Well this is depressing..

[princessmaria]

I just spent a month with my LDB. This is the longest time we have spent together and the wait until next time I see him will be the longest time we have ever spent apart (7 months). Next year we're closing the distance as I am transferring universities to one closer to him (about 10-15mins when we’re currently over 1,300 miles apart). I need to do well in school though so I really need my head on straight but it’s difficult. We did absolutely everything together for 31 days, from eating, sleeping, showering, brushing our teeth—literally everything. He’s my best friend and we’re really comfortable with each other, the whole farting and play wrestling, stuck like glue kind of besties. I’m sure some of you know or can imagine how empty I feel now being away from him now.

There is like a chasm in my chest that hurts so deeply sometimes it makes it difficult to breathe. I’m afraid that I won’t do as well in school as I need to because of how much I’m hurting at the moment. It is the kind of pain where the way to end it is just at your finger tips but it's as if someone is physically restraining you from reaching it. In this case, it's the fact that we really need to save up money to close the distance so we can no longer afford holiday visits. It would be 3 in total and that would cost over a thousand dollars. I'm afraid I'm going to convince myself it's okay to buy them anyway and that would push back closing the distance even further. I am not thinking rationally; my heart is overwhelming me. I know that it’s only temporary but I have this desperate ache to just hop on a plane and never come back here (but that would be irresponsible and illegal without me having some kind of visa - have to obtain my study visa which will require me to get accepted into uni first). I mean, even at the airport I was thinking of ways to get out of leaving like pretending to miss my flight.

In part this is because my home life is pretty awful and has been for the past year. I have extreme family issues and ended up kicked out on the streets to starve and die (luckily that did not happen). I won't make this a sob story by delving into that, but not only is he my boyfriend and my bestfriend but he's almost literally the only thing that makes me happy (aside from muffins). I really miss him more than anything. He is my home and being back in my actual "home" feels so depressing. I literally have no energy to even step outside because it feels like there is nothing for me here, nothing out there that I want. I want to be 1,300 miles away where my heart is. It's as if I was in heaven for a month and have just stepped back into the firey pits of hell. I feel home sick because it is so negative here and I have no love or support whereas with him I am his princess and he goes out of his way to make me smile and giggle like a little girl.

I need to get myself together because school will be starting soon and in order for me to transfer where I would like I need to make perfect grades. I need to somehow overcome the stress of my daily life and the emotional turmoil of not being able to see him for so long but being surrounded by those who make me feel horrible (can I just deck them all in the face and call it a day??)

Please lend me some advice on how to combat this overwhelming urge to drop all of my responsibilities and run as far away from the pain as possible. What keeps you strong and goal oriented without your emotions getting in the way of rationalistic thought?

[sarahjane1992]

I understand how you feel. I spent only a week with my BF and it was amazing. We did everything together and were constantly with each other. When I left, I felt very empty. My heart just ached. It was a very numb feeling. All I wanted to do the second I got home was see him again. I felt the same way you did. We've been apart for over a month but I'm flying to Texas to see him in 2 weeks or so. For the first 2 weeks I was home, all I could really focus on was him. Missing him, wanting him etc. I was very emotional. It's hard not to be! I was really sad for the first 2 weeks.

Then I started to feel better. I had my job, getting ready for school etc. What helps me is communication. We talk a lot during the day. Except for when I'm at work. We keep that open line of communication open. If I'm sad, I let him know. He comforts me. I do miss him very much. But I just try and focus on the positive.

My home situation is different than yours, so I can't relate to that. Being in a LDR is hard. And I can't imagine not having a supportive group of people around you. My family/friends don't understand what this is like, but they try and listen to me when I need to talk. A good reason that you're on here. I find the forum very helpful/encouraging. What helps me is when I feel sad, I just let myself be sad and cry. Indulge in ice cream that's good sometimes!

I was hoping to close the distance next January, but looking at it and being rational, we decided it just couldn't work. School and money were the main factors. It wasn't an easy decision to make. It means we're going to be LD for another year. But it was the best one for our future. I know it is hard without him. It's a very raw and numb feeling. But it's helpful to focus on the positive and the future.

I hope some of that helped. I'm somewhat new to this, but I understand how you're feeling. It's hard. But worth it for sure!

[Isla]

That post trip depression really is the worst, isn't it? It's been a week today since I saw my SO, and it still feels all wrong sleeping by myself.

What you have to remember though, is that it gets easier with time. The further away from the last trip, and the closer to the next trip it gets, the more you will focus on how much you can't wait to see him, rather than how much you miss him. It just takes an awful lot of adjusting after spending so much concentrated time together to go back to living without him.

If your university goes back so soon, then that will give you some much needed distraction I'm in the same boat in that sense; another week of no study, another week with an excuse to mope around all day haha. In the meantime, if there is no study you can do, I would strongly suggest getting hooked on a really good new TV series. I'm not sure what sort of thing you're into, but it's a really good way to escape reality for a while, if you can find something that absorbs you enough. There are some truly amazing TV series out there. I found that New Girl did the trick for me.

Good luck, lovely It's not a nice feeling.

[jo28]

First of all, breathe! And always, always, always remember that you are NOT alone in this. Either because you have your SO or because you have this community to support you, you are never alone.

I have -and I'm sure many other members- have lived this situation before. Things in my family weren't the best either (thankfully, not to your point) but still, they were bad, I had just come from spending 2 months with my SO and I had my last year of university ahead of me. I know how hard it is to focus on school when you are missing someone that much. There's no fool-proof remedy for a lonely heart, we all learn that but all I can say it is to focus on the good things, your relationship, the excitement of the countdown, surround yourself with good friends and happy people and try to focus on the outcome of your hard-work in school. And if you feel like you need to cry, just cry. Treat yourself to a downtime if needed but don't let that be the main theme of your life. Keep communication open with your SO, let him know when you are feeling down, when you need support. You can always come here for support as well.

Come on, you have been brave all this time..you can do it!

[Ejoriah]

I totally understand what you mean. I felt this way after just spending 10 days with my boyfriend, and while right now I am so happy spending the summer with him (in Houston!) I know that when we have to go back to long distance I am going to be devastated! What I have found works is to throw myself into school work. Just like you, I NEED to do well, and throwing myself into school serves the purpose of keeping me on track and keeping my mind from missing my boyfriend too much. Luckily I love my major and always find the latest research fascinating

As others have mentioned if you need to cry, cry. Be kind to yourself.

[SquishyLove]

I had the same horrible feelings you have now when I returned from a six week visit with my husband back in the Summer of 2011. It was so hard leaving him in the airport, and we both felt horribly sad for a couple of weeks. And then, it got easier. We began putting our plan of closing the distance in motion, and we both had to get back to work and day-to-day life. Soon after, we had our next visit planned (several months away like in your case). It was hard, but it gets easier.

I think you can do well in school if you put your mind to it, and just think about how it'll better your future to do well, and help you close the distance. I believe you'll get used to it again and will be able to focus on school. Try to keep yourself distracted in the mean time with funny things, like some comedy movies or interesting books, cleaning your living space up really good, and of course try to continue to make time to chat with your SO, because I'm sure he misses you really bad too. I didn't have school to think about, but I understand your pain after coming back from a visit and knowing it'll be several months before the next, cause I went through it too...

And when I returned, I wasn't living with family, but with two horrible roommates (they were a couple) who were terribly irresponsible. We were in a no-lease situation in the house we were renting, and they just decided not to pay rent while I was gone on that trip, so I came back to a bunch of drama and hell as well. It was awful. So I feel ya as well on coming back and feeling like you have no support from the people you live with.

[princessmaria]

Thanks so much guys. I really appreciate all of the response. It has been a difficult few days for me, for sure. I spoke to him about our financial situation since the goal right now is just to "save save save" and not even think about visits in between. He kind of compromised and said that instead of me just coming down once the school semester starts, I can fly down as soon as my semester is over here (December 9-10th, whenever my exams are done). I'm so excited now! I can even have a ticker. :P

I've been spending a considerable amount of time figuring out what is my best options as far as travelling, and getting student loans. It has helped me so much, even though it's all a bit overwhelming because I have many many things to do in 5 months. It'll be worth every drop of blood, sweat, and tears.