An Issue of Nationality

[Govilku]

When I was a freshmen in high school I had a profound understanding that 90% of high school relationships are predictably temporary and bland. I really didn't care for love and I still feel a bit stupid for talking about it on a forum. This is the last thing I want to do but I have no other options. My name is Brian, I am 17, and for about a year I've been stressed and anxious. I had problems sleeping and woke up with headaches, pee'd the bed and basically emotionally unhealthy for a while. When I hit 17 I became much better and more assured of my future. I laid out the foundations to what would lead me to a moderately comfortable living. Then I met someone

But this one was different, she never complained about being bored with me, she never nagged me about doing things, never made me feel insecure, she was just perfect for me. I grew suspicious but every day she struck down every little test I gave her. From then on I knew I had the challenge pursuing this relationship (I should write a book). She lives in Germany, which does not allow dual-citizenship, and makes you pick a citizenship at age 18 or 21 (Google is your friend).

The way that schooling works there, from what she told me of course, is that there is some kind of hierarchy of schooling that begins after middle school; one for poor students, one for average students, and so on. She tells me that she would receive a better education if she stays for high school in Germany. That's two more years unfortunately and even after that I would be pressed to make a decision of moving out of the country. I have always been a slacker but I never thought I would pay for it this way.

I need to enter a community college before transferring to a 4+-year university (Terrible GPA of course). To be honest this isn't hard, I'm not "short of the mind" to be politically correct. I need to stay here to shape up my grades but how will I maintain a relationship over 1000 miles apart. Even then, where could we possibly go to study? It's just all so stressful.

[kikidee]

Is there any chance she'd be willing to move to you?

[Anoulie]

I feel compelled to add a few words about the German education system. It's different in different states, but this is what it's like for most people:
After fourth grade, your teachers recommend you to go to one of three possible schools: Hauptschule, Realschule, or Gymnasium. Gymnasium is for the "smart kids", or one should rather say, for those who want to attend university afterwards. You graduate after grade 12. Realschule is for jobs that you don't need to go to university for, such as secretary, bank clerk, accountant, nurse... and you graduate after grade 10. Hauptschule is even shorter (you graduate after grade 9, then attend a vocational school for two years) and graduating from there is the bare minimum if you want to get a job.
Which school you go to depends on your intelligence, work attitude and goals for your future, NOT money. None of these schools require you to pay fees to attend. Students' socioeconomic background does play a role, of course, but we're working on giving everyone equal chances at a good education. And it's true that education is pretty damn awesome in Germany. Assuming your girlfriend goes to a Gymnasium and is planning on attending university afterwards, it really would be best for her to stay there. University is super cheap (I pay less than $600 every year), too, and you get all kinds of state funding for your living expenses, cheap housing etc. If I were her, there'd be no way I'd go to college in the US (and your college is more like our grades 11 and 12 at the Gymnasium, I'm sorry to say) and accumulate a huge amount of debt. If your relationship doesn't work out as you hope, she'll be stuck with that debt and that would suck.
You could move to Germany (of course I'd say that) and go to university here. Lots of international students come here every year. Unfortunately, not even a high school diploma with good grades would suffice, unless you have a bunch of AP classes. Maybe Google will tell you more on how to fullfil the necessary requirements.
Also, I fail to see what dual citizenship has got to do with your problem? Does she have dual citizenship right now?
Sooo my advice to you would basically be to check out the requirements for studying in Germany, work on fulfilling them and then hopping on a plane to your sweetheart. Not only will you enjoy her company, but also the benefits of the German university system and the experience of living in a foreign country. And if it doesn't work out, at least neither one of you will be in debt.
And as for maintaining the relationship -- sure, it's hard, but if you read through the forums, there are people who've dealt with that for far longer than two years, and then they closed the distance, got married, had kids and lived happily ever after. So can you Cheers!

[Govilku]

Wow. I can't explain with another word. You really gave me some direction there. I'm gonna keep this post short and sweet so lets just say I'm going to be quite busy this summer.

[Govilku]

She wants to but I don't want to make her do so much.

[emsimes]

Welcome to LFAD!
My SO lives in Berlin as well!! Aren't Germans the best?
I just wanted to say that Anoulie is right on the mark with her information. Fortunately, university tuition is much cheaper in Germany than it is in the US. Germany is a very beautiful country with a lot of history and culture..I'm sure you would like it there

Best of luck to you with your LDR, and feel free to message me if you ever have any questions!

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Have you guys had a chance to meet yet? I would recommend trying to see if you can spend some time physically together if you can. Because if you meet and it's not all sunshine and roses, it opens up your future for plenty more decisions. It's all well and good planning your future - and it sounds like Germany is the golden ticket of education - but if you're going to put in such meticulous planning, I don't see why you'd take a blind gamble on the person you're planning for.

On top of that, there are people who go for years without meeting, but meeting adds another dimension to your relationship. I found it solidified what I thought I knew, and only added strength to the relationship. So I found meeting to be a key part of building the relationship for me. Plus it's exciting and fun.

[Malaga]

Not sure what citizenship has to do with your problem but I know there was a simple loophole that a few people here used when they married Germans. Because my country allows for dual citizenship and Germany doesn't, if they wanted both they would denounce their original citizenship, apply for the German and after they were approved, reapply for their original citizenship. Never heard anyone having a problem because of it, admittedly that was some 10 years ago so laws may have changed.

[Govilku]

Yes we started out meeting each other physically at school.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Yes we started out meeting each other physically at school.

Ah, ok, I wasn't clear.

[abc123]

Also wanted to add that the school hierarchy is based on grades (arguably intelligence) not money. Germany does allow dual citizenship, I actually have German/American citizenship. However, this is through birth, I don't think you can get through marriage.

[Dziubka]

Haven't they changed the laws about dual citizenship just recently? I don't know exactly, because it doesn't affect me (nor my relationship, I'm positive that dual EU-citizenship is still allowed), but I think I read something about it?

[Tooki]

Haven't they changed the laws about dual citizenship just recently? I don't know exactly, because it doesn't affect me (nor my relationship, I'm positive that dual EU-citizenship is still allowed), but I think I read something about it?

I think that it depends on the country? I know that in some/most cases, a country cannot forcibly revoke your citizenship (it may be written into the country's constitution/bill of rights). I would look into that OP, but it generally doesn't apply to citizens who naturalise (only to citizens by birth/descent).

[Govilku]

I'd like to thank everyone for showing up and replying. But as for the dual-nationality thing I am aware that there are loopholes but the solidified fact is, that at 18, so she says, she needs to choose which might be an obstacle to overcome. Everyday I am worrying so much, I've become even more anxious and unsure. This really isn't good for me and sometimes I feel like I need to detach a bit. How often should I try to talk to her?

[Ejoriah]

Out of curiosity, what two nationalities does she have to pick between and how does that affect your relationship? One of my best friends is dual German-American because of birth so I know there are instances where dual nationality is allowed.