Going through hard times . .

[SarahLouiise]

Im really struggling with this LDR at the moment. I'm the sort of girl that needs A LOT of attention, not physical but with txs, emails ect.
Me & my boyfriend have been arguing a lot lately. as messed up as its sounds, i know if i cause an argument he'll give me the attention i want (no need to cuss, i know I'm wrong).
Now i think he's completely lost all feelings for me. Ive changed, but i think its too late .
Ive just sent him a long letter telling him how he makes me feel, how i felt when we 1st got to see each other & stuff but i dont know if its going to work.
We live 5,500 miles from each other. Im going over there in 8weeks but i want to get this fixed before i go.
Do you think i should leave him & wait for him to contact me? When we dont talk for a few days because his phones cut off & talk again were SO close! Maybe i should give him the chance to miss me & stop bothering him but im scared he'll think im not interested & find someone else. (Trust isnt an issue).
Any advice?

[LadyMarchHare]

Well, at least you know you're in the wrong for the behavior, so that's a start.

Have you told him you need more attention than he's giving, and why? Usually if the person has a good excuse for needing the extra TLC the other will at least try obliging. I'd also tell him it's the reason behind you picking fights and that it's not that there's truly a problem. Unless he knows that, chances are he's gonna believe he's in the wrong with something or your behavior's becoming irrational because he can't figure out why you're acting a certain way. Also, what makes you think he's lost feelings for you? Has he been contacting you less, not expressing affection as much/at all, what? Unless there's obvious signs I would just contribute it to worry.

In this sort of case, the buttering up with that letter most likely won't work as it doesn't solve any problems at hand. Instead it's kind of confusing. That's like if a friend slaps you for a while over the course of, say, a month, then tells you you're their best friend ever and how much your friendship means to them. Sort of that elementary mentality of annoying/harassing the one you like because you're not old enough to know better and then telling them you like them, it's confusing to the other person.

Like I said, I would talk to him about this specific problem and how you both can work on it together so there aren't any other misunderstandings and no one's resorting to picking silly fights just to have attention or hear from the other person.

[SarahLouiise]

He doesnt really contact me a lot , doesnt call me all the nice cute names he use to & just doesnt feel like he cares as much as he use to.
He use to tell me he loved me loads & how much i ment to him. But i dont get that anymore. He still tells me he loves me but its not as often as he use to.
He works 8am - 7pm & has a sleeping problem, one minute he can be wide awake the next minute hell be in dreamland so i know he sleeps alot.
Im going to email him later & tell him the reason ive been doing this stuff.
He likes me writing letters, well i wrote him a card & hid it in his car before we got out to go to the airport so i thought a surprise letter would be a good idea.
I mentioned how i could have dinner made for when he gets home from work as he'll be working when i go over to america & he said "id love that baby, i cant wait" so im guessing he still wants me to go over. Its so hard : (

[LadyMarchHare]

I don't think it's that he loves you any less. A lot of guys that I've known tend to usually assume the girl knows they care and so after a while they either cut down on the frequency or stop saying it, thinking nothing's unusual. If he's busy with work or school that may attribute to the lessening of contact. I know I initiate contact via text all the time because of my guy's job, it's just something that happens. Plus, if guys have nothing to say then they aren't gonna pick up the phone and call. My SO told me once he envies women because they can sit together for hours and talk about nothing and with guys they just tend to sit there awkwardly and conversation is pretty stunted. That might be another thing to bring up, the noticeable lack of contact and the small things such as nicknames and telling you "I love you." It's part of the attention you're asking he give.

[SarahLouiise]

That message ment so much! Thank youuu!! .. Your so right & that last message has made me feel so much better .. I think ill leave him to hang out with friends & contact him monday, unless he contacts me .. Thanks again : )

[*Georgia Peach*]

I agree with the March Hare. You definately should tell him why you're acting the way you are, because that may be why he's withdrawing some. A lot of guys I know will withdraw from their girlfriends when they can't figure them out. It's not that he loves you any less, he's just confused by your behavior. Once you guys talk, I'm sure things will pick back up again. I REALLY hope things work out for you guys! *hugs*

[SarahLouiise]

I agree with the March Hare. You definately should tell him why you're acting the way you are, because that may be why he's withdrawing some. A lot of guys I know will withdraw from their girlfriends when they can't figure them out. It's not that he loves you any less, he's just confused by your behavior. Once you guys talk, I'm sure things will pick back up again. I REALLY hope things work out for you guys! *hugs*

Thank you - yeah, im going to tell him : ) .. Ill write him an email today .. Fingers crossed we'll sort things out x

[COgrl789]

I agree with everyone above. But if things still don't change, I think you should withdraw as well. For a little, something that he won't expect you to do. As of now, it seems like he coasted into a comfort zone with you. He knows that you will be available for him anytime and this may be the reason. I know its scary to think he may leave you but you need to show that your not needy and you will not take this behavior. Try disappearing a couple days (something a little unusual than before) and see his reaction. I'm pretty sure he's gonna be thinking "what's going on?" and try to contact you in some way. I know how it is cause I went through it as well.

And plus this gives you some time to think about yourself and your needs. Clear out your mind so when you do talk to him your thoughts will be clear. This will make you look more confident. Don't yell, scream, and/or cry just talk calmly about when he does things and how that makes you feel. Also, try to figure out and understand what's going on with him.

Hope that helps!

[MTK]

I would suggest giving him some space but i wouldn't recommend disappearing on him. That might bring along a whole new set of problems, rather tell him that you are going to take a couple of days "off" so to speak and let him know that you won't be texting him or anything so he won't start worrying like crazy.
And telling him the reason for your behaviour is the top priority so he can understand you better.

[paulawriteslove]

I like getting a lot of attention from my boyfriend as well. But he is very busy with work and other things, so I don't get all the attention that I would like. The best advice I can give you is to tell him how you're feeling.

[SarahLouiise]

Told him why i was acting the way i have been & he was sooo understanding .. We spoke for 18hrs non-stop ..
It was amazing .. Thank you so much everyone : ) x

[LadyMarchHare]

I'm glad to hear that. I hope that means things clear up between you.

[valentinekitty]

I'm so pleased for you. I've just read through this thread and I've been itching to post, because this is all so familiar to me.

I told my SO all about my 'spoilt brat', as I call her, and explained that when I feel like I'm not getting enough attention she steps in and creates a fuss, and that's why I would overreact to things. Now we have talked about it, we have been able to turn it into a joke and if he feels the 'spoilt brat' coming out he'll tell me he's not talking to her and that he want Kitty back. This just makes me laugh and shuts her up. Then because we are laughing we are both giving each other lots of attention, but the nice kind and not the stroppy kind. I'm so glad that I told him about her. Now it's very rare that she makes an appearance, and when she does Big Dog knows just what to say to get rid of her. It makes me feel like we are a team.

Talking about it is always the way to go.

With Great Love,

Kitty
x

[SarahLouiise]

lOl .. Its good that you've turn it into a joke .. I wish we did that, it probly would've stopped so many arguments ..
Things feel like they're back to normal but ill take each day as it comes .. Im normally really paranoid when he goes out because his friend isnt a nice person but my boyfriend hasnt been hanging out with him (dont know why) so its made things better .. x

[lilygreeneyes]

I have this issue with my SO too. Sometimes it feels like we constantly have the conversation of "I don't feel like you're paying much attention to me." I know part of it is me, cause I struggle with abandonment issues. And I know part of it is him cause, well he's a guy, they aren't always great at expressing themselves lol. But I've started realizing that this is just something we have to keep working on. Maybe he and I will never get this exactly perfect but I do know he is willing to *try* to keep making me happy and I'm willing to keep trying to get over my issues, and I think that's what matters.

I'm sooooo happy to hear you and your SO have talked about this and things are looking up. Just keep in mind that sometimes the willingness to *try* can show just as much caring and dedication as the actual execution