I feel so lost, low, trapped there is so many words i can try and describe how i feel but none of them is even going to come close. I feel crushed let down disapointed!
For the past 6 years i've had to grow up with my mum walking out on me my brother and my dad every couple of months Just so she could hit the bottle of a week care free and then she would return home. 6 Years ago it was hell i would dread going home just because i would never know what state she would be in, I would dread the end of the month coming up (payday) because i knew i wouldnt see her for a week. But even though i hated her for what she was doing i would miss her so much it hurt! And when she would return home i would just welcome her back with open arms! There has been a 1 time or two where i have sat on my knees begging her crying so hard telling her to not drink no more because i wanted my mum back. I wanted someone who i could hang out with and tell my secrets too. I knew i couldnt because if i did she would only throw them in my face once she had a drink.
times were tough and it all went down hill when she went missing for a week and we got a call from the Hopsital september 2012 saying she had been rushed in for an emergency operation as an ulcer had burst in her stomach. We nearly lost her and i remember sitting by her bedside crying and telling her shes killing herself. She hit rock bottom and she knew it! after she didnt drink for 6 months. I was the happiest girl alive, she kept me going through my break up with my ex. We were hanging out more going riding together (i bought us a horse each so keep her on track) I was finally happy that i could boast that i had an amazing mum by my side!
Until last week! She off the rails. Never come home, Even on her birthday. i had booked her and my dad into My work for a meal at the Ritz Hotel in London. and she never even come home. She never went to see her horse. She turned her back on the family and her animal once again! This is an animal that i work hours under the sun to pay for! and leave myself broke every month just so shes happy. But what for? she comes and goes when she pleases.
To Make matters worse, My SO is kicking me while i'm down. Blowing up on a photo on my facebook which was taking 3 years ago of me and guy friends at college. insecurity raged through his body the last 3 days while sending me abusive harsh text messages. Of all people i thought he would understand as the last 5 years he would always message me when my mum went off again to try and be by myside! But now .. his a totally different person instead of getting me back on my feet making me feel human again. his just kicking the dirt over me why i lay there helplessly falling into a rutt and i cant see no way out! I'm broken and i dont know where to turn. I feel so alone
For the past 6 years i've had to grow up with my mum walking out on me my brother and my dad every couple of months Just so she could hit the bottle of a week care free and then she would return home. 6 Years ago it was hell i would dread going home just because i would never know what state she would be in, I would dread the end of the month coming up (payday) because i knew i wouldnt see her for a week. But even though i hated her for what she was doing i would miss her so much it hurt! And when she would return home i would just welcome her back with open arms! There has been a 1 time or two where i have sat on my knees begging her crying so hard telling her to not drink no more because i wanted my mum back. I wanted someone who i could hang out with and tell my secrets too. I knew i couldnt because if i did she would only throw them in my face once she had a drink.
times were tough and it all went down hill when she went missing for a week and we got a call from the Hopsital september 2012 saying she had been rushed in for an emergency operation as an ulcer had burst in her stomach. We nearly lost her and i remember sitting by her bedside crying and telling her shes killing herself. She hit rock bottom and she knew it! after she didnt drink for 6 months. I was the happiest girl alive, she kept me going through my break up with my ex. We were hanging out more going riding together (i bought us a horse each so keep her on track) I was finally happy that i could boast that i had an amazing mum by my side!
Until last week! She off the rails. Never come home, Even on her birthday. i had booked her and my dad into My work for a meal at the Ritz Hotel in London. and she never even come home. She never went to see her horse. She turned her back on the family and her animal once again! This is an animal that i work hours under the sun to pay for! and leave myself broke every month just so shes happy. But what for? she comes and goes when she pleases.
To Make matters worse, My SO is kicking me while i'm down. Blowing up on a photo on my facebook which was taking 3 years ago of me and guy friends at college. insecurity raged through his body the last 3 days while sending me abusive harsh text messages. Of all people i thought he would understand as the last 5 years he would always message me when my mum went off again to try and be by myside! But now .. his a totally different person instead of getting me back on my feet making me feel human again. his just kicking the dirt over me why i lay there helplessly falling into a rutt and i cant see no way out! I'm broken and i dont know where to turn. I feel so alone
I suggest you surround yourself with friends for now and wait for him to come around... you can only deal with so much negativity at a time.
I agree with the last posts, perhaps something triggered his unusual behaviour, you said he was being verbally abusive, has this happened before? Because it isn't something you should wave off, no matter what the situation is one must always be respectful toward the other.. I am scared to give advice, but it sounds like two options right now - speak to him immediately and try to figure out what the hell caused that unexpected behaviour (was it a specific thing that triggered it, or was it just something that bothered him for a long time and he let it out now?), or try to distance yourself from him for a day - you both are really stressed now, discussing it at the moment may cause new arguements - sometimes a night sleep and calmly thinking things over can help more - you have enough on your head right now in order to pay attention to his childish behaviour as well. Pick what you think is best right now, I am here if you need someone to talk to 
Comment