What's your 'trigger' sad thing, and how do you make it hurt less?

[silvermoonfairy3]

Is there a specific thing that is just like.. your trigger for sadness with your long-distance relationship?
For me, it's those moments when Mark is tired or stressed, and I'm not there to give him a backrub, or surprise him by making him dinner or something.

I also find it a particular challenge when there's good stuff going on that I'd love to be around for, even just little things like him going to pub quiz with some friends and saying he'd love to take me, or a playoff game for his favorite rugby league team (we both love sports; I've been getting him into NFL and he's been getting me into league) is on.

Sometimes we're able to kinda work around it.. we've watched some of our sports online together, but the time difference makes it impossible sometimes. (Sorry, 4am Warriors game, I just can't be awake for you!)


How do you deal with those kind of moments? How do you make the ache a little less intense?

[Kitty Boo]

I think that's normal, the happy and sad times are the times that you really wish that you could be with them. To make it hurt a little less when he's upset/sad/tired, you could try talking to him, or video calling him and trying to make him feel better? Knowing you've helped them and seeing them smile could really ease the ache. Another way could be by doing something sweet/touching for him, and sending it to him to make him smile. When you're missing him and he's having fun, you could try arranging to do something fun yourself during that time so you're not lonely? Or you could work on a project or something for him to distract yourself from the fact that you're not together at the time.

I hope some of these tips will help you, and I hope you'll feel better soon. *hugs*

[Louise_B]

I know people say to me 'Get out more with your friends being indoors will make you dwell on it more' Well for me this DOESNT work.

Being out with friends having fun, having a laugh, a joke makes me want him there more to share the moment with me and them. When i get in from being out for friends i end up kind of having a little melt down or feel really upset.

But being home with family make is somewhat easier for me. A little different to what most people feel or do

[Mims27]

Being out with friends having fun, having a laugh, a joke makes me want him there more to share the moment with me and them. When i get in from being out for friends i end up kind of having a little melt down or feel really upset.

^^This! Man, I thought I was the only one who felt like that! lol
When I spend time with family and friend, they are all with their SO's and I'm always alone. I have a really hard time with that. There's so many moments or things where I feel we should be enjoying it together and we aren't. Ever.

It's funny that the topic of triggers shows up cause my SO and I were just talking about that this morning. One of my triggers is last minute things that come up with her or with me. For example, this weekend. I wanted to be relaxing at home and being with her because I haven't been home in forever on a weekend and things are about to be chaotic for us starting this coming weekend. Well, nothing worked like we wanted it to. Last minute shit kept happening for both of us and by Sunday evening I was done. Worn out and sad.

Now more last minute stuff is happening today and I'm trying to keep focused and not too sad but it's hard when you haven't slept a good night in about a month! lol

[silvermoonfairy3]

I know *exactly* what you guys mean about being out with friends just sometimes making it worse. Because yeah, it's nice to have a SO around when things suck and you need a hug, but it can be almost worse when things are going well and you just desperately want your SO around for the fun times, for the laughter, for the enjoyable moments in life.

[Louise_B]

^^This! Man, I thought I was the only one who felt like that! lol
When I spend time with family and friend, they are all with their SO's and I'm always alone. I have a really hard time with that. There's so many moments or things where I feel we should be enjoying it together and we aren't. Ever.

I am SO glad i am not the only one who felt like that. I thought bringing it up people would be looking at there computer screen like 'WTF is this girl talking about' Haha. But yes thats is one of my MAIN triggers. And i have a really hard time with that. I get in and sometimes i litreally just break down in tears. I get to the point where i wont go out and socialise with friends from work. I keep it to just to my best friend Bianca. I cant handle being in a group!

The other is when people ask about us, I mean i love being able to boast about my SO how we met and how we are getting through the ditance. And people admore it a lot, However, once i finish talking about him i am stuck with what to say to them next because all that is going through my mind is him.

[princessmaria]

Louise, I totally agree with you! I wrote a blog post about this recently. It's hard to be anywhere having fun without suddenly painfully wishing that they were there to experience it with you...

[RachelAnne]

I also have a hard time being with friends too! Lol. It just depresses me, especially seeing everybody else with a boyfriend/girlfriend. It just makes me miss him more. Also, it upsets me that I can't have a good time with my friends AND my boyfriend all the time so it just depresses me. I want to experience a "normal" relationship with him, and do all of the cute , couple-y things everyone else gets to enjoy. Also, I'm not sure if I'm the only one who's like this (i'm weird) but I have a certain perfume I've always worn during my visits with him, and when we're apart, I refuse to wear it. It's like I can't even smell it because it just brings back a flood of memories from when we were together and I'll start crying LOL. I'm pathetic.

[Louise_B]

I have a certain perfume I've always worn during my visits with him, and when we're apart, I refuse to wear it. It's like I can't even smell it because it just brings back a flood of memories from when we were together and I'll start crying LOL. I'm pathetic.

HAHA .. wow. This is me. However mine isnt perfume. Its shower gel. When i went over to visit Justin i used this certain showegel and for 10 days i litreally have every shower with him LOL. when i come home i went to pick up the same one and i couldnt do it. I left my showegel there, and him on the other hand actually look it to sniper school with him so he could use it and it would make him feel closer to me!

[snow]

Nighttime is the worst time for me. Lying in bed and he's not here makes me really sad. Throughout the day I manage easily by figuring out what time it is and then thinking what he'd be doing, but at night when I know he's in bed without me and I am here in bed without him makes me really sad.

[emsimes]

This probably sounds like a weird trigger, but here it goes. My SO and I met at my university where he studied as an international student for one semester. The mascot of my university is a really cute elephant named Tuffy. My SO and I would always say how cute Tuffy is and what a cool mascot it is. Not to mention, elephants are also my SO's favorite animal!
Now whenever I'm walking along campus and I see signs with Tuffy on it or students wearing Tuffy t-shirts, I get really sad and feel like crying

[alittlemind]

I've always been the most emotional at night. And after being able to fall asleep in my SO's arms for the last few weeks we were together, it's at those times that I miss him most. It's never been easy for me to fall asleep, it takes me forever, and staying asleep? Forget about it. It was such a comfort to have him there. Basically just when I am really tired I miss him. He makes everything better. He relieves all my stresses, and calms me down. While he was living here, we had a mutual friend group. Now, when I hang out with them (which is quite often) I find myself feeling like something is missing. I always tell him, my other half is missing. Our friends parents used to comment on how we were glued at the hip. Come to think of it, I don't think I really have a specific trigger. It's really any moment where I find myself doing something and wishing he was right there with me. I tend to just sent him a quick text message, telling him I wish he was here, and it makes me feel better to talk to him. Hopefully with time it'll get easier.

[sarahjane1992]

I don't have any really specific triggers. There's a few songs that evoke memories of us together. I mostly miss him at night. It's not as bad during the day, when I'm busy with school, work etc. But at night I get really lonely. It just sucks.

[maja]

trigger sad things is anything emotional or intimate in movies or books or tv or obviously real life.
Reminds me of all the things I miss about my SO and yes, at night time it's worse.
I usually try contacting him and get a text of reassurance and love and if he's not available I speak to my best friend for distraction. Or watch something unromantic or feel-good movies like Disney etc. - stuff I connect with positive memories

[ozdust]

Right now because things are still new the biggest trigger is walking or driving down the street where the theatre festival was (where we met).
That's where we spent all of our time together, and at the end of each night he would walk me to my car then I would drive him to where he was staying.
Usually when I get home I watch one of his videos of his performances that is on youtube. That makes me feel better because I can see and hear him whenever I want... like if I know he's working or unavailable to skype.

Also at night. Even though we haven't spent a night together, I just wish I could hold him.