I would like to seek advice from other couples regarding a pretty specific issue. My boyfriend is away because he's furthering his education, and therefore is studying basically all the time, either alone or with his study group.
In the beginning it seemed like we were both making an equal commitment to making time for the other person, keeping them updated with their schedule, and keeping an open line of communication. Lately, the only time we get to talk is at the end of the night right before he goes to bed..and he spends a good deal of that time texting his study group people.
I find myself in a very weird position because I want to do everything I can to support him in every capacity, but I also think that both people need to make an effort to keep the relationship alive. I know this is incredibly difficult for him, but I honestly feel like I’m the one who keeps having to adjust to his schedule. He did tell me before he left that he’d be busy so now whenever I bring up a problem he prefaces everything he says with “I told you this is how it was going to be” or “we talked about this”. It honestly makes me feel like I’m the one at fault, the weak one who needs to develop more independence and become stronger. I probably do but I end up leaving every conversation feeling like I’m putting too much pressure on him and making this more difficult than it needs to be.
I just want to know how to make it better for both of us. Should I back off and work on establishing more of a life for myself? Or if talking about it is healthy, how can I bring up the subject without it turning into a fight where he gets frustrated and I get sad?
In the beginning it seemed like we were both making an equal commitment to making time for the other person, keeping them updated with their schedule, and keeping an open line of communication. Lately, the only time we get to talk is at the end of the night right before he goes to bed..and he spends a good deal of that time texting his study group people.
I find myself in a very weird position because I want to do everything I can to support him in every capacity, but I also think that both people need to make an effort to keep the relationship alive. I know this is incredibly difficult for him, but I honestly feel like I’m the one who keeps having to adjust to his schedule. He did tell me before he left that he’d be busy so now whenever I bring up a problem he prefaces everything he says with “I told you this is how it was going to be” or “we talked about this”. It honestly makes me feel like I’m the one at fault, the weak one who needs to develop more independence and become stronger. I probably do but I end up leaving every conversation feeling like I’m putting too much pressure on him and making this more difficult than it needs to be.
I just want to know how to make it better for both of us. Should I back off and work on establishing more of a life for myself? Or if talking about it is healthy, how can I bring up the subject without it turning into a fight where he gets frustrated and I get sad?
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