Addicted to LDR's?

[Jezah]

Hey all. Been a loooong time since I posted anything. Me and HBB broke up, kinda sorta friends sometimes still, but mainly he just pisses me off so we don't talk. My funny question today is...do you think you can be addicted to LDR's? I may have met an Australian boy recently who has started to steal my heart, and I feel doomed to always fall for men thousands of miles away! Granted I would fall for this guy if he lived next door! He is funny, sweet and gorgeous. Right now we are just playful, he has dropped numerous hints that he likes me and finds me interesting and beautiful.

I just find it odd no guys around here grab me as much as both HBB and my Aussie hottie have. I am on dating sites and I never make the move to meet any of the guys, it never feels right. I wonder if the guys around here are just less interesting, or maybe I just feel more comfortable without the physical contact side at first? Anyone else here find they have had multiple LDR's?

[rubydissolution]

I think some people are more about prone to getting into LDRs then others. I think it has to do with ones personality. Like if you are shy and find you can open up more to someone on the net rather then in person. There is absolutely nothinf wrong with that.

Personally after my last one ended I swore of them BC I wanted someone local. I like being able to see my bf when I want and not have to wait months to see him, hold him or kiss.him. That was my choice though. I know a number of people on this forum that just stick to LDRs. More power to you guys. I just couldnt do it again.

[kittyo9]

I think, having been in a (sort of successful, for a while) LDR, you are more likely to be open to the possibility of starting a long-distance relationship with someone than someone who has only ever been CD. I think it also depends on where you spend your time and where you meet people. I spend a lot of time online, playing games online, talking to friends online, etc., so I just meet a lot of people online, and it stands to reason that you're more likely to meet a potential partner where you meet the most people. It's also much easier to weed out people you know you won't like based on certain not-quite-so-obvious things (ex: I am a stickler for good spelling and grammar-- I cannot date someone who won't type properly, and meeting online makes it pretty easy to pick them out!). As a result, most of my romantic interests have been people I met online.

I think I'm also just attracted to the idea of someone who is from a different place. It's that "foreign" thing (even if they're not so foreign-- I was dating a guy from Colorado when I was in my teens, and another guy from Texas a little later).

[garnet]

Hello, my name is Sarah. I meet boys in wow. >_>

[LadyDaemon]

I don't think I'm personally addicted to LDRs myself. But as Kittyo9 said,having had three of my longest relationships be online and having spent a majority of my time online since I was 15 I think I was just naturally more open to LDRs. I also leaned more towards LDRs because the few times I've ever been CD all those guys wanted was something physical from me,they didn't care about my personality or what was in my head. I found that in LDRs that was less of a problem for me so it also made dating LD more comfortable,I could get a feel quite early on if a guy was actually there for me or if he was just there for my "assets". So essentially because of those factors I've just always dated LD.

Hello, my name is Sarah. I meet boys in wow. >_>

ETA: LOL I met my fiance on WoW <3. WoW boy lovers unite!

[rixue]

Hello, my name is Sarah. I meet boys in wow. >_>

That is how I met my SO!

[Jezah]

All my boys have been writers on a Star Wars RP site, haha. This Aussie is also a writer there, though funny enough we met through FB when he was talking to one of the other writers I was friends with on FB, and he commented on his status. I think LadyDaemon got it right, for me too I feel in person the men are more stuck on "get the booty, get the booty!" than getting to know you. Online, there is no chance of that really so they instead get to know your personality. Men tend to get really aggressive with me as well in person, pushing me to do things that I am not comfortable with yet and I get very nervous and just laugh it off instead of saying no. Therefore I guess I am very nervous about meeting men in person unless I know them really well first. Sadly this Aussie boy is young (20) which means he is not financially well off, so I have no idea if it even could go anywhere, I just know I am in serious like with him.

[Chris516]

Hey all. Been a loooong time since I posted anything. Me and HBB broke up, kinda sorta friends sometimes still, but mainly he just pisses me off so we don't talk. My funny question today is...do you think you can be addicted to LDR's? I may have met an Australian boy recently who has started to steal my heart, and I feel doomed to always fall for men thousands of miles away! Granted I would fall for this guy if he lived next door! He is funny, sweet and gorgeous. Right now we are just playful, he has dropped numerous hints that he likes me and finds me interesting and beautiful.

I just find it odd no guys around here grab me as much as both HBB and my Aussie hottie have. I am on dating sites and I never make the move to meet any of the guys, it never feels right. I wonder if the guys around here are just less interesting, or maybe I just feel more comfortable without the physical contact side at first? Anyone else here find they have had multiple LDR's?

It depends in a way.

When I met my first 'girlfriend', I was between my junior n' senior year in high school. She was about to start her freshman year of high school. She was from the 'other side of the tracks'. Whereas, I come from a middle-class background. I wanted to treat her like a lady, but she just wanted to be a prankster. I did take her to a Jack Wagner concert, but I think she didn't even know who he was. It ended after three weeks, when her 'real' boyfriend was released from the county lockup. She had her best friend call me at 2am on a weekday, to tell me. It was obvious then, that they had no scruples about respecting other people. I was so ticked at her, for not only not telling me directly, that I insisted rather vehemently n' vocally she verbally verify the garbage. She got to the point of crying her eyes out, since I could here her in the background while her best friend was the one on the phone.

That relationship was local
(I ran into her mother five years later while going through the local metro system. Her mother told me that her daughter/my ex, had dropped out of high school, within weeks of the start of her freshman year of high school)

My next girlfriend was a woman, we were both adults at that time and co-workers. I was able to take her out to dinner a couple times and even learn about her ethnic culture. That also only lasted a month, but she was fun to be around.

That relationship was also local

The next woman I got involved with, actually pursued me, instead of the reverse. She asked me to go out with her. After the previous two experiences, I wanted this relationship to be 'for keeps'. I told her we would only date, if we eventually got married. She accepted that, we dated for five years(planned), and got married. I already had my concerns about her from day one before we even got married. Not like she was hiding a criminal record or anything bad like that. I noticed during the engagement, how she was treated like the 'ugly duckling', compared to her younger brother and younger step-siblings. By not just her step-mother. But also her father n' mother. On two separate occasions, I chewed out her step-mother, then mother, about the way they were treating her. I did notice how, she had been 'conditioned', to want that treatment from her parents'. After we were married for some time, I started cutting off the calls, when I would hear my (ex)wife arguing on the phone with them. When my (ex)wife refused to stand up for herself, when her parents' berated her, and told me she had every right to talk(talk is the operative word) to them. I threw up my arms in disgust. After four years she left me. After six months, I could have legally set a divorce process in motion, but she begged me not to. So, We remained married but separated for another three years before I had enough and filed. Her 'true colors' came to light at the divorce proceedings. Some family was their for emotional support. Following it being finalized, she started running around like a chicken with their head cut off, to EVERY female family member present on both sides, and balling her eyes out. I was so repulsed by this. Four years after I divorced her, she n' her family finally admitted to, what I had suspected for almost two decades, that there were some developmental issues they had kept a secret.

That also was local

The next relationship started online, and went CD within three months. We were totally honest with each other. She turned out to be, both a gem, and a pariah. We did plenty of fun things together(movies, concerts, dinners out, etch). Yet, When her mental health got out of sorts, she was tough to deal with. She would made wild statements about things, that I knew were not true.

She was both a life-saver(I have serious physical medical issues from birth that she reacted properly to in the emergencies), and hell-raiser(her mental health caused her to be severe abusive emotionally and verbally).

That relationship started online, and went to 'real-time'

The next two relationships were online and never went 'real-time'. Each only lasted a couple months.

One was a single-mom, who was constantly 'busy'. I rarely was able to talk to her.

The second was a single woman with major physical n' mental health problems. It bothered me, that she didn't seem to want to do anything about either problem. I even researched her physical health problems, but she didn't seem interested in looking for an answer to her situation. So I broke it off.

The present woman that I am in an LDR with, while long distance, has done far more for me, than all the other women combined. We have had our ups n' downs, but rarely an argument where someone would be hung up on.

LDRs' can seem 'safe', yet they are also risky if there is an CD potential to the relationship. At the same time, the same could be said for relationships' that are local.

[LilyChiba]

I just wanted to add that just because a person is 20, doesn't mean they might not be financially well off. I know people way older than that here who aren't. Age is but a number after you turn 18 and if you are set up right here, there's no reason you can't be well off. I was able to save up $1000 in 2 weeks on a casual job here because of the living situation I had before I went to visit my SO in April. So unless he's told you such, don't assume it.

As for LDRs, this is my third one, so I guess it's sometimes more comfortable. But I do miss the comforts of my CD relationships that I've had. And having spent 2 months with him to come back to a bunch of drama and house hunting, it's been insane. But he is there the best he can be. LDRs might test ya at times, but I think sometimes it brings a closer bond than that of CD just because of how much trust and effort you have to put in to maintain it. I'm not in any way lessening how CDs are, they are a task all on their own, just a different calibre.

[Tooki]

I just wanted to add that just because a person is 20, doesn't mean they might not be financially well off. I know people way older than that here who aren't. Age is but a number after you turn 18 and if you are set up right here, there's no reason you can't be well off. I was able to save up $1000 in 2 weeks on a casual job here because of the living situation I had before I went to visit my SO in April. So unless he's told you such, don't assume it.

As for LDRs, this is my third one, so I guess it's sometimes more comfortable. But I do miss the comforts of my CD relationships that I've had. And having spent 2 months with him to come back to a bunch of drama and house hunting, it's been insane. But he is there the best he can be. LDRs might test ya at times, but I think sometimes it brings a closer bond than that of CD just because of how much trust and effort you have to put in to maintain it. I'm not in any way lessening how CDs are, they are a task all on their own, just a different calibre.

I agree!

On the age topic, the minimum wage is a lot higher in Australia than in the US and assuming he still lives at home, it will be very easy for him to save up the money to come and visit you. Don't write him off because he is 20, I know 20 year olds who are great with money.

[Ejoriah]

My boyfriend is the third person I am dating from an online game I used to play. I know the feeling

[Zapookie]

Yeah just wanna say that at 20, I had 10,000 in savings after quitting my steady job. Hehe. Don't write him off just yet

[dizzyupthemeg]

This is my second LDR, and I actually know my SO because of my first. I would never say I am addicted to an LDR (as I hate them, I really do) but if for some reason things didn't work out with the current boy I wouldn't purposely avoid another LDR. I think most people avoid the distance because it scares them, but for those of us who have dealt with it before there isn't as much to be scared of.

[LadyDaemon]

All my boys have been writers on a Star Wars RP site, haha. This Aussie is also a writer there, though funny enough we met through FB when he was talking to one of the other writers I was friends with on FB, and he commented on his status. I think LadyDaemon got it right, for me too I feel in person the men are more stuck on "get the booty, get the booty!" than getting to know you. Online, there is no chance of that really so they instead get to know your personality. Men tend to get really aggressive with me as well in person, pushing me to do things that I am not comfortable with yet and I get very nervous and just laugh it off instead of saying no. Therefore I guess I am very nervous about meeting men in person unless I know them really well first. Sadly this Aussie boy is young (20) which means he is not financially well off, so I have no idea if it even could go anywhere, I just know I am in serious like with him.

You ever heard that phrase,"Don't knock it till you try it." I think that applies here. He might be 20,but I wouldn't exclude him or make any assumptions until you've tried things with him and seen for yourself what he's capable of doing financially or otherwise.

[XxFranticLovexX]

Hello, my name is Sarah. I meet boys in wow. >_>

LOL. That's great. XD