Announcement

**Rob** · August 19, 2010, 12:43 AM

As I found out the hard way, keeping things makes the closeness feel not so close when they do eventually hear about it. If it's worth talking about on here, FB, a blog or somewhere, they would love to be able to be in that part of your life too. It builds on the relationship when they aren't surprised by something later on that is seen as common knowledge now. The more open, the better for the majority of these things.

Do I keep anything from my SO now? No, I at times think that I am saying too much about meaningless stuff. But after talking about it and reading others posts on here and other places, it helps to close the physical gap by helping the other person have the connection with more aspects of your life. Would you have told your SO stuff like that if you lived in the same town? That's the easiest way to know what you should or shouldn't bring up. Even if it's something that you are thinking about now, go ahead and get it out sooner than later. It will build a connection that will pay off.

Something that I'm scared to tell my So now? I have been opening up on totally new levels lately and with each fear comes a huge amount of reassurance and a stronger connection. Each little risk is paying off monumentally.

**giraffessssssss** · August 19, 2010, 01:41 AM

I think that in order for a relationship to be kept strong and alive, you should be able to share every aspect of your life including the past. This is especially true in a LDR because this is the best way to feel close to the person. Otherwise, the relationship might end up feeling repetitive. My SO did keep one thing from me because it was something very difficult for him to talk about. It was about his past. I was glad that he told me because now I feel like I know everything about him just like he knows everything about me. I have also been scared of telling him stuff but as our relationship became more and more serious, I felt the need to tell him everything about me.

**Darth_Taco** · August 19, 2010, 02:59 AM

Keeping things from your SO, do you think it's OK for certain things or nothing?
I don't need him to text me every time he poops ;_;! I also don't need to know what he thinks of every time he masturbates. It doesn't actually bother me, it's perfectly natural to fantasize. The problem is that he does it too damn often for it not to get boring to hear about it D:<! That and it makes me sad that I'm not there to violate him ;_;.

Does your SO keep things from you? Do you, from them? Does it hurt your relationship?
We've done it, constantly XP. We're paranoid idiots though. We've got reasons for it. Trust me when I say we got issues and have had them in our lives. Most of the hiding has been that we just weren't ready to talk about. How do you tell the man you love you've tried to commit suicide because voices in your head told you to kill all your classmates? Ok, maybe that was a bit of an extreme example, but it actually happened :P. Anyway, we understand that we need still need time to open up. We're 20 and neither of us has a chronic disease, we've got time to let this shit out.

What's something you were scared to tell your SO?
>.>...<.<...>.>... *gets shotgun* for internet lynching :P. Despite living in Vegas, people don't really accept you when you talk about it XP. Recently I finally had the guts to tell him about some gender identity issues I've had since I was...alive. I was born biologically female, but I feel I should've been born male. My biggest issue with telling him is that well, he's straight. How would any of you react to news like that? Well, I told him a few weeks ago. His response? "...You really are the man in this relationship." He was just there to make me laugh. Then he said how everything about me suddenly made perfect sense. Oddly he's sticking around @_@. Still weird, since he's still straight. Oh well, I refuse to question it, I'm just glad he's accepted he's dating a gay man xD (Yes, I'm still attracted to women, but let's face it I'm gay :P).

By the way, I don't mind answering questions about the weirdness I spew in my posts. If I don't wanna talk about it, I'll state is specifically. I know I'm an odd one :P. Just don't talk shit to me, my posts already make me self conscious ;_;.

**LadyMarchHare** · August 19, 2010, 03:07 AM

Originally posted by Rob View Post

As I found out the hard way, keeping things makes the closeness feel not so close when they do eventually hear about it. If it's worth talking about on here, FB, a blog or somewhere, they would love to be able to be in that part of your life too. It builds on the relationship when they aren't surprised by something later on that is seen as common knowledge now. The more open, the better for the majority of these things.

You have a point. My case, however, is I have no problem telling strangers my problems. You bring up the subject of my dad and I've known you for 5 minutes I'll tell you he molested me, for how long, that he molested boys for years before me, and a plethora of things you don't need to know. Why? I don't care, flat out. I share information with people that don't need to hear it because I don't care what they think and half the time their disgust is amusing to me. With friends, I am comfortable talking about these points to a degree. Unless it's truly eating at me, I don't tell people I'm close to my problems and it's because I DO care what THEY think and their pity/general trying to comfort me makes me feel awkward and like I did something bad. When my boyfriend gets upset, such as when I was going through the process of getting disability and the state labeled me as mentally ******ed, he became enraged on my behalf and it made me feel bad that I upset him. I don't hide everything, but huge issues I skirt if I can if only for my dumbass reason of "protecting" him, which is what he does with me. Hence my calling myself a huge hypocrite.

**Kirschlein** · August 19, 2010, 04:10 AM

Keeping things from your SO, do you think it's OK for certain things or nothing?

I think it is okay to have some secrets, for example if he wants to surprise you with something. I mean, how should you get surprised if you pick on him the whole time and then he needs to tell you before you think something wrong. And for me it is also a case of trust. I trust my boyfriend and if he doesnt want to talk about something then i accept it as long as he knows, that he can come to me every time and we can talk about it.

Sometimes people also think they would bother you too much, then you have to show them it doesnt

Does your SO keep things from you? Do you, from them? Does it hurt your relationship?

Actually we don't hide anything from eachother. Atleast not yet: We talked about our issues and i also tell him everything in detail, when it comes to fights in my family again. He also knows my past pretty much eventhough i didnt do much bad things xD

But if he would hide something from me, then i would react pretty sad, but it depends on the topic. Like... if he hides an affair with someone then i would shoot him to the moon... but if he hid something about his past, whats bothering him but he doesnt feel like talking about it with anyone then i accept it.

What's something you were scared to tell your SO?

That i ate away one of his pancakes 8D

**Kirschlein** · August 19, 2010, 04:15 AM

Keeping things from your SO, do you think it's OK for certain things or nothing?

I think it is okay to have some secrets, for example if he wants to surprise you with something. I mean, how should you get surprised if you pick on him the whole time and then he needs to tell you before you think something wrong. And for me it is also a case of trust. I trust my boyfriend and if he doesnt want to talk about something then i accept it as long as he knows, that he can come to me every time and we can talk about it.

Sometimes people also think they would bother you too much, then you have to show them it doesnt

Does your SO keep things from you? Do you, from them? Does it hurt your relationship?

Actually we don't hide anything from eachother. Atleast not yet: We talked about our issues and i also tell him everything in detail, when it comes to fights in my family again. He also knows my past pretty much eventhough i didnt do much bad things xD

But if he would hide something from me, then i would react pretty sad, but it depends on the topic. Like... if he hides an affair with someone then i would shoot him to the moon... but if he hid something about his past, whats bothering him but he doesnt feel like talking about it with anyone then i accept it.

What's something you were scared to tell your SO?

That i ate away one of his pancakes 8D

**Silviar** · August 19, 2010, 09:42 AM

We're really big on honesty and telling each other things; the things you mentioned above are things that my boyfriend and I would have told each other, personally speaking. We don't hide things, but there are times we'll wait when we're not in the right frame of mind to talk about something, or if something's going on, to talk about a particular topic.

Now, having said that, there are things I'll either forget to mention to him, or I don't feel is important enough to bring up to him, and those can be a bit of a gray area. For example: my boyfriend is the jealous/possessive type in that he doesn't like it when people hit on his girl. He doesn't worry about cheating, he just doesn't like other people making moves on me. I have a friend who makes flirty advances who I've told to knock it off/cool it, and he generally does. I haven't told my boyfriend because I don't want him to get jealous over nothing, and if it becomes a problem, I want to deal with it. I generally think of that as my business and not his.

There were things I was scared to tell my SO, which I prefer to not mention here, but I knew they were important enough that I had to know if he was ok accepting these parts of me, or else there was no deal with the relationship. And he accepted them, so it was ok.

To me, I feel that if I can't be comfortable sharing intimate, important things (even the important little things, stuff that'll have an effect on daily life), then we shouldn't be going out. But my boyfriend and I are lucky - we talk every day for about 6-8 hours, every morning and evening.

**NaNi** · August 19, 2010, 10:28 AM

Keeping things from your SO, do you think it's OK for certain things or nothing?
I don't like the thought of keeping things from each other. Important things that is.

Does your SO keep things from you? Do you, from them? Does it hurt your relationship?
Well, I wouldn't really know. But I really don't think that she does. At least I would hope so. We can talk about everything with each other. No matter the topic. Which is why I never keep anything from her. Some things might be hard to say out loud, but I still always do.

What's something you were scared to tell your SO?
I can't think of anything. I might have been worried about a few things, but that was some time ago now.

**alise120** · August 19, 2010, 02:12 PM

Keeping things from your SO, do you think it's OK for certain things or nothing?
I don't want to keep anything from my SO because I don't want him keeping anything from me, so we both try to be honest (ITS HARD FOR THE BOTH OF US SOMETIMES...ugh).

Does your SO keep things from you? Do you, from them? Does it hurt your relationship?
I'm really not sure but if he did, I would be highly upset with him. With me keeping secret tabs on him (I know its bad lol), I didn't really see anything that would make me suspicious of him. But I still keep him on "top notch" surveillance .

I never kept anything from him that was important for him to know. I even told him presonal things about me that no one else knows (I even know his little secrets).

And of course it would hurt our relationship for either or the both of us if we kept things from each other. It's just not right to keep the other one in the dark like that.

What's something you were scared to tell your SO?
I think that's secret for even Y'ALL to know.... lol

**Zephii** · August 19, 2010, 02:50 PM

Keeping things from your SO, do you think it's OK for certain things or nothing?
Birthday presents or other fun surprises are really the only thing I think is acceptable to deliberatly keep from your SO.

Does your SO keep things from you? Do you, from them? Does it hurt your relationship?
Yes, Obi keeps things from me, usually if he knows I wouldn't appreciate it - like close friendships with old bed buddies - and he often wont approach me if I'm upsetting him in some way, though I constantly remind him if he doesnt tell me he's not helping make me a better person. It hurts the relationship only so much that without deep communication I feel very lonely, and it takes me to realise something is off and instigate a talk for us to ever make progress. Thankfully most of our issues are small and can handle the delays in being overcome. Obi is also a very private person which is something I can't really understand, as I'm exactly opposite.
Lately I've kept things from him too, but, not in a way he doesn't know about. :P Like, I'm still mourning my mum who died three years ago today, and I try to hide my random bouts of sadness, and there are issues I want to deal with but he doesn't - like moving, travling and children - that I keep to myself as well, for his benifit. When he wants to discuss our future, he knows I'm more than ready.

What's something you were scared to tell your SO?
I was scared to tell him there is no way I can just live in Canada forever, like he really wants. I can't "settle down". I'm fairly nomadic, and that puts a strain on our relationship. But, I got it out eventually, and we're sort of working on it. I was also afraid to ask him to support me financially while I try to get my career off the ground, but I eventually managed that too.

**Silviar** · August 19, 2010, 03:03 PM

Originally posted by Zephii View Post

Lately I've kept things from him too, but, not in a way he doesn't know about. :P Like, I'm still mourning my mum who died three years ago today, and I try to hide my random bouts of sadness, and there are issues I want to deal with but he doesn't - like moving, travling and children - that I keep to myself as well, for his benifit. When he wants to discuss our future, he knows I'm more than ready

Oh man, Zep, I feel you on this one. These are things I want to talk about - a continuing dialogue - but my SO doesn't want to because it only reminds him that he doesn't have a job and we can't move forward with plans. He doesn't want to even think about plans until they're able to be acted upon. Augh. XD

**threecheers9980** · August 19, 2010, 03:09 PM

Keeping things from your SO, do you think it's OK for certain things or nothing?
Unless I'm planning a surprise party for him or something like that, I don't really think it's okay to keep things from him.

Does your SO keep things from you? Do you, from them? Does it hurt your relationship?
He doesn't keep things from me and I try really hard not to keep things from him. It has hurt our relationship in the past when I've kept things from him.

What's something you were scared to tell your SO?
I don't really want to talk about it we told each other that only we would know about it. But something minor I can mention is that I was scared to tell him recently that I started my period like a week after my last one ended because I didn't want him to worry and tell me to go to the doctor and then I'd worry. But he wasn't worried. He told me what he thinks is going on and it made total sense.

**noodle** · August 19, 2010, 03:44 PM

Well I tell my SO everything that is important for our relationship, which sometimes can be very detailed lol But like if I go out with ppl I barely go out than I dont mention their names cause he wouldnt remember anyway and stuff.
But I dont hide anything from him, we actually never did. Like he knows things about me no one knows and I mean like NO ONE.
And I think thats important in a LDR, cause of the distance you just cant experience the every day life since you cant be with your SO (logically if its a LDR >_>)
Anyways, I dont tell him every single thought, I try to think before talkin cause it has caused some missunderstandings before and sometimes there is somethin that bugs us but we dont wanna tell each other cause we dont wanna make the other one worry and stuff but eventually it comes out ^^

**XX, Lexi** · August 19, 2010, 07:14 PM

Keeping things from your SO, do you think it's OK for certain things or nothing?
I tend to nag my SO a bit about what's going on in his life to the point where most people would get annoyed XD Of course, I don't ask for details, but I want the basics: What you did today, what problems did you have, yada yada yada. He'll be glad to tell me anything and I'll be glad to tell him anything. I just don't want details on TMI things, Like Death_Taco mentioned XD

Does your SO keep things from you? Do you, from them? Does it hurt your relationship?

Me and my SO used to keep problems from each other. Well, rather, I would keep things from him. In our past, He's always been the one to tell me how I'm feeling and I've always been one who would rather hiding my problems and how I'm feelings rather than let them out. This ended up killing up many times before and this time, I'm trying to learn that it's okay to tell him, even if it hurts him, for it will make our relationship stronger. I still have a lot of trouble learning the line between 'sharing all of my feelings' and 'sharing what I feel should be shared with him', but I hope that we can make it through =]

What's something you were scared to tell your SO?
Hm...I can't really think of anything like now. I know there've been PLENTY of things. Nothing comes to mind at the moment. ]=

Announcement

"It's not that big a deal..." "WE'RE TOGETHER, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!"

"It's not that big a deal..." "WE'RE TOGETHER, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!"

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