Advice perhaps?

[lunacide]

Greetings! My name is Luna, and quite obviously I'm a new member here. I found the list of (then 92) things to do from a distance and was inspired by the fantastic ideas.

Which brings me to the point of this lovely thread.

I am depressed, not as in moody or emo, I mean clinically depressed. Thoughts of suicide yatta yatta. And my boyfriend, Ryan, seems to be the only one, if anyone, who can cheer me up. In fact, the catalyst to our relationship was him stopping me from killing myself. I've gotten to the point of needing cheering up from him everyday. But the same old thing gets very old, as I'm sure a lot of you can understand.

I've been fortunate enough to meet him once (last summer) in person, but it wasn't an easy task. The flight out was ridiculously long and his family was not the most supportive group in terms of transportation as California is really stretched out. You have to go five miles in order to get to one thing etc etc. He is trying to get a job right now so he can get some money to fly out here for my graduation this year. He has never left the state and I think it will be fantastic for him to be in a totally different environment than the desert. Ryan and I are very committed to our relationship and plan on getting married in the near future (probably after we both graduate college, but either way). He gave me a promise ring and everything and I trust him with my life (and heart). The distance just takes it toll sometimes.

Getting back to my main topic, my depression has made our relationship quite difficult at times because I'll be so upset over nothing that I won't even be able to maintain a conversation with him. We've both tried the usual googling of "how to cheer sad girlfriend up" but the results are always "give her a kiss and a hug and cuddle with her on the sofa and watch a movie and go shopping with her and make her dinner and take her on a date to her favorite food place and...." you get the idea.

Is there any advice some of you more experienced couples have?
Thank you so much in advance, anything is welcome and you will be helping me with a two year problem.

(PS I apologize that this is so long and wordy, but everything is an essential detail.)

[NaNi]

How about sending love letters? Care packages? Something to look forward to in the mail and it would also show that you two care about each other. You could also watch a movie together while being on webcam. It's not the same as cuddling up on the couch, but it's the best LDR couples can do. With the dinner idea - I thought about ordering something online and have it delivered to my SO house. If you have a credit card it's mostly no problem.

[lunacide]

Ah, yes, mailing things never seems to work. As I mentioned he lives in California, so his whole family is doing bad on money right now. Anything he gets I'm practically begging him to save it up. And I don't have a bank card. I was meant to get one when I was sixteen but...never happened. So ordering things off the internet doesn't work.

We used to send letter regularly, and I'm trying to start that up again. And the movie idea is a good one, I'm really considering that we try that again only really intensify it (popcorn and candies :]) We did watch Sweeney Todd together though. Awesome movie...oh, and we watch TV regularly.

Thanks for the tips :]

[NaNi]

I'm sorry I can't think of anything better - I have the same problem! I always want to think of exciting new stuff, but it mostly doesn't happen. The distance (11500+ miles) just makes it that much harder.

[lunacide]

Wow, thanks still! Best of luck in your ldr!

[NaNi]

Aw, thank you! You too!

[noodle]

Take naps together! I tell you its magical ^__^ (at least for me)
Or also just lie on the bed while camin, like both of you, as if you were snugglin with each other it works for me and my bf, actually it feels as if he's there, its crazy I cant describe this feelin
And like yea if I was him I'd send you a teddy so you have somethin to cuddle with all the time and stuff but I know from my bf that due to money its harder, especially with us cause Im overseas so postal stuff is even more expensive >_> and I dont want him to end up payin like $50 to the postal office if the teddy itself costed only 10, you know what I mean?
What you can also do is maybe take pics of each other What I did is take a pic of me and then added "I love you <3" on photoshop and send it to my bf a few days ago cause he was down and it made him smile
I usually go for the pics and stuff and my bf writes poems or songs, when he used to have more time at college he even played songs on his bass for me that he made up in his mind by just thinkin of me I loved it
So be creative! Feel free to express your feelings either by writing stories, poems, songs or love letters

[lunacide]

Actually he did send me a teddy! On our first anniversary! He thought I'd put it on a shelf, but oooh no.
We have webcams so that's how we usually do pictures. We used to take a lot of them, but thats old now lol.

I'm intrigued by the napping idea...how exactly would we go about that?

[SarahLouiise]

My boyfriend lives in California too .. & i live in London ..
I dont know if you save your conversations but reading our 1st conversation always makes me feel amazing ..
& other chats we've had online : ) .. x

[LadyMarchHare]

I'm bipolar, so I know the whole constantly and insanely depressed issue as well as being suicidal. It's a very hard thing to deal with especially if the one you're dating has never experienced actual clinical depression since it's not something you can just totally understand after reading articles.

Because my guy isn't around as much as I'd like (work) it's been up to me to cheer myself up. If you guys talk via an IM service like AIM or MSN a lot, I'd change your settings so the service starts saving your conversations in an IM archive. This helps when you miss them or need them and they can't be there right now, so you can 'relive' old funny conversations or read all the times he's tried comforting you. Another to try is when you do get down and he's there, maybe have him talk about his day or just ramble. Ask him to talk about anything to get your mind away from yourself as, with my experience, depression tends to make you selfish and forget people care. I know you said it's hard to maintain conversation with him sometimes, so just having him talk might be good since you won't be forced to answer, just listen/read. Me, I take comfort in my guy's presence alone, but then again I've never met my SO so I suppose it's different when you do and talking doesn't seem to be enough anymore.

As for the suicide, I actually found it helps to force myself to think of him (again it being I've noticed one tends to be self-centered in these moments) and when I say to myself, "I want to die" I then ask, "well then who would take care of him? I can't go yet, we haven't done this or this and that's not fair to me."

I'm not entirely sure what you guys can do together beyond just asking he try and be strong in these moments and understand it's not something you can control and maybe have him start saving up funny videos or jokes or movies for times like these. Whether or not the humor works, at least you know he's trying and isn't giving up. Question though, are you on anything for the depression or seeing a psychiatrist or therapist?

[lunacide]

Thats fantastic! Thank you so much!

I plan on trying to see a doctor soon, but as of now I'm not.

[LadyMarchHare]

If you need any help when you do start going to one, hit me up on here. I've been through my share of doctors. Word to the wise: don't take Cymbalta. That pill has a nasty reputation and for good reason. And don't expect the pill to cure you entirely, it can only do so much and you have to meet it halfway.

[noodle]

Actually he did send me a teddy! On our first anniversary! He thought I'd put it on a shelf, but oooh no.
We have webcams so that's how we usually do pictures. We used to take a lot of them, but thats old now lol.

I'm intrigued by the napping idea...how exactly would we go about that?

well waht you do is basically lie on the bed as if you are goin to take a nap, pull your latpop as close as possible (or cam if you have a PC) to you (not super face close that he sees every single facial hair but you know like close enough that lets say he can see your face only or maybe head + upper body)
then you just snuggle up in your bed and stare at each other or do whatever you feel like, my bf and i sometimes just stare at each other untill we both close our eyes and fall asleep, sometimes we whisper to each other how much we love each other and how badly we'd really like to have each other right here, than again what I did a few days ago, he closes his eyes (actually really wants to sleep cause he's tired cause of work) i wait a few secs and then go all nuts like "chris chris chirs listen i have to tell you somethin!!!" and when hes like whaaaat Im like I love you ^__^ or like somethin else, and then we just start laughin.
and well the purpose of it is, even if theres a huge distance between you, you still fall asleep seeing him and wake up seeing him, and since its only a nap its just an approximately an hour
I can say that I personally love doing this, its so intimate and it really feels as if he was right there I can only recommend doin that

[SarahLouiise]

The best way to send gifts is buy them online from a place that will deliver to your partners address.
Amazon.com do free shipping so it wont cost you as much : )

[loveonspeedial]

As you mentioned about money, you could sell some uneeded stuff via ebay and have the money go into a paypal and use that money to buy stuff online. That's what I did cause my account is WAYYY overdrafted, I started selling books I didn't read, etc and made some decent not great but decent amount on ebay and i've bought stuff like fabric and made pillows out of it and mailed it out. Most stores have greeting cards for less then a dollar. The dollar store is a great place to buy gifts, seriously.