we had a fight...

[jamjam_7]

We had a fight last night because I feel like both of us have been slacking off on our relationship and I don't want us to be te like we were in the past. I told him that we are long distance, so pics and Skype and little things are all we have til we see each other again. I need advice, am I making too big a deal of this? I just want him to do his part like he promised.

[lyonsgirl]

You shouldn't get mad at him for not doing what he promised if you're not either. Now, if you got mad at yourself for not following through, that's something different. You may not want you to be like you were in the past - but does he feel the same way? Does he know that you feel this way?

I guess I don't see the point in getting angry at your partner - especially when in-person visits are infrequent - on something like "you didn't call me when you said you would" or something like that.

[RachelAnne]

I tell my boyfriend the same thing--phone calls, skype dates, and pictures mean everything since that's all we have. If you both want to stay strong, you should both be willing to put forth some effort into the relationship. Just talk to him about it and tell him how you feel and see what he says. Good luck!

[jamjam_7]

I have been making an effort, I just feel like sometimes he doesnt do the same. And it might be stupid but we are long distance and little things are all we have when we dont see each other much. And he says the reason why is work, but i work too and go to school and i still always make time for him.

[oxytocinbite]

I think he should make more time for you as well and it was dumb to turn It into a huge fight. My boyfriend does not have a job at the moment, but when he did he was working late and long hours but still made time for me even though he was getting around 4 hours of sleep most nights.

I don't think you did anything wrong telling him that you would appreciate more skype time and pictures. Things like that make the distance easier, but you need to not slack off as well. It's both of you that need to work on it,

[lyonsgirl]

I have been making an effort, I just feel like sometimes he doesnt do the same. And it might be stupid but we are long distance and little things are all we have when we dont see each other much. And he says the reason why is work, but i work too and go to school and i still always make time for him.

There will always be the feeling that "he doesn't do as much as I do". Always, even after you've closed the distance. Why? Because he's a boy. I recall someone posting somewhere (recently? maybe?) there's a 60/40 rule. You each have to put in 60% effort to the relationship. Your 60% is different than his, but your 60% may include "initiating conversation". I know mine does.

From where I see it, I guess you have two options.
1) Stew about this and make it a way bigger deal than it ever needs to become and keep fighting about it, and run the risk of ruining your relationship (not trying to say you will, but it's a strong possibility if you choose this option)
2) Once you've talked about it - ONCE - let it go. Move on. And, most importantly: don't bring it up again. I'm guilty of doing this, and yes, it's hard. But letting go of past issues is important for a healthy relationship (LD or CD).

[LadyDaemon]

There will always be the feeling that "he doesn't do as much as I do". Always, even after you've closed the distance. Why? Because he's a boy. I recall someone posting somewhere (recently? maybe?) there's a 60/40 rule. You each have to put in 60% effort to the relationship. Your 60% is different than his, but your 60% may include "initiating conversation". I know mine does.

From where I see it, I guess you have two options.
1) Stew about this and make it a way bigger deal than it ever needs to become and keep fighting about it, and run the risk of ruining your relationship (not trying to say you will, but it's a strong possibility if you choose this option)
2) Once you've talked about it - ONCE - let it go. Move on. And, most importantly: don't bring it up again. I'm guilty of doing this, and yes, it's hard. But letting go of past issues is important for a healthy relationship (LD or CD).

This. I'd also like to point out though that your job and his job are different. He may have a more intensive job then you do and may work different or more hours. That's something to take into account. But really,talk to him about it. There's no reason to make this a big thing to the point it ruins your relationship.

[jamjam_7]

We talked it out and both got over it. It was stupid to let it lead to a fight but we are both very stubborn when it comes to our own point of views.