A Bout Of Low Self-confidence Hath Striketh

[OperaDiva]

^^^ This! Really well said.

Everyone thinks they are more mature when they are young and youthful when older. Most of us are just kidding ourselves we are the age we are.

So very true

[Rugger]

Thank you very much for all your replies. I appreciate your inputs. :-)

To answer the most asked question here, she's 18. Although, believe me when I say that she's the more mature one of the two. Hearing JacklynRae's situation made me realize there are other guys who think in a similar way I do. So, thank you for telling me about your SO, JacklynRae. The fact is that I DO over-think, and I told my girlfriend that just earlier tonight. We had a very good conversation, and the bottom-line is that we're okay now.

I understand that, at 37, I should be at a different stage in life compared to her. But the thing is, I'm actually not. People who know me would often describe me as "naive" because they have good reason to. The thing is, this aspect of me I'm actually proud of in a way. I don't believe it's a bad thing that I can relate to a teen movie series like Twilight, because you DO want to be able to meet someone "who you can bare your soul to" and "who will accept you for what you are". Anything less, and you'd have to lie to your partner, or at least keep certain, important, things about you secrets. But with my girlfriend, I don't have to pretend like I'm someone else. We have both accepted each other for what we are, and it just played a trick on my mind a bit because it was a new thing for me.

Oh, and I DO apologize for the lengthiness of my initial post. xD Like I said, I just needed to vent. That, and talking to my girl earlier tonight, really helped. Thank you again to those of you who have taken your time to participate in this thread.

FM

PS - I will send you a reply message soon, Alizee. :-)

The reason I'm worried is because Twilight isn't a love story and an adult should be able to see that. The relationship between Bella and Edward is abusive. He manipulates her and controls her over the course of 4 books. It is the exact situation the snow_girl is talking about. An older man manipulating a young girl who trusts him. It's unhealthy.

I completely agree with Snow_girl on this. If he thinks he might harm her emotionally, he needs to man up and step away. He is an adult, she is for all intensive purposes, a child. If she were just a few months younger, it would be illegal.

OP, since you are an adult, you need to look at this through adult eyes, no matter how "naive" you say you are. You need to put her needs before yours. If you think you are going to hurt her, be a man and step away.

[Zephii]

Rugger did a great job of saying exactly what I think about the twilight thing. If you think that's what romance looks like, for the love of all that is holy, please stop dating.

I personally am strongly against generationally different relationships. Been there, done that. If a person could be ruined by a guy, I would have been. *Shakes head* Anyway, so my issue with this is the huge amount of power imbalance in these relationships.

I also believe there must be something terribly wrong with a significantly older guy for him to be dating a young girl. Why don't women his own age want him? Why has he failed at life so badly he's still at the start when he should be established? And, if he is just immature, then she too will eventually out-grow him. These are my thoughts, I don't mean them as a personal attack, this is just me being honest, coming from a standpoint of personal experience.

I also can't stand when people put their partner on a pedestal and go down the route of "I'm not good enough for her". People need to enter and maintain relationships of equals. I'm not saying I don't think I'm lucky to have my SO, and I've said to him before that he's too good for me. But I can see his flaws and he's very clear he sees mine. It's fine to think you're lucky, count your blessings and all that. What's not fine is putting someone up high, where once the honeymoon ends they are bound to fall from. It's not healthy to think you're dating far above (or below) your station.

Too often, it's a tool of manipulation. Another power thing.

Listen, one thing you both need if you're going to pull this relationship off is confidence, and the unassailable belief that you are both doing the right thing for yourselves and each other. Many people are going to try and tear you down, and if you have the slightest doubt yourself that you should be in her life, that's only going to be a weapon for them to use against you.

[Fretboard_Magic]

I'd just like to say that, once again, everything is fine now. I was having an intense "down" period when I made this thread. What I said in my initial post doesn't reflect my personality very well because I was dwelling on the negative stuff at the time. Like I said, the kind of emotional state that I found myself in when I was going through this down moment was quite new to me. That was one of the major reasons why I became so upset in the first place. At any rate, I'd just needed to vent more than anything else.

As for the age aspect, my girlfriend and I are happy in this relationship. That's all that matters to us. Neither of us is being manipulated in this relationship. We respect each other, honour each other, trust each other, complement and better each other, as well as being attracted to each other. I might have come across as being self-loathing all the time in my initial post, but that is so not the case here. I'm actually pretty positive and happy in general. I know I can be very sensitive and I can let some things/people bother me heavily from time to time, but I'm usually good at handing those situations. The initial post does not define me as a whole. It only means I'm a human and I was startled by something I'd never experienced before. I got upset and, like I said, needed to vent.

The Twilight thing is really a pointless argument in my opinion. It's a FANTASY story and thus, really, normal rules don't apply. I know that. I also don't have the same view most "adults" may have on the story, but this thread isn't about Twilight to begin with. I see a beautiful FANTASY love story when I watch Twilight. Is that an indication that there's something wrong with me? I don't think so. I still believe an ideal relationship is where two parties can bare their souls to each other, and they accept each other for what they are. In fact, I personally find that to be a very basic thing. It's just that, even though it's such a basic, fundamental thing, achieving it is a big challenge. But my girlfriend and I achieved that, and that's a big deal for me, for her, and for both of us. Therefore, I still relate the movie series(haven't read the books, in case that makes any difference) because I recognize the beauty in the story.

At any rate, I'm not about to break up with her anytime soon. I got out of the negative head space now, and I'm back to being able to perceive this relationship in the way that I perceived it before. Like I said, everything is fine now.