He's going off right now and making me doubt that we will make it. A brief history of our relationship is that we have been together for 2 years despite having not met each other yet, despite my family being totally against it and slamming me for it to the point where I moved out of my familys house and am now living on my own in an apartment trying to support myself. I've been applying for other jobs so that I can work 2 and have that money to go and visit him for the first time in August WHILE trying freelancing on Elance during my freetime at the job I work right now. So all in all I am trying to work 3 jobs so I can come see him. I don't mind and I don't care. I'd do anything to be able to go and see him.
It jsut seems like I can't do anything right and its driving me INSANE!!! I try sooo soo hard to keep this right and perfect but in his eyes its never good enough.. or so it feels like. This last week he got onto me a crazy ton because I had a babysitting job and fathers day so I couldnt spend the weekend with him. I apologized over and over telling him that I love him and trying to find time for him and I and saying that there are other days and life happens and next week I am all his. He didn't listen and just ignored eveyrthing I sadi and had his mood and then eventually got over it. Only for him to do the same exact thing to me this entire week. Not purposefully but it happened. He jsut seems to be very sensitive and EVERYTHING gets to him and he neevr listens to me when he gets feelings.... So why am I crying right now? Well because he is going off on me again and saying things that are taking all hopes away from me. We were having a simple conversation, laughing and talking. I told him that when I was younger I wanted to move to Califronia because I don't want ot live in Texas my entire life. Well lately I have been watching this girl on Youtube that I really like and she lives in Calirfornia and its beautiful and fun and makes me want to move there. I also said that it would be perfect because thats where he will be moving when he is finally able to get his Visa to the US. It was jsut simply an idea, a fleeting thought in my head byt fun to think of and I told him about it. All of a sudden he said he wanted to go to bed and I knew I had done somethign wrong in his eyes. He thinks thats all I want to do is have fun and not focus on us. He is saying all the wrong things about how what if he cant come here next year or the year after. That his life would be easier and more simple there where he lives and he could jsut start a small company where he lives and get a car and move on with his life. Not that he would want to but sometimes he gets frustrated. Totally understandable but you don't say that to your girl! Then he is saying how we won't last if I dont focus on us and just think of having fun outside of us. You guys have NOO clue how I tried to tell him that I am focused and im NOT moving to California that I was simply saying a scene and change int life and experiencing something new here would be fun. He just moved to a different city where he is at... So he moved but I cant even MENTION moving and he thingks I dont care and am not focused. He gets so sensitive and NOTHING i can say is changing his attitude right now. We spend every single day together besides this last weekend. We video chat while Im at work, we video chat when I get home, we video chat on the weekends, we send messages, we are btoh saving all of our money, ect ect! Im trying so hard! I told him that I am focusing on us and I love him so much and he is my future but that I also need to do things here as well. That if I ever was to move that it wouldn't change a simple thing about our relationship. That we woudl still haev all the time together and we would love each other and be working towards each other but that doesn't matter to him. He doesn't get the fact that I need to do things to and focus on here as well. That I need to balance it out and he needs to work with me. Except if I tell him that then he says I don't care abotu us and don't love him as much and put as much into this as him. I just need some fun here too! I need to experience life to a degree. I am young and need to do some things but it doesnt mean that I am not putting that same amount of efffort right back into us and more. I mean, Im trying to work 3 jobs! How crazy is that?! Thats focusing on us and trying! UGH!
:'( I jsut simply told him that moving to California would be fun and he goes off and says all of these things and its just... crushing me. I understand that he s burdened and I tried to help in the best way I can but it jsut feels like he doesnt see a single thing that I do. That he gets one idea in his head and goes crazy over that thoughts and throwing it at me. I honestly don't know what to do. PLease help calm me down and give me some advice!
It jsut seems like I can't do anything right and its driving me INSANE!!! I try sooo soo hard to keep this right and perfect but in his eyes its never good enough.. or so it feels like. This last week he got onto me a crazy ton because I had a babysitting job and fathers day so I couldnt spend the weekend with him. I apologized over and over telling him that I love him and trying to find time for him and I and saying that there are other days and life happens and next week I am all his. He didn't listen and just ignored eveyrthing I sadi and had his mood and then eventually got over it. Only for him to do the same exact thing to me this entire week. Not purposefully but it happened. He jsut seems to be very sensitive and EVERYTHING gets to him and he neevr listens to me when he gets feelings.... So why am I crying right now? Well because he is going off on me again and saying things that are taking all hopes away from me. We were having a simple conversation, laughing and talking. I told him that when I was younger I wanted to move to Califronia because I don't want ot live in Texas my entire life. Well lately I have been watching this girl on Youtube that I really like and she lives in Calirfornia and its beautiful and fun and makes me want to move there. I also said that it would be perfect because thats where he will be moving when he is finally able to get his Visa to the US. It was jsut simply an idea, a fleeting thought in my head byt fun to think of and I told him about it. All of a sudden he said he wanted to go to bed and I knew I had done somethign wrong in his eyes. He thinks thats all I want to do is have fun and not focus on us. He is saying all the wrong things about how what if he cant come here next year or the year after. That his life would be easier and more simple there where he lives and he could jsut start a small company where he lives and get a car and move on with his life. Not that he would want to but sometimes he gets frustrated. Totally understandable but you don't say that to your girl! Then he is saying how we won't last if I dont focus on us and just think of having fun outside of us. You guys have NOO clue how I tried to tell him that I am focused and im NOT moving to California that I was simply saying a scene and change int life and experiencing something new here would be fun. He just moved to a different city where he is at... So he moved but I cant even MENTION moving and he thingks I dont care and am not focused. He gets so sensitive and NOTHING i can say is changing his attitude right now. We spend every single day together besides this last weekend. We video chat while Im at work, we video chat when I get home, we video chat on the weekends, we send messages, we are btoh saving all of our money, ect ect! Im trying so hard! I told him that I am focusing on us and I love him so much and he is my future but that I also need to do things here as well. That if I ever was to move that it wouldn't change a simple thing about our relationship. That we woudl still haev all the time together and we would love each other and be working towards each other but that doesn't matter to him. He doesn't get the fact that I need to do things to and focus on here as well. That I need to balance it out and he needs to work with me. Except if I tell him that then he says I don't care abotu us and don't love him as much and put as much into this as him. I just need some fun here too! I need to experience life to a degree. I am young and need to do some things but it doesnt mean that I am not putting that same amount of efffort right back into us and more. I mean, Im trying to work 3 jobs! How crazy is that?! Thats focusing on us and trying! UGH!
:'( I jsut simply told him that moving to California would be fun and he goes off and says all of these things and its just... crushing me. I understand that he s burdened and I tried to help in the best way I can but it jsut feels like he doesnt see a single thing that I do. That he gets one idea in his head and goes crazy over that thoughts and throwing it at me. I honestly don't know what to do. PLease help calm me down and give me some advice!
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