Optimism & Pessimism

[libelle]

Hey everyone ^^ So I am reading this book by Jorge Bucay called "The Road of Happiness". The autor is a psychotherapist and somewhere in the book claims that optimists always marry pessimists. And the suspicious person I am, of course I had to test it myself to see So, question to all - is it this way in your relationships? With me and SO it is, he is optimistic and me exactly the opposite

[TwoThree]

We're married, and we're both pessimists. So nah

[lucybelle]

Pretty sure we're both optimists.

[Moon]

He's more of a pessimist than me, but I'm not exactly an optimist either, more of a realist.

[Jazi]

I think my SO is mostly an optimist - he can be a bit of a dreamer sometimes .

I'd like to say that I'm a realist.

though I guess I can sometimes be a bit pessimistic if I let the bad side of my brain take control.

So I suppose that theory kind of applies to me and my SO? we aren't definitely set within the bounds of optimistic/pessimistic because it isn't always the same but I'd say he is the most optimistic out of the two of us.

[kattermole]

My SO is always cheerful, always looking for the positives even though in the last couple of years he's lost both his parents within a year of each other. He's so laid back about stuff and doesn't get stressed, so we're a good combo as I'm a total stresshead! I can be quite pessimistic about stuff or get caught up in stuff that really isn't important and he's such a calming influence.

[ThePiedPiper]

I'm realistic but with a healthy dose of optimism. I believe too much in perception to be pessimistic. Sure, I struggle with anxiety and all that comes along with it, but at the same time, eventually I'm going to reframe it. Same goes for when I have moments of thinking darkly. In the end, a lot of admittedly boils down to wanting to protect myself, but that's also accepting that I'm doing more harm than good, so I do my best to remain realistic with a positive spin. My ex became a pessimist and it was one of the reasons for our break-up. Among many other things, I could not handle the negativity. And to say I'm not exactly a fluke, my mother is also an idealist and does not do well with anyone short of optimism.

I'd be curious as to whether or not the author elaborates on the reason, seeing as his theory seems very Jung inspired. Jung's theory was that if one archetype dominated, then we would be attracted to someone of the opposite extreme, because we are seeking in other people that which we cannot find or balance in ourselves. He believed that once we had balanced the two opposite dominant arachetypes, then we would no longer seek out certain extremes in other people. So according to Jung, someone who was optimistic to the point of being almost an idealist, with no sense of real grounding or realism and denying the fact that sometimes no, it does not work out, might be attracted to someone who was a pessimist of the same extreme. The pessimist would seek the balance of the optimist's positivity and the optimist would seek grounding from the pessimistic (as one example). I'm wondering if this guy isn't getting at the same type of thing, though I still tend to be Jungian in thinking it's better to seek the balance within yourself versus in somebody else.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I'd say we were both a very good mix of everything. He's a bit of a dreamer, I'm a bit of a dreamer, but we're also really quite logical/realist. I know, it sounds strange, but it is true. I don't think either of us pigeon hole into pessimism or optimism... It's more like... Pessimism and optimism are the sea and the shore, and when one recedes the other comes further into play, but it really depends on the time and the day.

[Isla]

We're both pretty optimistic, but definitely realistic. We're pretty good at cheering each other up if either of us gets in a rut, so that's lovely

[Dezface]

I tend to be pessimistic and he's an eternal optimist, so yep

[Malaga]

He is most definitely a pessimist. I'm far from having a carefree attitude myself, although I would say I'm generally positive. But I think I'm becoming more optimistic with him, as if I'm compensating for his glum point of view. Maybe that's what the author meant?
I know that he often relies on me to perk him up.

[libelle]

@ThePiedPiper: What the autor said in the book was just a side remark to his main thoughts so there wasn't more information about it, but from the way it was written it seemed more like he found that out after observing real cases rather than just expressing his theory about it. But the connection you made with Jung's theory seems pretty logical to me, it is very possible that the autor had it in mind when writing ^^

@Malaga: Thats an interesting thought, the autor actually mentions that when we are young we have some character traits and as we get older, those just get more and more expressed, sometimes - depending on the circumstances - to extreme measures. So maybe people, when they marry/ begin their relationship at young age, have for example optimism - as a mildly expressed trait, but as time passes it develops more and more, especially if it happens to have to compensate for the other person ^^

[katiecat08]

I'm definitely the pessimistic one in our relationship. MY SO always jokes that Im Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.LOL

[kteire]

My SO is a bit of an optimist, and I'm a bit of a pessimist, but I think in both of that we're kind of balanced out by being realistic. I'd say I was more of an optimist when I was younger, and have become a bit jaded over time. My grandma always used to say "It'll be a sad day when life bursts your bubble Katie!" which in hindsight was not exactly nice haha. Oddly enough, the things that she'd say that to have ended up being the things I accomplished and am most proud of (moving to Ireland on my own, backpacking around Europe, finding a lovely Irish man, living in Scotland, etc)! So I think I've gotten a bit cynical from people never believing that I can/will do the things that I've always wanted to.

That sounds depressing, haha!

I do think my SO and I are good at balancing each other out, like if I'm being quite negative he's good to point out silver linings, and when he might think something is a GREAT idea, I can say, take a minute and think about this.

[Bluejay Belle]

This is an interesting thread! I like what ThePiedPiper had to say about the Jung connection, and I think my relationship is similar in these terms to kreire's. I'm more optimistic and my SO is at least more grounded (occasionally more in the pessimist realm), and we're able to help each other out when needed. I don't think he'll ever be able to work any realist charm on my desire to be a princess with a couple of unicorns, though.

(only kidding, hopefully no one here thinks I'm that far off my rocker!)