I can see why he put it off. I think we're all human and we make decisions that we think are right at the time. If it were me in your shoes, I would be a little upset, but that's me. Plus I really don't know the whole situation.

The thing is this is happening to you and what matters is how you feel about it. I'm very happy that he's realizing that he should get it over with and that he's looking to take the steps to be with you. As long as you both are being honest with each other in this relationship and you know all the reasons behind the situation then I say go for it. Yeah, he could have made better choices, but the point is he's making the right choices now to be with you.

I'm so happy for ya hun and I'm hoping that soon you'll be announcing an engagement?

[Dezface]

I can understand why it's taken awhile, to be honest. Divorces are hard to sort out, especially if you're not in one place. I had to make multiple trips to the courts and other places to get everything filed correctly. And that was with us not fighting over anything, a completely cut and dry deal. If he were to file and they got rejected (mine did over one stupid error) he would have to wait until he was back home to refile again. It's a major pain in the ass.

If I were you though, I would not be OK with him proposing if he's not divorced yet. How long is the wait after you file where he lives? The wait in Cali is 6 months. I filed in the middle of June so it took until middle of December for it to be granted. If it's the same there, then him filing at the end of June would mean it wouldn't be granted until end of December at the earliest.

I think you should definitely tell him (maybe in a subtle yet not) way that he needs to have things sorted before you guys make anything official. Then if he truly does want to marry you, he knows to get on that and get it handled ASAP.

[Louise_B]

I totally understand where you are coming from. But I just know its been tough for him to be able to get the ball rolling with everything his had to do recently. And from what I know she has t exactly been the easiest of wife's to deal with ..

His back from Nebraska on the 27th and he said he was going straight to the court house to sign. Then it's just for her to sign too. It should be a straight forward thing. But paper work being paper work .. Who knows.

I'm not insinuating his going to propose to me this December but he is meeting my parents this December so it could be another trip we plan for the beginning on 2014 that he has in mind. But I defiantly wouldn't like him propose while his still married. If feel insulted if he did and I know him well enough to know he wouldn't dram of going that to me.

[Tooki]

I don't even think it has anything to do with cost of the divorce, but the perks of living off-base. He may lose that eligibility as soon as the divorce papers are finalised.

Try not to think about it as him 'insulting you' if he ends up proposing to you before the divorce is finalised. Think about his marriage to his ex as a formality to make any visits to the US a LOT smoother and comfortable. Just reading what some of the gals on here have posted, a wedding is a long process in itself. Is his lack of commitment or feelings towards his ex telling enough of how he really feels about her?

Difficulties can arise if he was forced to live on base and you visited, because you aren't an American citizen (Going off what you said though, I think that you know this).

Good luck!

[Louise_B]

Y

I don't even think it has anything to do with cost of the divorce, but the perks of living off-base. He may lose that eligibility as soon as the divorce papers are finalised.

Try not to think about it as him 'insulting you' if he ends up proposing to you before the divorce is finalised. Think about his marriage to his ex as a formality to make any visits to the US a LOT smoother and comfortable. Just reading what some of the gals on here have posted, a wedding is a long process in itself. Is his lack of commitment or feelings towards his ex telling enough of how he really feels about her?

Difficulties can arise if he was forced to live on base and you visited, because you aren't an American citizen (Going off what you said though, I think that you know this).

Good luck!

Sorry tooki it's 3am here and I'm finding it hard to process what you said lol. But yes once the papers are signed he moves straight back on base. No more sharing a 3 bedroom house with his pal. Which means if I visit him in the future I'd have to stay on base or we'd have to spend out on hotels and stuffs which is a pain. And for our first meet in not surprised he didn't want that to happen.

But I didn't get the second part you said about his ex wife? Sorry again in advance

[Tooki]

I was trying to reinforce that the marriage is a formality for his own benefit. There is NOTHING AT ALL IN IT.

[Louise_B]

I see what you mean now. Sorry tooki. Of course there was at the start otherwise he wouldn't if married her. But after she cheated. Your right there was nothing in it. He just got a better way of living from it.

[Tooki]

I see what you mean now. Sorry tooki. Of course there was at the start otherwise he wouldn't if married her. But after she cheated. Your right there was nothing in it. He just got a better way of living from it.

Exactly! Speaking as male, it does sound like the marriage is just there as an economic benefit. The extra benefits for being 'married' can make a big difference.

[digitalfever]

I honestly don't think there is anything to worry about. He sounds like a man that doesn't want to go live in the barracks. Hehe!

[Dezface]

I'm in total agreement that it seems he's only married for the benefit. That's no reason to stay married though. Hell, my ex was paying my bills up until our divorce was final and it would have made it a lot easier on me if I dragged that out. But that wouldn't have been fair to my SO.

So I guess my point is really that it's understandable he stayed in it for awhile, but it's good he's made the decision to end it once and for all now.

[Louise_B]

I honestly don't think there is anything to worry about. He sounds like a man that doesn't want to go live in the barracks. Hehe!

And i dont blame him being able to share a hous with his pal and have his own space is amazing and now going back to a base where its soldier soldier soldier!

I'm in total agreement that it seems he's only married for the benefit

I do just want to make a point he didnt get married to get the benefits, he got married because he loved her. But now they are seperated his obviously used the marriage to his advantage which i dont blame him.

But what im wondering is the whole .. i have huge plans etc! i guess ill find out by December

[srtd35]

And i dont blame him being able to share a hous with his pal and have his own space is amazing and now going back to a base where its soldier soldier soldier!



I do just want to make a point he didnt get married to get the benefits, he got married because he loved her. But now they are seperated his obviously used the marriage to his advantage which i dont blame him.

But what im wondering is the whole .. i have huge plans etc! i guess ill find out by December

I think he was going to play it safe in case things didn't work out with you no rush for the divorce and he could keep getting the benefits until she decided to file. Now that you met he sees there is a future with you and now he is motivated to get the ball rolling on the divorce.