Oh burn. Calling it off.

[noodle]

I would be carefull on your side.
The same happened to a friend of mine, he started talkin with a girl and she said she was in her mid 20s instead of mid 30s they met and started datin (no offense to the asians but she was asian and imo they all look young even if they're 40 ^^) so yea a few months later she told him and he was shocked and broke up he couldnt handle it even if he really loved her
I mean you can still be friends with him or talk to him every once in a while or whenever you decided you want to, I mean thats up to you
but please be carefull

[LadyMarchHare]

Unfortunately it's not his first large lie, which is why I'm feeling particularly stupid. He initially sent me pictures of himself that were out of date and before he gained a considerable amount of weight. It was some time before I stumbled across a photo of him in his local newspaper when he graduated from a program. I went looking for that not because I suspected anything but because I figured there might be something in the paper (small town, brand new government funded program) and thought it would be nice. So it was a bit of a shock. But, I could kind of see where he was coming from, self conscious and all that, so I forgave him and we moved on. At the time I asked if there was anything else he needed to tell me and he said no, so it's not like he hasn't had opportunity.

I found out Monday evening, so I've had some time and it's not really the shock talking. That's the reason I haven't asked him about it yet - I wanted to let it settle first. When the picture thing first happened I went to him right away and was just in such shock that I didn't have any idea what I wanted.

As for his life, it's certainly more suited to someone in his 20s... He is living in his grandma's basement, although he does now have a decent job. Previously he was working on a farm, but he did that CNA and medaid course and is now working at a nursing home.

Editing this because I wanted to add that I will be confronting him, likely on Friday.

But no, I'm not underage. It appears what happened is that he originally lied to my one time friend and then since I knew him during that period (and she told me all about him too of course, both good and bad) there was no way to change his tune without admitting he lied. I don't know what the original motivation was. I do know that he was recently out of a long term relationship with a woman that he walked in on having sex with another man. Very traumatic, no doubt, but no excuse for going on the internet and misrepresenting yourself to a 19 year old girl (my friend was that age at the time she met him). Gross.

Well I can see there's definitely a reason behind the lies but it doesn't excuse them, especially this being just a number in a line of falsehoods made about himself.

As for his lifestyle, to me that's grounds enough. At that age, I personally believe you need to get your act together especially in a relationship. My SO made a point to work hard enough to get his own place instead of living with 3 roommates for the both of us, he's 27. Anyway, that's solely my opinion as I would rather not date someone older who does not have some form of life suitable for their age even if they're working 2 jobs to maintain it.

And yeah I agree someone that old going after a 19 year old is pretty, well, alarming. People with huge age gaps have relationships all the time but since you guys met through a game that sort of says volumes about him mentally.

[HMA]

Well I can see there's definitely a reason behind the lies but it doesn't excuse them, especially this being just a number in a line of falsehoods made about himself.

As for his lifestyle, to me that's grounds enough. At that age, I personally believe you need to get your act together especially in a relationship. My SO made a point to work hard enough to get his own place instead of living with 3 roommates for the both of us, he's 27. Anyway, that's solely my opinion as I would rather not date someone older who does not have some form of life suitable for their age even if they're working 2 jobs to maintain it.

And yeah I agree someone that old going after a 19 year old is pretty, well, alarming. People with huge age gaps have relationships all the time but since you guys met through a game that sort of says volumes about him mentally.

I think originally he never intended to go anywhere with it. Was just using the game to escape. It's a very social atmosphere and I don't think he ever really met to get mixed up with my friend that way. But they were both sort of rebounding I guess and it got of hand when they both looked to anonymously confide in each other, kind of thing. And then he was kind of stuck with what he made up, because I already knew him through her :P
Certainly not an excuse, but that's what I think happened there.

I think when I confront him about it he will just shut down, say he's not good enough and that I could do better. That's what happened with the photo, but I was sort of the one that pushed passed that. I'm not going to fight it this time... if he was willing to try and convince me or regain my trust some how I might KIND OF consider at least letting him try on a probation basis, though I don't think I could get past it. But I really think he will just shut down like that.

I deserve a man who will fight for me! Heh

[Čternity]

I did the same thing to Sllver. Told him I was 16 years younger than I am and that I didn't have children. Probably for the reason you mentioned in the above post. I really didn't think it would go anywhere and I wanted him to think I was young and fun.

From the moment I said it, I regreted it. Once you say it, you are stuck. It gets harder and harder to come clean because you just want one more day that you aren't going to disappoint them by having to admit you lied. One more day where they still think you are wonderful and perfect and the love of their life. One more day to feel loved and wanted and needed by someone you adore. I nearly just disappeared rather than admit it to him. I was so stressed, I'd lost about 20 pounds and my hair had started to fall out. In the end, I just had to tell him and risk losing him. Worst day of my life by far. I was prepared to walk away if he couldn't deal with it. When I told him, he wanted to know if he had done anything to make me lie to him. That was the saddest part of it. He had never done anything to deserve that. I promised never to lie to him again and went through a phase of oversharing just so I could make sure he felt he could trust me to be honest with him.

So if you are going to confront him, I really really wish you all the best. Please pm me if you want to.

[LadyMarchHare]

I think originally he never intended to go anywhere with it. Was just using the game to escape. It's a very social atmosphere and I don't think he ever really met to get mixed up with my friend that way. But they were both sort of rebounding I guess and it got of hand when they both looked to anonymously confide in each other, kind of thing. And then he was kind of stuck with what he made up, because I already knew him through her :P
Certainly not an excuse, but that's what I think happened there.

I think when I confront him about it he will just shut down, say he's not good enough and that I could do better. That's what happened with the photo, but I was sort of the one that pushed passed that. I'm not going to fight it this time... if he was willing to try and convince me or regain my trust some how I might KIND OF consider at least letting him try on a probation basis, though I don't think I could get past it. But I really think he will just shut down like that.

I deserve a man who will fight for me! Heh

You deserve a man with self esteem enough to be honest up front about who he is. I mean geeze I have one of the lowest self esteems of any person I know and I made it a point to say who I was, what was wrong with me, and just get the rejection over with before I got too involved. The man has problems that aren't your duty to solve and if he truly wants to be with you, you need to let him know he needs to lay it all bare at your feet and that's if you really wanna keep him.

[agentholli]

ugh, I am so sorry. Lying is something I have a hard time with...I probably would drop him also. I have been burned to much by my ex-husband that trust is hard enough for me and then to catch in a lie... I am really sorry.

[HMA]

Yeah, I'm not 100% settled on what I will do yet. Still feeling rather tumultuous. It will depend on how the conversation goes, I guess. I have a feeling this is the end of the line. I still have two warring sides, though. I guess that's pretty normal under the circumstances... it's never easy.

[HMA]

Soooo, he says it's not true.

[LadyMarchHare]

Can he provide proof?

[Čternity]

wow really - is he still willing to come and see you? or do webcam? I know its hard to tell sometimes if he aged well.

[Čternity]

hm, I've re-read your posts. It's a bit confusing but could it be your ex-friend lying and not him??? I could be really wrong on this but it would be good to know once and for all.

[Silviar]

Soooo, he says it's not true.

Is there proof?

[annamorgan]

This wasn't just a little white lie, he's been lying to you all along about something as simple as his age. I mean, c'mon, a liar's a liar, right..?

You should really dig and try to find the actual proof of his age. Other people could be lying, not him.

[loveonspeedial]

The truth is if they lie about one thing, they lie abou other stuff. My so had thisfriend our entire relationship that was just a "friend" but I finally couldn't take it anymore cause my so kept letting her friend disrespect us, her friend was sending her naked pictures, saying break up with ur gf etc. The moment I broke up with my so for all that stuff cause I was like ok If u loved me u would of told that girl to F off months ago, she started dating her the night I broke up ith her!! and then lied to me about it for a week!! and the nshe was like oh it was rebound all we did was talkabout u etc etc. and now sometimes I still catch her calling that girl "wifey" and stuff whereas I'm her wife. I dont' know it's stupid and sometimes I wonder about it but I mean now it's always in the back of my mind and we've been together 15 months and it's still a huge burden on our relationship.

[HMA]

I haven't seen any proof and I'm not really sold. But on the other hand, he is still looking at visiting, so I've got to wonder if he was lying why on earth would he keep up the charade past this point knowing that if he comes here I'm going to find out one way or another. And when the other incident occurred he did fess up, although there was really no way around it. The reaction I got from him was not at all what I would have expected if he was hiding something, especially given that when I found him out the last time he immediately became really depressed and tried to disappear rather than trying to work it out. I was expecting something similar, the things he told me before, like that I'm too good for him and should go find someone more in my "league". But I didn't get any of that, which is why I almost think on one side that he could be telling the truth. I'm still a skeptical person though :P
I said that I thought he was still hiding something from me. He just sounded confused and said, "Like what?" At which point I said, "Like your age." And he was just kind of confused sounding and just said, "My age?"
When I told him what I found he sounded a bit baffled and just said that it wasn't true. Then I told him it listed some of his relatives, like his sister as 38 and his dad as 63. He told me that because his sister is adopted they don't even know her accurate age, but that she wouldn't be listed as 38. They do seem to get married pretty young in that area and she has two young children. He says he's not sure how old his dad is (fair enough, I didn't know how old my mom was for a long time because she wouldn't tell anyone!) but that he's pretty sure he's younger than that. He is retired, but he was actually forced into retirement, so would be younger than the general retirement age. I thought that his dad was around my dad in age, but I think I may have mixed it up and it was near my mom's age.
My former friend is a renowned liar, but it's not as though he wasn't aware that I believed him to be 26 (which he sticks by). He could well be telling the truth, but I'm not sure.
What I'm thinking of doing is continuing to plan for him to come here. When I meet with him (with my friend in a public place!) if I'm still suspicious (ie, he doesn't look 26...) then I will ask to see his license. If he for some reason continues to delay coming then it will be over anyway.
His web cam hasn't worked for some time. He bought a new one when he bought a new computer, but he ended up returning the computer because the whole thing went haywire. He was so pissed off about it that he ended up sticking with his old computer (and saving the money), which won't run the cam. I would tell him to scan his license or something, but if he were really intent on keeping up the charade he could just photoshop it.
I want to believe him, but I'm not really convinced. But I think I will give this some time and not break it off at this point until I have a more firm feeling about it.