Taking boyfriend away from family and friends

[JandM62010]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. After almost 3 years of being in a long distance relationship we are finally closing the distance in December of this year. My boyfriend is moving from California to Missouri where I am from. I cannot even begin to describe how excited and happy I am!!! I have been waiting a very long time for this and cannot wait for our future together out in Missouri! There is definitely a part of me though, that feels an extreme amount of guilt. I feel as if I am taking him away from his family and friends who love him so much. Just the thought of him telling his very young nieces and nephews, who love him more than anything, that he will be moving 2000 miles away from them absolutely breaks my heart. I often find myself getting very emotional when thinking about this. I have talked to my boyfriend and he tells me every time that I should never feel guilty and that he isn't saying goodbye to his family and friends forever, he is simply saying see you later, but I still cannot seem to shake this guilty feeling I have. So my question is did you feel this way as well? And if so, how did you deal with it?

Thank you,

Marisa

[squeeker]

Yes! This is exactly what makes closing the distance so hard once we finally start thinking about it.

Earlier on in our relationship, my boyfriend said he'd move to me which made the most sense because when he asked his dad if he'd move to Canada too, he said he would. And my boyfriend doesn't have any other family left (broken family, long story involving a traumatic past) except their dog which they'd also have to bring because they can't leave her behind. Anyways... recently we had come to the conclusion that it wouldn't be so easy for his dad to come to Canada too, because family visas can take a long time and my boyfriend would have to be settled in Canada first. The immigrations sites are so confusing.

I have so far been the only one going to visit him, he hasn't visited me yet because he has a phobia of flying (as well as OCD and PTSD) and that is why he wanted to come live in Canada, because he would only have to fly once, and also because he loves how much space is in Canada compared to the UK and buying land is easier. Anyways.. well it's come to it where we've discussed me moving there, and my boyfriend really doesn't like that because he doesn't want me to have to leave my family. Though like your boyfriend says, I don't think I would actually be leaving them seeing as I can still talk to them and visit them from time to time.. but it would still be hard and would probably hit me from time to time. It's really unfair though because my boyfriend's dad is divorced and he's had a really traumatic past and it's damaged him terribly to the fact that my boyfriend can't leave him or his dad will feel more depressed that everyone left him and also because his dad is on benefits and doesn't get enough to support himself and my boyfriend helps him. Though my boyfriend and I will not let that happen because we are doing everything in our power to make sure our families are good before we start setting ourselves up, which means closing the distance will take even longer, and is part of the reason we have both gone back to university to get degrees to get a better chance of getting a job that will make enough to support our future in a comfortable way..

Anyways so sorry for the rambling, but I completely understand. My advice I guess would be to make sure your boyfriend is comfortable, maybe have some of his familiar comforting foods or things around the house, and don't take offense if he does start to get homesick, try and help him and be as supporting as you can. And try and plan for some visits across the country together to visit his family and friends.

[SquishyLove]

Your feelings are very valid, but just remember that you're not twisting his arm to come to you. He is a grown man making a choice to relocate in order to be with you. Feel flattered and grateful, not sad and guilty. If he does get homesick, be there for him. And of course never take him for granted. Always let him know you appreciate him. That helps so much. My husband confesses to homesickness from time to time, but he always says he'd rather be with me than far away from me. I would have relocated to be with him as well, but for now it made more sense for us to start our life together here, so that's what we decided. He doesn't regret moving, but I know he misses things and people sometimes. I just do what I can to be supportive when he does occasionally express that he's feeling homesick. He uses Skype to communicate with the folks back home, and it helps a lot. He's actually talking to his dad right now as I type. I also use it to have video chats with my sister every 2 weeks or so. She's a Fulbright student in South Korea, and I know she gets homesick even though she loves it there and is having the time of her life. I miss her a lot, as we're really close, so it helps to be able to talk with her and see her face. It helped a lot when me and him were in the LDR part of our relationship, and it helps with easing the homesickness/missing of my sister as well. It's really a wonderful thing to hold you over until visits are possible.