Need Advice

[Turbopantsu]

No one is saying its not real. A lot of us on here started out online. I did. And to be honest with you, it wasn't truly real until I met my SO in person. I had this idea of him in my head, but no tangible evidence to say to me that it was real. We both were unsure and it was so difficult for us concerning jealousy and insecurity, that it didn't fully fade away until I met him in person. In fact that didn't really go away until we spent a year living together.

It's a whole different ball game when you meet, which is why I asked whether you guys are planning on that soon. What you need to do right now, is communicate your thoughts with her as that all you have at this moment - communication. You also need to clarify where you stand with her. As does she. A talk about the future, a talk about boundaries and expectations. YOU NEED TO DO THIS. If you don't, you'll be back here again telling us that she's still meeting other guys and not taking you seriously.

Please don't disregard what we're saying. We've been there before, we've seen it before, and we know what is needed in these types of situations, which is why this board is one of the best places to come for advice. The opinions of LFAD users are valuable. We want your LDR to succeed as much as you do, but you need to understand that not everyone is cut out for an LDR. You need to figure out whether this is worth all the hard work by talking to her.

I did talk to her and she said that she is sorry, and that she finds it hard to not reply to someone when they talk to her, that's why she writes to people when we are talking, and that this particular dude she has talked to yesterday and sunday is someone she hasnt talked to in ages. It still hurts, talking to her and knowing she is thinking of another guy.

[LittleBox]

Saying sorry without any effort to change her behaviour isn't good enough. You have very solid reasons for feeling the way you do. You've given her space, you're not smothering her, you're encouraging her to interact with other people - she shouldn't be taking that for granted. For someone you say doesn't have a good social life she seems very socially involved according to your description. Even if she does get together with these people she needs to limit her time with them so that its casual.

Your together time is strictly yours. Her constantly checking the side of the screen is just as bad as going on a proper date and constantly texting others - its rude! She can easily change her Skype status to "busy" when you're in a call together so that you have each other's attention and she isn't tempted by messages from other people.

Both of you have to respect your relationship and trust each other to make this work. It could be that she's getting bored and these guys are offering her something that seems more enticing. Try and do something new, you mentioned you share links with each other and browse together but look at other "date ideas" there's a whole list somewhere on this site and I'm sure you can come up with ideas of activities you both enjoy so that it doesn't feel like the same routine.

Good luck!

[Turbopantsu]

Saying sorry without any effort to change her behaviour isn't good enough. You have very solid reasons for feeling the way you do. You've given her space, you're not smothering her, you're encouraging her to interact with other people - she shouldn't be taking that for granted. For someone you say doesn't have a good social life she seems very socially involved according to your description. Even if she does get together with these people she needs to limit her time with them so that its casual.

Your together time is strictly yours. Her constantly checking the side of the screen is just as bad as going on a proper date and constantly texting others - its rude! She can easily change her Skype status to "busy" when you're in a call together so that you have each other's attention and she isn't tempted by messages from other people.

Both of you have to respect your relationship and trust each other to make this work. It could be that she's getting bored and these guys are offering her something that seems more enticing. Try and do something new, you mentioned you share links with each other and browse together but look at other "date ideas" there's a whole list somewhere on this site and I'm sure you can come up with ideas of activities you both enjoy so that it doesn't feel like the same routine.

Good luck!

I do feel like I am smothering her, during the weeks she spends most of her free time talking to me, and that leaves her zero time to talk to other people.

We have talked and come to a compromise, if she wants to talk to someone else while she is with me, she can say so and I will give her some time, and i asked her that when she goes out with these dudes she messages me once in a while so I do think it is fixed. Thanks for your help everyone!

[lilcupcake]

one big red flag: she cant respect that you dont like her talking to other people while you guys are together. but she can respect his feelings about it, and not tell you she's okay every now and then? she doesn't sound like a bad person, in my opinion. but it sounds like an LDR is getting a bit hard for her... maybe THATS what you need to talk about. give her reassurance. we all want to break sometimes.