telling my mum about my boyfriend this weekend...

[xsomanymilesx]

okay so we've been together 10 months almost... and i have yet to tell my mum. there are two reasons for this

1. out of fear - when i was 14 i met my first serious boyfriend who was 16 at the time, she had a problem with the age gap and the fact i was still in highschool and he in college, she completely cut contact and went mad at me, took my phone and laptop off me.

2. this past school year has been my final year in highschool, so between coursework and revision for my terminal exams in may (the results determine if i go to college or not) she really really didnt want boys to distract me. which is understandable.

anyways, i'm 17 on the 2nd of september and my boyfriend (who is 18) is coming over for a week to visit (he's staying in a hotel with his dad) on the 24th of october. so i'm thinkin i should tell her now so she has time to get used to the idea, but i still have some fears.

1. that she will react in the same way she did when i was 14

2. she will try and stop me from seeing him in october - if worst comes to worst id litterally escape from my house to be with him...

preferibly, i dont want things to come to that, i just want my family to accept my boyfriend because he is such a nice and respectable person and i'm proud hes mine.

sooo, advice...

since ive left it kindof late to do the whole ' i have a friend in canada... i think i like this friend... now we're dating' thing.... i was wondering how is the best way to tell her? and what to do if she freaks out at me like she did when i was 14?

i have 5 days before i'm telling her, me and her are going on a vacation to cornwall and the drive is 8 hours so i'm thinking its the perfect oppertunity to tell her??

your adivce would be SO appriciated!

[Kirschlein]

In my opinion you should try to go on slowly to the topic. Talk to her at first about something else and come slowly to the topic. Just ask something like: "Mom, what if i have a boyfriend?"
That makes it not too obvious and you will see her first reaction. Depending on this reaction you can slowly go on and tell her that you found someone. If her reaction was bad then i would ask her why and try to make her think about it. Because you are only talking overall about it, she won't take it serious i guess. And so she won't freak at you in first place. Afterwards you can still think of a way to tel her directly.

I wish you good luck with it!
I hope the best!

[xsomanymilesx]

yeah that is good adivce might try that actually , like asking her the question. were in the car for around 8 hours anyway so

[paulawriteslove]

In my opinion you should try to go on slowly to the topic. Talk to her at first about something else and come slowly to the topic. Just ask something like: "Mom, what if i have a boyfriend?"

I agree with this. Once you see her reaction you can determine how quickly you want to tell her. Another idea is you can always say that you met a friend online and it just so happens he's coming to your town for vacation, and while he's here you can say we just clicked, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. Good luck!

[LadyMarchHare]

If she wants to react the same way as before, tell her you aren't the same person you were then. You've grown up even though you've still got growing to do, you matured, and you've made sure that this guy is who he says he is, you trust him, and you want her to be able to as well.

As for breaking the ice, Kirschlien has the right idea. You don't want to blurt out "so I've been seeing this guy.." because that's just too much right at once. When I told my mom, I basically started off with, "hey mom, I need to talk to you about something, and you have to promise to hear me out before you say anything, OK?"

Give her the option of talking to him either before or during this visit, heck even make the suggestion she meet his dad since he's coming along. So long as you try and give her the option to get to know him and determine firsthand what she thinks of him I can't see there being a huge problem. The age gap isn't huge, you're both young adults/adults (I'm not sure what age they consider an adult there) and obviously you two have been handling a mature relationship well. If it had been going badly the tragedy would have bled into your home life and made it obvious.

[xsomanymilesx]

thanks for the advice so far its been really good.

@paulawriteslove - i think it will be too obvious that we are more than friends, you see he lives in canada and i england, so he wouldnt just randomly visit my town - that could possibly be believable if i lived in london since loads of tourists go there, but where i live, not so much. so i think i should just tell her because i think i have left it too long to start the whole ' i have a friend thing ' and plus i kindof just wanna get everything out in the open

@LadyMarchHare - i think thats some good advice also, he gets here on the last day of term of college, so i want her to come with me to the train station to meet them, so she will definitely meet his dad which i think will put her at ease... hopefully. i just want it to all work out and i dont want things to kick off like last time..

[Bluestars]

If I were you, I would not think about it too much until you tell her. I know you are scared, but it has to be done. It sounds like the people here have some good advice, and like Lady March Hare said, you are more mature than you were at age 14. Luckily, you are telling your mom around a month before he comes instead of the day before, so even if she isn't happy about it right away, she will still have time to cool down and change her mind. Just come up with a list of objections that she might make, and then come up with answers for them beforehand so that you will seem prepared Good luck! Keep us updated

[xsomanymilesx]

thanks i will keep you updated, if my mum doesnt burn my laptop :P

i am trying to think of comebacks for everything but i really wish someone could hold my hand when i tell her or tell her for me! :P

[Darth_Taco]

Well, how are your grades? Might wanna show her your grades to show some proof that you can handle a boyfriend and schoolwork. If your grades haven't been great or have gotten worse since you got together with your boyfriend I'm going to have to side with your mom there.

Ok, as for how to tell her. Again, if you have decent grades then have those as a back-up. You might want to bring up that you can't get pregnant over the internet :'D. Since his dad is coming too, you can mention he'll be there to help cockblock you both :P. That's assuming you have no intention to start a sexual relationship yet. If you do, bring up birth control XP. Best not to lie about that.

Don't tell her while she's driving! I told my mom once that my brother was showing suicidal tendencies while she was driving and she almost crashed the car. Definitely do it during alone time. Unless she has a history of beating you (not accusing your mother of anything!), it's best not to add public pressure. Make sure you have plenty of time to talk. Have responses ready other than your love for him. You need something concrete showing that you can handle a relationship and school. If she asks why you didn't mention him sooner, be honest (and word it correctly). She didn't react well to your first relationship, and you were afraid to disappoint her (sounds better than a fear she'll say no).

[xsomanymilesx]

my grades a pretty good, like, i get A's in most things except math and spanish - which i know ive failed; and she knows ive failed because ive always been bad at them... and besides im going to college this september and im doing stuff i want to do... so i dont think it will be an issue.

and i dont think that will even enter her mind about the sex thing since its the first time we are meeting and im kindof gonna bend the truth a bit and say weve been talking for a few months - rather than a year...

but i think you have good adivce about the dissapointment thing
im definitely gonna take all your advice on board!