Okay so..

[sploofmoof]

I don't know how many of you read my last forum topic about me and my SO, but today we've talked and everything and she decided that she's been stretched too thin lately and stressed out, she says she doesn't think we can be together and that she wants to see where her feelings go with another guy. I feel obligated to say that, she's been feeling things about him because recently I had been depressed pretty badly at the same time that she was...which made her whole situation worse and she couldn't rely on me to be strong for her...so she confided in him. So I understand that it's because of me that her feelings are there. And he would also be a long distance friend, not someone there physically with her.

I haven't given up on her yet, I can tell in her voice when we talk on the phone that she still loves me. If she didn't still want to be with me she wouldn't be so hurt would she? I couldn't be strong for her before, but I sure as hell can now.

It's so complicated...but does anyone have any thoughts or helpful tips? Please don't suggest that I leave her because I will outright tell you right now, that's not going to happen until I know that she herself is actually sure about not wanting me to be with her...right now I know she's hurt and even though I desperately want to be with her I've tried giving her some space...I'm sending flowers with a card however, and a love letter I'm working on soon enough, I'm hoping it won't be smothering.

[MTK]

I am not sure i understand, has she broken up with you?
Sorry if that seems like a silly question but i couldn't quite tell from your post :/

[sploofmoof]

She's told me that she doesn't think we should be together, she hasn't actually said the words we're broken up. But it was implied. In short, she's broken up with me because of stress and so many other factors all them except the most important one being we haven't fallen out of love. Just everything has gotten so confusing at such a bad time..

[MTK]

Ok, well. Have you considered that sending love letters and flowers might make her feel more stressed? Adding more stress to her situation that way. I am not saying that you shouldn't do your all to try and convince her that you two are made for each other if that is what you are aiming for.
But on the other hand it may be best for the both of you to get some space and perspective to this situation.

I will say that i sincerely doubt that it is your fault that those feelings of hers are of your doing. I think that is some feelings that she has been harboring for a long time, in my opinion.

[sploofmoof]

That's possible, thanks for the advice..

[MTK]

You can of course keep contact with her and still remind her that you are there and that you are not going anywhere. Unless she expresses that she doesn't like that. I mean, it all depends on your actions and how she reacts to them. You know her better then anyone, right? Do you have an idea to what could be the right way approach to her?

[sploofmoof]

I'm doing the very best that I can to respect her space when she's upset. But like what I'm doing, the flowers and small gifts to remind her of how much I love her. And hopefully the fact that I'm not giving up is a good approach. She sometimes needs someone to be the one to tell her that she's overreacting. Which she is doing to an extent, but in a way that makes sense really. It's hard to explain EVERYTHING going on, but I'm trying to remind her of how amazing it was when I was there with her for 7 days. It was right after that, when I was forced to leave and we had both been depressed things took a turn for the worse, tried to explain that it wouldn't be forever and that I was planning on moving at the end of this year.

I'd move out there even just to be there for her, even if it meant we weren't going to BE together. She's not just the person I love more than anyone/anything she's my best friend in the whole world. And if anything is going to remind her of how it was when we were together, being there physically will. She once told me that being a little selfish is normal in a relationship, it shows how much you want the other person and it lets you retain a part of your identity even through your changes for the other person.

[Riyko]

I hate to say this and I may seem harsh, but it's what I get from what you've posted. She has feelings for someone else and wants to see how they play out, to me it sounds like she doesn't love you or she's not in love with you. Also you say she doesn't think you two will work out, but in short she broke up with you it reads to me that you two aren't together anymore.

Personally I don't think sending flowers, a card and love letters will make anything better and it could make it worse, right now I think the best thing to do would be to give her space and let her think about what she wants but let her know that you are there for her if she needs you. If she really loves you and thinks what she wants is a mistake then she will come back to you.

[LadyMarchHare]

While I understand you both being depressed can wedge more distance, emotionally, between you I don't see how her feelings could suddenly shift towards someone else unless she had already begun liking him or her feelings for you were not that strong to begin with. I've had many instances where my SO and I end up upset at the same time and I've confided in guys before or been around guys that make me feel better while I'm depressed but I don't start crushing on them. Sad to say it sounds like you had/have a case of "she's just not that into you."

Basically at this point I think talking this out with her once you've both calmed down is the smarter way to go. If she genuinely doesn't want to to be together anymore and isn't simply blowing smoke, let her go. Be her friend, be there for her, but don't push something she doesn't want anymore on her, there's a line between not giving up and being a tad obsessive in retaining them. All the same, I wish you the best of luck.

[sploofmoof]

Yeah, I understand what you guys are saying. I tend to type to the extreme of what I'm thinking rather than what's actually best. And considering that this just happened tonight, the feelings are still rather fresh. Haven't had time to think them through properly...and to be honest I sent the flowers yesterday before this happened, I'll be holding off on the other things because it's for the best for right now. I'll just stay there for her and see how things play out (she's said there's still a chance, however that we can still be together), sometimes there isn't anything you can do I suppose..I know all of this makes her sound mean and me sound desperate but sometimes it's hard to explain.

I do hope things can work out between us in some way or another. I'm calling it a night though, thanks everyone for your honest input.