SO's Negative Thoughts, Depression

[monkinlove]

So I texted my friend/possible SO yesterday morning. Just a quick, "how is your week going so far" type of text. We ended up having a long convo through text about her and negative thoughts.

In our convo she basically realized she needs to do something about her negative thoughts and feelings. I know she has had some anxiety, depression, and frustration due to her divorce and recent issues with a bad boss. However, she confessed that her negative thoughts are beyond the causes of her boss or her divorce. I don't know if this is a recent revelation for her. It seems like it is, which is a positive thing for her. I guess it is also a revelation for me as well. I've only known her after she separated from her ex and right before her ex filed divorce papers. I'm glad she feels comfortable telling me these things. She seems to open up to me at times.

She is really negative or frustrated about where she is in life, what she has, what she doesn't have etc. She rarely focuses on the positive. Even though some positive things have happened as far as how the divorce is going and a few other huge matters that seem to be close to being resolved in her life.

I know years ago I struggled with some bad negative thoughts which caused anxiety and depression for me. It took a good almost year of counseling and going through cognitive therapy before I was better. She gave me the green light to email her some cognitive therapy worksheets and I sent her those and offered to help with those if she needed them. But I had a counselor who kept me accountable about really being conscious about my thought patterns and writing them down to figure out what negative thoughts were irrational or not logical and challenging them. It took some work.

I guess I'm just a bit afraid she will only recognize she has a problem with negative thoughts, but not do much about it. I'm not sure what I can really do to help as a friend who is long distance.

So far I've really just tried to encourage her. Tell her that there are a lot of positive things about her. That she can have a new attitude and it isn't a hopeless situation for her. I'm the type of person who wants to save people. Especially people I really care about. However, over the years I've realized I can only do so much. That a person has to be willing to do so and put in the effort to do so. I can't save them, but they have to make the decisions to save themselves. It's frustrating because I want to do so much more, but I don't want to overwhelm her and I don't want to be controlling. Those won't help at all. I just have to be patient, be there for her, encourage her and offer any help she seeks.

Anyone gone through some rough times with negative thoughts? Anything you did that helped? Anyone dealing with this with their LDR/SO? Any good resources you know of that is free or not expensive on dealing with negative thoughts? Let me know. Thanks.

[barret95]

while I was going through Depression, It helped me to write all my feelings on paper and burn it. Along with the other methods like exercising, playing guitar (which was the BIG part that helped) also went on moodgym.

My SO is going through Depression due to unforgivable nightmares in the past with her Ex. Boyfriend.
All though I spent a 1 year 2 months constantly reassuring and helping her she had many counselors (but they didn't help her). Her current one only sees her barley twice a month. What helped was being there for her. You're already doing that and keep doing it
Some methods she can try :

writing feelings on paper and discussing it with you
using moodgym (it's confusing at first) https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
Watch the anime called Naruto (he teaches you a life lesson...Never Give Up)
Keep the mind busy by doing activities she likes.
talking about it


The most important thing she should do is go to the Doctor, they can maybe give her a reference to a Counselor.

I suck at giving advice but I did my best, I hope some of it helps.

[Mims27]

This is something I'm currently going through. I feel very negative about my life and I have pretty low sefl esteem. For me what helps the most is talking about it. Lots and lots of talking, as well as reassurance. The support of my SO is a huge deal and also helps tons. I also write in a journal. What ever goes through my mind good or bad and I make sure to try write a positive quality about myself everyday. I'm not "fixed" but it has been helping me.

[monkinlove]

while I was going through Depression, It helped me to write all my feelings on paper and burn it. Along with the other methods like exercising, playing guitar (which was the BIG part that helped) also went on moodgym.

My SO is going through Depression due to unforgivable nightmares in the past with her Ex. Boyfriend.
All though I spent a 1 year 2 months constantly reassuring and helping her she had many counselors (but they didn't help her). Her current one only sees her barley twice a month. What helped was being there for her. You're already doing that and keep doing it
Some methods she can try :

writing feelings on paper and discussing it with you
using moodgym (it's confusing at first) https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
Watch the anime called Naruto (he teaches you a life lesson...Never Give Up)
Keep the mind busy by doing activities she likes.
talking about it


The most important thing she should do is go to the Doctor, they can maybe give her a reference to a Counselor.

I suck at giving advice but I did my best, I hope some of it helps.

Dude, that's cool. That's some good advice actually. Mood Gym seems interesting. I'll have to check that out. Naruto is awesome. I love that anime. My SO may not like it, but hopefully I can introduce it to her at the right time. Keeping busy is important, that is something she actually should work on. As far as activities. I've suggested a few when the topic comes up. I think as time goes on she will do more. As far as writing down feelings, again good suggestion. I sent her some worksheets similar to stuff I used. They go into writing down feelings and really putting words to it. You wouldn't think that would be difficult, but sometimes it is. Thanks for the advice and insight. It's helpful.

-Monk

[monkinlove]

This is something I'm currently going through. I feel very negative about my life and I have pretty low sefl esteem. For me what helps the most is talking about it. Lots and lots of talking, as well as reassurance. The support of my SO is a huge deal and also helps tons. I also write in a journal. What ever goes through my mind good or bad and I make sure to try write a positive quality about myself everyday. I'm not "fixed" but it has been helping me.

Oh really. I had no idea. Not like I should, but on here you seem so outgoing and helpful.

That's a cool idea to write down a positive quality. I'm hoping she can get to that point to be motivated to do that. Maybe as time goes on and given the opportunity I can suggest it. She is so hard on herself. At least right now she is.

You and Barret have reminded me and reinforced how important I am to being supportive. My friendship role. It's humbling. Sometimes I think it was meant to be and that I was supposed to be there for her now and hopefully something that continues to move forward. It's difficult to gauge in an LDR (at least in mine which communication is still very basic) to understand how much of an impact I'm having in her life or not. I have an idea I am, but sometimes it just feels like an idea.

Thank you both again for the great advice and insight to what you both are going through. It helps me and gives me some context to see where she is at and where I am at. It's very helpful. Thank you very much.

-Monk

[Mims27]

Oh really. I had no idea. Not like I should, but on here you seem so outgoing and helpful.

I love helping other's. It's helping myself that I have problems with. It's time I start doing that huh? hehe

You seem like a very supportive partner and that's wonderful. I'm sure it's very reassuring for her. I know my SO often tells me she isn't going anywhere, that I'm stuck with her forever and that's quite the morale booster. hehe It'll pass I'm sure. I'm determined to make mine pass!

[aniay]

I dealt with depression and anxiety so sever I was close to suicide. I can't express how much therapy and the psychiatrist helped me.

Therapy is not for everyone and there are good and bad psychiatrist but it is an option to try. I am an example it helps some people

But as others mentioned, being there for her is the best you can give her. Also you might ask her what she wants/needs from you because sometimes men try to fix things help their girls and sometimes we just need to be listened to.

Good luck and stay strong,

[barret95]

Dude, that's cool. That's some good advice actually. Mood Gym seems interesting. I'll have to check that out. Naruto is awesome. I love that anime. My SO may not like it, but hopefully I can introduce it to her at the right time. Keeping busy is important, that is something she actually should work on. As far as activities. I've suggested a few when the topic comes up. I think as time goes on she will do more. As far as writing down feelings, again good suggestion. I sent her some worksheets similar to stuff I used. They go into writing down feelings and really putting words to it. You wouldn't think that would be difficult, but sometimes it is. Thanks for the advice and insight. It's helpful.

-Monk

no problem. Moodgym was confusing at first but after a month I understood it! it's real helpful (it was with me).
Yes! Naruto is such good anime! I loveee Anime haha once she starts doing more activities it should help the negative thoughts go away. That's good, the worksheets will help. Keep an eye for any more negative thoughts...they could develop into more serious ones if they aren't being taken care of...
The things you have done so far sounds like it's helping, keep us updated?