Stopped saying "I Love You"

[RCldr]

I've been over-thinking this so much that I think I'm going to give myself an ulcer, so here we go:

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months and have gotten to meet in person (for about a week at the beginning of June). Everything was absolutely wonderful, head over heels sort of stuff right up until about 2-3 weeks ago. Where we once would talk for hours at a time everyday and he would profess his love to me in the most beautiful ways....now he has stopped saying "I love you" almost completely. While he will text me throughout the day (always says good morning and goodnight) and say "*kiss kiss*" or send a <3 he hasn't said I love you in 2 weeks. This has been coupled with significantly reduced Skype time (Perhaps 3 hours over two weeks). While some of it was because he was traveling to see family other was just because he was tired. I had previously mentioned the lack of "I love you" in a passing conversation and he basically said he hadn't realized he wasn't saying it. I asked other people in my life for advice on if I should ask him about this again and have received very contradictory advice so I though I'd come to the experts:

Bring up the topic of reduced Skype time and no "I love you" and risk pushing him away

or

Chalk this up to a phase he is going through and wait for him to come around

Thanks for your help, everyone!

[Dezface]

I would bring it up again. You don't have to be accusatory about it. Just tell him again that it's bothering you a bit and you would appreciate him outting in a bit more effort.

Question though, are you telling him "I love you" and he's not responding? Or just neither of you are saying it at all?

[Black_Halloween]

I'm going to beat a dead horse here and say: You need to communicate.

[RCldr]

Question though, are you telling him "I love you" and he's not responding? Or just neither of you are saying it at all?

For the first two weeks I would text I love you and he would generally respond with a text <3 or *kiss* which wasn't odd at first but then I realize he just wasn't saying it at all so the past week or so I've just been matching whatever he would send me (<3 or *kiss*).

*I guess I'm just trying to also figure out how to word it without sounding accusatory as it is a lack of action on his behalf? Oh, words....

[iloveyourway]

I just wanted to say that I can totally relate to this. I would be thinking the same thing, and asking myself that exact same question. Being that I am like you in that way - I wouldn't bring it up again for a little bit.

I have realized that not physically being with somebody makes being on different pages more difficult, &makes communicating a bit harder. Because I am going through a situation where I feel stuck - like you do - it is very difficult to find the right words to get across what you need to say. I depend a lot on body language and touch for situations like this - &without that, it's just crazy.

Over thinking things is terrible, I know. Hang in there. I would give him a little bit of time. Maybe there is nothing else to it besides the fact that he's tired.

Good luck!

[Kiyama]

Maybe he's just not that kind of guy who says it all the time? There are people like that and it's nothing to worry about. Talk to him about it and ask him openly.
You know saying "I love you" is no guarantee for him meaning it. That's what I have learned from my ex so don't over think this yet and talk, talk, talk

[Chris516]

I'm going to beat a dead horse here and say: You need to communicate.

I have to agree with this. Because for a short while, my SO wasn't saying it. We were having communication problems for a while, where she wasn't communicating by phone, e-mail, or Facebaook. But she is more upbeat now and is more cheerful when we talk on the phone.

[LittleBox]

Personally, I don't say "I love you" constantly. I try to show it in other ways because the love is implied and doesn't have to be said constantly. Having said that, I understand why the reduced skype time plus the lack of I-love-yous would make you question things. Try not to accuse him of everything and approach it from a what you feel standpoint versus what he's not doing.

[Remy]

I don't say it all the time, neither does my girlfriend. Love shouldn't be constantly verbal, there should be actions behind that love as well.

Don't overthink it so much and just talk it out. Sometimes you just gotta put it out there, people don't come with mindreading powers. (Though sometimes, it might be awesome if they did..)

[LadyDaemon]

I have to say I agree with everyone else. Communicate and don't over analyze it. Some people just don't do the "I love yous" all the time. Some would rather show it by their actions rather then their words. Words are nice and all but actions more often then not actually prove something more so then words do.

[Chris516]

Personally, I don't say "I love you" constantly. I try to show it in other ways because the love is implied and doesn't have to be said constantly. Having said that, I understand why the reduced skype time plus the lack of I-love-yous would make you question things. Try not to accuse him of everything and approach it from a what you feel standpoint versus what he's not doing.

We end each communication by saying it. As if that was the last thing one of us said, before we died.

[princessmaria]

In the beginning of my relationship with my SO we were all about the I love you's and long professions of love. I think it's normal for couples to slowly fizzle out from that and become more reassured and comfortable. I don't have to tell my SO I love him because he already knows that I do and vice versa, although we still say it whenever the need arises. It isn't an absolute NEED.

I had previously mentioned the lack of "I love you" in a passing conversation and he basically said he hadn't realized he wasn't saying it.

This also sounded like typical male behavior to me! It seems genuine and I doubt he's purposely not saying I love you. You don't have to say I love you to feel it.

On the other hand the Skype convo cut down could be concerning. If it's really really bothering you, tell him that you would like to Skype with him more and see how he takes it. If he has a problem with it then I would suggest asking deeper questions, but for now I wouldn't be so analytical of the situation.

[RCldr]

Hey guys quick update, I went ahead and brought the topic up and it was not on purpose. He had basically had an argument with his parents/friends about him spending too much time with me (and not devoting enough time to them) which precipitated the decreased Skype time. Thank you for all your suggestions and help