I'm 18-- should I take a 5 hr road trip alone to see him?

[mellif]

A short way to describe how I'm feeling is, well, afraid. I may have dated online/long-distance for 4 out of the 5 relationships I've ever had, but the current relationship I have is nothing like the ones before it.

We haven't met in person yet, we met online in a video game around 5 months ago. He was a player I had seen around the community and I thought he was pretty cool, so I asked if he wanted to join a Skype call with me and a few other players. He did, and we've kept talking ever since. We were like best friends before we started dating-- we connected on a deeper level, could make each other laugh, and were simply fascinated by each others' personalities. Sooner or later, I realized I was really in love with this guy, more deeply in love than any other guy I've met. He felt the same way, except he was afraid to ask me out because of his age. He's 15 while I'm 18.

On Aug 22nd, I told him his age didn't matter to me, and so he asked if I wanted us to start dating. It's been a little over a month, and it's been just plain amazing. The only problem is I love him a little bit more every day, and with that, the pain of not seeing him grows a little bit more, every day. I've never really been touched by a guy, still haven't had my first kiss. Often when we text each other hugs, or blow kisses on Skype video calls, I can almost feel him embrace me, and while its a great feeling, I also feel a lot of weight in my chest from missing him. "You can't miss what you never had" they say, yet I miss his physical presence, even though it was never there.

Of course, I've been scheming even before we started dating on ways that I could potentially meet him, and I think I've found a totally realistic, yet, pretty risky way to meet him. I've been thinking about taking a 5-6hr road trip to meet him at his house or someplace public (like a Starbucks for example). Since I dorm at college, my parents don't really know what I do on weekends. I know they wouldn't approve of this trip, especially since I've been so sheltered my entire life (never gone to a public school, never seen pot or drugs in real life, never been to a house party, never has seen someone drunk, never done/seen a lot of things)... So if I were to do the road trip, I would have to do it without their approval or knowledge. The plan is, on a Saturday morning, to use my phone GPS to direct me to his place or where ever we agree to meet. I'd get there around noon/afternoon. Then we hang out, and do what we want for the rest of the weekend. Since I could get away with gas expenses but probably not hotel expenses, I don't know if I want to go to a hotel/motel, or if I should stay at his place. He lives with his mom mostly, and his mom is pretty supportive of our relationship, so she wouldn't have a problem with it, most likely. I would leave on Monday morning, since my first class is at 3:10, and I definitely would get back to the campus before then.

This trip most likely wouldn't happen in the next month. I'm still getting settled in college as a freshman, and have to organize my life a bit, not to mention get psychologically prepared for such a challenging trip. The earliest this trip could happen is probably November.

It thrills me that doing this is something completely out of the ordinary for me, and I long to experience adventure to make up for my boring and sheltered life. I want to see him so very badly as well.

Should I go for it? Any extra advice, thoughts, precautions?

[Black_Halloween]

I'm to beat the dead horse but this guy is way too young for you and you really need to be careful. If you guys even kiss, if somebody sees who who doesn't like it, its considered statutory rape and you can go to prison. At his age, he's still a sophomore in high school and you're already starting college. You're about to start an entire new life experience. Also, this behavior is typical of sheltered teenagers. You find something dangerous to do, something your parents would not approve of and you stupidly act on it (i'm not calling you stupid, just the actions in general). I know what it feels like to be sheltered. When I was 17 I wanted to move out with a guy I just met online because I thought he could "save me" and it was exciting and new. Needless to say I listened to my instincts and didn't go. You keep saying how exciting it is, how you want to break out of your sheltered life but not about how much you want to see him...that came as a second thought. That proves to me that you just want exciting new experiences and this child seems like just the ticket but you don't even realize what you're about to experience in college.

Think about this more before you act on it.

[princessmaria]

I'm really scared for you to do this and I don't even know you, but it just sounds like a terrible plan.
Firstly, it's never good to go off and meet someone you met online without informing family or friends first. The smart thing to do would be to inform your parents, or a close friend at the very least, of what you plan to do. Tell them your SO's name and residence so they know exactly where you will/should be in case anything goes bad, and keep in touch with them during your visit. Another potential problem I see here is his age. You two are in polar opposite places in your life and I find it a little bit hard to believe that a 15 year old boy is ready for a serious committed relationship. It doesn't sound smart for you to even attempt to make one happen. While the relationship is relatively new, and as you say, you're falling in love with him more and more everyday, I would take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Also, be careful while you're out there. If you two were to ever engage in any sexual activity it is considered statutory rape.

My honest advice would be to not go through with this at all and let the boy be. Females mature way faster than males (about two years faster). You might say he's mature for his age but there's no way he is on the level that you should be. It would be wise to make a decision that adds in the fact that on a cognitive and emotional level he is most likely not ready for this, and that this whole situation seems like it will inevitably end in heart break. Everything is moving so fast and I think you should slow down.

I wish you all the best of luck.

[RachelAnne]

I'm going to have to agree with everyone else--he's way too young. As princessmaria said, I doubt he's ready to be in this sort of committed relationship; he hasn't even really started to live his life. I would do some serious thinking about it before you make this decision. Good luck!

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I'm also with what has already been said about the age difference.

I'm most concerned about how you're dealing with this relationship to be honest. At least he's been open and honest about it with his parents. You have not. The idea of driving 5-6 hours away without informing anyone about your whereabouts or intentions is scary. Although you're 18, and legally can do what you want really, your description of this relationship and your ideas about going to see him are not particularly mature. What if you get into an accident, or your car breaks down, and the people that have to inform your parents about what's happened to you are a 15 year old boy and his mother who they have no idea that you're even in contact with?

On top of that, you've just started college, which is going to take up the next few years of your life. The experiences you will have will change you, and quite honestly, I think the amount of change in maturity and lifestyle require you and your boyfriend to be growing and developing as individuals at the same rate. As he's 15 and you're 18, that's unlikely. Not impossible, but unlikely. On top of that, this is a new relationship, and a lot of your thinking about it right now will be "honeymoon period" perspective, rather than rational, mature decision making. I think you should reassess your plans, and if you're serious about making them happen, come clean about it to your parents. Even if they're not particularly supportive, they should at least be aware of what's going on.

[Brieasaurus]

Honestly, I agree with everyone for the most part. However, I think you should see him. The way I see it, is that if you don't go then you'll always wonder what could've been. Considering it's a relatively short drive- why not bring a friend or two and make a daytrip out of it? You can meet him and not have to worry about it. I'm assuming you've videochatted and everything right? I do think you should at least let your parents know about him and tell friends where you'll be.

Like everyone else said, you're young. You can go out and do these kind of spontaneous things. As long as you're doing it safely, I don't think there's anything wrong with it- especially since it's not a ridiculous distance or cost like most of us on here. Go out and make some memories and if it works, great. If not, then you tried which is more than if you didn't at least meet him. Just my opinion. Good luck with what you decide to do!

[Deleted]

I guess I see people's points about the age difference. Generally, it seems like a bad idea. I think it's really more about a case-to-case basis though: there are some people out there that really are mature enough to have a serious committed relationship even though it might seem unrealistic with their age. I only hope that this is one of those special cases! I'm not doubting you, I just want you to trust your judgment.

However, I have to agree with the majority - I don't think that keeping this clandestine seems like a good idea. Besides, your parents (or at least somebody) will have to find out eventually. I think you mentioned taking this trip in a couple months...I think you should wait a little longer before you see him. See how your relationship evolves.

[mellif]

Thanks a lot for the responses guys, I appreciate it-- I kinda knew it was a crazy idea, and I'm thankful to see a logical side of things. I kinda wrote the OP at 3am if that explains any of the overexcitement. I understand why people are concerned about the age difference. I've researched it beforehand, and kissing is ok as long as him and I are in Arizona (AZ state laws, CA is much more strict). It'll only get illegal if we make contact with uh, "genital" or "sexual" organs, including sex and just touching :P which shouldnt be a problem, since we've already agreed we wouldn't engage in such things until he was 18. As for the love/relationship maturity, I don't know really. I haven't fallen in love like this before, I have nothing to compare to. All I know is that he loves me just as much as I love him, a day doesn't go by without us reminding each other of that.

As for the trip, I'm thinking I'll just put it off longer, like January or sometime during an academic break. My roommate says she'd go with me if she could bring her boyfriend, so it would be kind of a double date thing. It's kinda cute since they're long distance too.

Oh, also I didn't make it clear, but my parents do know about my SO and his age and his location-- it's just that I don't know if I want to tell them about the trip. My roommate would know though, and if I did go alone, leaving behind his address would probably be a good idea.

[haley]

I'm almost in the same age situation that you are in. My boyfriend and I had feelings for each other for about 5 months before we started dating, him 15 and me 18. I honestly never really noticed the age difference, and no one around us ever said anything negative about it either. I guess it just depends on how truly mature the guy is. Everyone matures at different rates, so just make sure you really know what he is like. My boyfriend and I are now dating (I'm still 18 and he's 16) and everyone we know is nothing but happy for us being able to make it work while I'm in college. Just be careful with the law and everything, but you already know that.
And I'm glad you made the decision to wait to meet him. That way, you have time to really get to know him and decide if it's really what you want. Good luck to you and I hope it all works out the way you want it