Bleh Bleh.....

[dandelion]

Hello

So I am from such country and culuture from where you can't go and stay or fly to your boyfriend and of course my family wasn't letting me go to fly to my boy by christmas. I am super sad becouse there is no another way we can see each other by 2014. His mom has invited me long ago but my parents are not letting me go there. My SO decided to write letter to my dad where he explained that we are going to be engaged next sumer and before it we want to meet and he wants me to show his lovely places, his family, friends and so on but even it doesnt work.....

Have you been in a such situation?

[Black_Halloween]

Uhh...what? Country and culture? That's not american culture, that's YOUR FAMILY doing that to you. Don't blame an entire country and "culture" for your misfortunes. My SO is from the south and I guarantee you, not everybody in the south is that overbearing. Secondly, you are 23 years old. You are old enough to do what you want to. If you make your own money, they cannot stop you.

Also, your SO writing a letter to your dad telling him whats what was not a smart move. Its disrespectful, which caused him to become even more overbearing. Your SO basically said "we dont care what you say we're gonna do this and this" and that's not a way to get on his good side.

[ThePiedPiper]

Uhh...what? Country and culture? That's not american culture, that's YOUR FAMILY doing that to you. Don't blame an entire country and "culture" for your misfortunes. My SO is from the south and I guarantee you, not everybody in the south is that overbearing. Secondly, you are 23 years old. You are old enough to do what you want to. If you make your own money, they cannot stop you.

Also, your SO writing a letter to your dad telling him whats what was not a smart move. Its disrespectful, which caused him to become even more overbearing. Your SO basically said "we dont care what you say we're gonna do this and this" and that's not a way to get on his good side.

Maybe she's from a different ethnic origin or is a first or second generation American? If not, then I agree with BH. The whole of America is hardly like you're describing, which is why I'm suspicious that you might be from a different culture entirely.

I also agree with BH on the letter front. Look at it from your father's perspective. He tells you you can't see your SO, so your SO writes him a letter. As opposed to being a respectable letter, your SO writes about how you two are going to be engaged next summer whether you meet or don't (which certainly is not the way to win over any parent suspicious of a LDR and even I, at 22, think it's a ridiculous idea to get engaged to someone you haven't ever met) and how he would rather meet you before proposing to you and therefore it's more imperative than not. It honestly would come across to me, if I were a parent, as abrasive and a bit rude, and probably crossing more boundaries than I asked to be crossed. I would think my daughter was handling the situation immaturely and that her boyfriend had absolutely no idea what he was getting into when it comes to marriage, because marriage is more than the romantic notion of falling in love with someone overseas and not even meeting or living together to confirm that it works. I think making an effort to get to know your parents via Skype or some other method would have been the better alternative.

That said, if you make your own money, and you're 23, then maybe it's a decision you have to make for you? If you don't or are still living at home, however, then I don't know why you're considering marriage when you haven't even had the time to step into your own and gain some real world independence first.

[dandelion]

Noo! I am not from America. I am from a country called Georgia.

And iu got it wrong.

In his letter he was asking my dad to let me go to him by christmas and he wrote that we have serious plans in the future and we are not only loves for some time..

[ThePiedPiper]

Noo! I am not from America. I am from a country called Georgia.

And iu got it wrong.

In his letter he was asking my dad to let me go to him by christmas and he wrote that we have serious plans in the future and we are not only loves for some time..

An American's sense of geography right there. At least I was half on it.

Yes, but imagine if it were you, and you had a daughter you were protective of and didn't want her to go meeting some boy she'd never met and you didn't know, so he sends you a letter saying he plans to get engaged to your daughter next summer but would like to meet before doing that. That does not communicate - at least not to any parent I know - that you have "serious plans and are loves forever, not for some time." That communicates something entirely different and to anyone who's experienced the world of ups, downs, and heartbreak, it communicates naivite more than sincerity, even if he had sincere intentions. What your SO might have meant might not have been read the same way by your father as by you.

Why can't your SO come see you? And like me and BH asked, do you not make your own money or live independently in such a way you can go visit your SO?

[dandelion]

Ohh its my fault i had to write from the begining..

We have seen each other twice in 1 year and 7 months, he was the one who came and saw me twice but now he cant come by 2014. during the second visit he was in my family too and everyone liked him, more, my parents and my brother loved him, it was cool evening.
The problem is that its just such culture in my country and religion but we thought that my dad will do some little changes to let me go and visit to him and his family before we go engaged, thats why my boy wrote him letter and asked to let me go to him for some weeks..

yes, there are lots of ups, downs, and hearbreaks in the world and no one know what will happen, that's why my father isnt let me go to him.. That's our traditions that is making me super sad.

[dandelion]

That said, if you make your own money, and you're 23, then maybe it's a decision you have to make for you? If you don't or are still living at home, however, then I don't know why you're considering marriage when you haven't even had the time to step into your own and gain some real world independence first.

I have my own money but not enough to get visa i need my family's help..

[ThePiedPiper]

I have my own money but not enough to get visa i need my family's help..

Can you save? Or find work? I think it would help us understand a little more if instead if saying "due to my family's traditions" or "due to my culture," you explained a little bit about what that means. I mean being fair, I thought you meant American Georgia so it's obvious I'm a bit ignorant. I don't know enough about your traditions or culture to give you advice, so maybe you could clarify what traditions specifically are getting in the way of your relationship?

[digitalfever]

How does your family deal with male/female relations? Are the males in your family open to having the women work outside the home? If so is it possible to apply to general labour positions such as cleaning or retail work?

[dandelion]

Yes, i got.

Our traditions in that question mean:
when you have boyfriend you cant stay with him at night, you cant live with him before you are engaged or married.

My boyfriend is from england and all these traditions are super different there, but he is still cool and he is getting me, my family, my traditions, but we had hope that when my father knows about our plans for future he would let me go for christmas to stay with my boys family for some days..

[dandelion]

How does your family deal with male/female relations? Are the males in your family open to having the women work outside the home? If so is it possible to apply to general labour positions such as cleaning or retail work?

People are let to go abroad for working, for studing, for visiting another country's as a tourist, but my father is saying it's different.. if i go to him it will mean i am going to him and not as a tourist.

super silly.......

[Malaga]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgia_(country)

It may be hard for a lot of us here to understand the non-Western circumstances, as they never had any experience with it. Things are not always so simple as get a job and move out then do what you want, unless you want to be shunned. My friend is engaged (long distance) to a girl from Tunisia, he's met her parents and they approve of the marriage. Even so, she cannot travel to him yet and when he visits, they don't sleep in the same house. They're both in their 30s with steady jobs.

I guess you should keep talking to your Dad and try to find a compromise. What about going to the UK with a family member, would your Dad be OK with that? Maybe your Mum or your brother could go with you? Or even your Dad?

[digitalfever]

People are let to go abroad for working, for studing, for visiting another country's as a tourist, but my father is saying it's different.. if i go to him it will mean i am going to him and not as a tourist.

super silly.......

Can you guys meet in another country?

[dandelion]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgia_(country)

It may be hard for a lot of us here to understand the non-Western circumstances, as they never had any experience with it. Things are not always so simple as get a job and move out then do what you want, unless you want to be shunned. My friend is engaged (long distance) to a girl from Tunisia, he's met her parents and they approve of the marriage. Even so, she cannot travel to him yet and when he visits, they don't sleep in the same house. They're both in their 30s with steady jobs.

I guess you should keep talking to your Dad and try to find a compromise. What about going to the UK with a family member, would your Dad be OK with that? Maybe your Mum or your brother could go with you? Or even your Dad?

Yes. I am like in a same situation.
I have to try and talk to him again.. my mother wants me to go to him super much and so do my sisters (they are older then me) but..
And no i think going with my family member isn't good idea..

Can you guys meet in another country?

We can't yet becouse he doesnt have holiday from work until 2014 and money too for traveling. If he had he would come to me again..
When he has holiday and money too we can go only in that way if i go with my friend or friends and then we can meet somewhere in different country..

[Black_Halloween]

Noo! I am not from America. I am from a country called Georgia. .

PAHAHAHAHAHA omg i'm sooo sorry!! That goes to show how wordly I am.